Comment by archaeopteryx on October 19, 2013 at 12:04am

"Smite the Shepherd and the sheep will flee"

Great plan! Let's coldcock that sucker and get the flock outta here --!

Comment by Gallup's Mirror on October 19, 2013 at 12:07am

There are many similar parables where Jesus give the explanation to the disciples. Trees are often used to represent people. the misguiding principaliities are spoken about in the epistles.

No, I mean where does the Bible say the fig tree represents "the person that does not bear fruits of righteous and he will be judge on Judgement Day, when the principalities and powers of the air will be judge along with all mortals they have misguided. These principalities masquerade as false gods, aliens, UFOs, the spirits of dead people, hauntings,speaking in tongues, Pentacostal/Charismatic phenomena, and Mary Apparitions."

Comment by Gallup's Mirror on October 19, 2013 at 12:12am

How do you explain all the paranormal programming on television?

Easy. It's on television.

Comment by Diane on October 19, 2013 at 1:37am

I had some unreasonable and downright antisocial tomatoes once.  I told them to stop growing lasciviously but they wouldn't listen.  It led to a lot of tomato sandwiches.

Comment by Ron Humphrey on October 19, 2013 at 5:12am

I'm with you Diane.

Comment by kOrsan on October 19, 2013 at 8:30am

Ron, Diane speaks in parables all the time. She often used tomatoes as a metaphor for her children.

Comment by Strega on October 19, 2013 at 9:16am

Comment by SteveInCO on October 19, 2013 at 11:35am

Ron, Diane speaks in parables all the time. She often used tomatoes as a metaphor for her children.

Hmmm that implies she ate her children.

Comment by archaeopteryx on October 19, 2013 at 6:10pm

I gotta share this, and though this may not be the most appropriate place, it seems the best discussion of the current crop. This was written by a child, so it is his memory of the sum total of the knowledge that he has been taught about the Bible:

In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing but God, darkness, and some gas. The Bible says, “The Lord thy God is one,” but I think He must be a lot older than that.

Anyway, God said, “Give me a light!” and someone did. Then God made the world.

He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve were naked, but they weren’t embarrassed because mirrors hadn’t been invented yet.

Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they were driven from the Garden of Eden…Not sure what they were driven in though, because they didn’t have cars.

Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as long as he was Abel. Pretty soon all of the early people died off, except for Methuselah, who lived to be like a million or something.

One of the next important people was Noah, who was a good guy, but one of his kids was kind of a Ham. Noah built a large boat and put his family and some animals on it. He asked some other people to join him, but they said they would have to take a rain check.

After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Jacob was more famous than his brother, Esau, because Esau sold Jacob his birthmark in exchange for some pot roast. Jacob had a son named Joseph who wore a really loud sports coat.

Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name was Charlton Heston. Moses led the Israel Lights out of Egypt and away from the evil Pharaoh after God sent ten plagues on Pharaoh’s people. These plagues included frogs, mice, lice, bowels, and no cable.

God fed the Israel Lights every day with manicotti. Then he gave them His Top Ten Commandments. These include: don’t lie, cheat, smoke, dance, or covet your neighbor’s stuff.

Oh, yeah, I just thought of one more: Humor thy father and thy mother.

One of Moses’ best helpers was Joshua who was the first Bible guy to use spies. Joshua fought the battle of Geritol and the fence fell over on the town.

After Joshua came David. He got to be king by killing a giant with a slingshot. He had a son named Solomon who had about 300 wives and 500 porcupines. My teacher says he was wise, but that doesn’t sound very wise to me.

After Solomon there were a bunch of major league prophets. One of these was Jonah, who was swallowed by a big whale and then barfed up on the shore.

There were also some minor league prophets, but I guess we don’t have to worry about them.

After the Old Testament came the New Testament. Jesus is the star of The New Testa-ment. He was born in Bethlehem in a barn. (I wish I had been born in a barn too, because my mom is always saying to me, “Close the door! Were you born in a barn?” It would be nice to say, ”As a matter of fact, I was.”)

During His life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners like the Pharisees and the Republicans. Jesus also had twelve opossums. The worst one was Judas Asparagus. Judas was so evil that they named a terrible vegetable after him.

Jesus was a great man. He healed many leopards and even preached to some Germans on the Mount. But the Democrats and all those other bad guys put Jesus on trial before Pontius the Pilot. Pilot didn’t stick up for Jesus. He just washed his hands instead.

Anyways, Jesus died for our sins, then came back to life again. He went up to Heaven but will be back at the end of the Aluminum. His return is foretold in the book of Revolution.

Comment by Warren on October 19, 2013 at 6:17pm

I like it, an interesting viewpoint of that stuff. It's amazing what kids come up with.

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