Comment by Sagacious Hawk on September 4, 2012 at 3:54am

I know, right?! The logistics involved with the ark are just mind-bogglingly dumb.

Comment by kOrsan on September 4, 2012 at 5:14am

Seems legit.

Comment by Marc Poulin on September 4, 2012 at 7:52am

Where did they keep the termites?

Comment by James Cox on September 4, 2012 at 8:36pm

Maybe the Ark was more like a Tardus, more deminsions inside than outside, so a much greater volume. To go any further, will have to talk to the 'Doctor' for technical specs. If you find the 'Doctor', please pass on my condolences. LOL 

Comment by James Cox on September 4, 2012 at 8:39pm

You have the Ark at a dock somewhere? I have seen the Spruce Goose, but nothing made out of Gopher wood! LOL

Comment by Doug Reardon on September 4, 2012 at 9:46pm

A wooden boat that large would self destruct once afloat!

Comment by archaeopteryx on September 4, 2012 at 10:49pm

This is my all-time favorite Bible stories, but before I comment on it, let me tell you a REAL flood story, upon which Noah's plagiarized flood story was based.

    There was an archaeologically attested Euphrates river flood in Shuruppak, Uruk, and Kish - three Sumerian cities - in what is now southern Iraq, about 125 miles southeast of Baghdad - river flood sediments there have been radio carbon-dated as 2900 BCE, so scholars conclude that the flood hero was a king of Shuruppak at the end of the Jemdet Nasr period (c. 3000-2900 B.C.E.) which ended with the river flood of that latter date.


Author Robert M. Best offers an interesting perspective of the times and conditions under which this small, localized flood occurred. In his book,
Noah's Ark and the Ziusudra Epic, Sumerian Origins of the Flood Myth, Mr. Best relates that a six-day thunderstorm caused the Euphrates River to rise 15 cubits, overflowing the levees.
    When the levees overflowed, Ziusudra boarded a small commercial river barge that had been hauling grain, beer, and a few hundred cattle, sheep, and goats. The barge floated down the river into the Persian (Arabian) Gulf where it grounded in an estuary at the mouth of the river. He assures us that, "Ziusudra (i.e., Noah) then offered a sacrifice on an altar at the top of a nearby hill which storytellers mistranslated as mountain. This led them to falsely assume that the nearby barge had grounded on top of a mountain. Actually it never came close to a mountain."


Approximate Area of Ziusudra's Flood - 2900 BCE


Realistically, geologists confirm that even a rise of a foot of water on the Euphrates river can, in that level land, result in the coverage of a considerable area of acreage, and since a cubit is roughly 18 inches, the river could actually have risen 22.5 feet. Any river that rose 22.5 feet above flood stage would certainly be something to write home about and could definitely be defined as a flood as regards that local area, but hardly one of global, or even mountainous proportions - no need to rush out and start lining up lions, tigers and bears -- (I know you said it - no one can resist!).

Comment by archaeopteryx on September 4, 2012 at 11:02pm

Then there's the water issue.

One US gallon is 0.133681 cubic feet, or 7.481 gallons per cubic foot.
     Using that figure, we learn that the number of gallons of water required to cover the Earth from its surface to the top of Mount Everest is - drumroll please - 1,194,845,753,604,350,656,512 - (1+ sextillion) - gallons of water!
     And for Ararat, a mere 697,083,551,264,802,594,816 - (697+ quintillion) gallons of water!
    From the National Geological Survey, we know that there are 326 quintillion gallons of water on, in, under, and above, our planet.

And bear in mind, 90% of that 326 quintillion gallons of water is already at, or below sea level, and not available for flooding purposes!

Comment by archaeopteryx on September 4, 2012 at 11:14pm

Next we come to the really important issue, at least to me:

The volume of the ark, according to the dimensions given from the horses...mouth itself, the Bible, was 1,518,750 cubic feet. Here are some other things we know:

However, there are several things we do know:
    •   the ark would have been built to be water-tight throughout a forty-day (and night) deluge, and water-tight means airtight.
    •   by this god's own instruction (
Genesis, 6:16), the ark had only one window, about eighteen inches square, and it wasn't opened (Genesis, 8:6) until nine months and ten days after the cruise began.
    •   a single animal, of the size of a common cow, would produce over six thousand, eighty-six cubic feet of methane gas, over 9, 28-day months, plus 10 days.

    We have no way of knowing how many other species of animals there were on board - by all indications, thousands! - and they ALL farted, along with Skipper Noah and his fearless crew. Face it, I fart, you fart, Pat Robertson farts, for that matter, I'd bet a dollar that the Pope farts (though very, very quietly) - in fact, anyone who doesn't fart is a freak of nature, and in serious need of health care.

        That means that it would have taken less than 250 such animals to completely fill the ark with methane gas in less than the time the ark was closed up.


    Now with only one window, on a boat that large, and it, closed for the entire nine months and ten days - the ark was dark. I mean, that was one dark ark - without a window, in an air-tight ark, you couldn't see your hand in front of your face.


    But surely they had lanterns, didn't they? Or at least candles?


    Have you ever heard of a kid holding a lit match near his rear end, to see if the gas in his fart will light? Trust me, it will, but I've been assured that the hair will grow back. Methane is one of the most flammable gasses on the planet.

Comment by archaeopteryx on September 4, 2012 at 11:42pm

At the risk of beating a dead horse - which isn't nearly as much fun as it's cracked up to be - let's look at one more indicator that the biblical flood never happened.

In 1994, Peter A. Clayton wrote a book with a rather lengthy title: Chronicle of the Pharaohs, The Reign-by-Reign Record of the Rulers and Dynasties of Ancient Egypt (London. Thames & Hudson. 1994).

In his book, Clayton demonstrated that the Egyptian Pharaonic Civilization predated the biblical flood. Clayton gave the following dates for Egyptian Dynasties and their Pharaohs as ranging from 3150 for the beginning of the first of seven dynasties and 2181 BCE for the last of the seventh.

Now Noah's flood occurred in either 2958 BCE, as calculated by the Roman Catholic scholar, Euseibus, or 2348 BCE, as calculated by Archbishop Ussher and Sir John Lightfoot. We must bear in mind that the comedy team of Ussher and Lightfoot had access to the Gregorian calendar we use today, while Euseibus, who lived in the third century BCE, had only the less accurate Julian calendar with which to work, which inclines one to lean more toward acceptance of Ussher's and Lightfoot's date, than Euseibus'. Unless, of course, one sees the irony of attempting to establish an exact date for the occurrence of a fictitious event, as being much like trying to deduce the age of Superman by accurately determining in exactly what year he was born - and failing to see the irrelevance.

Clayton informs us that archaeologists have unearthed the tombs of the above Pharaohs for the associated Dynasties and excavations showed no flood layer of silt above their tombs, deposited by Noah's alleged Universal Flood. Nor do the records or annals of Egypt, and those guys were anal about annals, make any mention of a universal, world-encompassing flood.

Clayton's conclusion was that if there had been a universal, globe-encompassing flood in the third millennium BCE, there is no evidence of it in Egypt, just a drone's flight away from the Mesopotamian region where Noah's flood reputedly began - as the crow flies, or as the water flows, Baghdad and Cairo are roughly 800 miles apart. In Clayton's own words:

"The absence of the mention of such a flood in Egyptian records and annals, from the same general Middle-Eastern area where can be found 'the mountains of Ararat,' combined with the archaeological evidence from the Pharaohs' tombs, created before the 2958/2348 BCE flood occurred, reveal that the tale of Noah's flood is a myth."

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