Comment by cycloneman on April 24, 2011 at 12:17pm

Faith soars on the wings of eagles, rides on the backs of oxen, spouts forth from the depths of the dove's breast.  You come to me an empty vessel and returneth as an overflowing urn.

 

1 Peter 4:11-13

 

This is fun!

 

Comment by Shannon Kish on April 24, 2011 at 8:58pm

LMAO. I love it.

Comment by Dustin on April 24, 2011 at 9:25pm

"When thy breatheth unto the ashes, thy word is marked with a righteous sign. Then you shall know the Lord , your Christ , will be in your hearts , filled with everlasting Love."

Book of Hebrews 11:5

Comment by Rob McLean on April 25, 2011 at 2:13am

Itith withoutesth doubteth all nonsensith.

Comment by Steve on April 26, 2011 at 4:52am

Quick Medieval English lesson to help with those Bible quotes (it's easy to pick the fakes if the use of thee/thou/thy is so out of whack a 5-year old could spot it)

Thou/Thee/Thy/Thine are second-person pronouns directly corresponding to the first-person I/Me/My/Mine.

Thou and thee have been replaced with the ubiquitous "you", so "Thou hast done this" becomes "You have done this". Thee is the passive version, so "I have done this to you" becomes "I have done this unto thee." Note also how the verb "have" in Medieval English becomes "hast" but only when used in second-person, not first-person. It is a direct descendent of German "du hast", from which English developed.

Thy corresponds to your, and thine corresponds to yours. Thus, you would say, "This is thy knife/This is your knife", or you could say "This knife is thine/This knife is yours." Note the similarity to "My/Thy" and "Mine/Thine" - so, "This knife is mine, and that knife is thine." Use this as a guide to determining where to use thy and thine.

More on verb conjugations such as have/hast/hath: I have, thou hast, he hath. First-person, second-person, third-person. Keep this in mind as you use the "-st" and "-th/-eth/-ath" suffixes.

So, some fake bible-quotes:

Then shall I cry unto the LORD, Thou hast sown my fields with salt; my cattle Thou hast driven astray; my wells have Thou hast made barren. For Thou hast turned Thy face from me, because I have become vile in thy sight; and abominated by my kin, and Thou givest me up to Satan. -Job 6: 12-13

He who saith, there is no God, he is as a beast of the field, because the brute beasts do not acclaim the LORD. But the LORD gave unto thee, and unto Adam before thee, that men should be blessed with the Spirit, and come unto Him through His Son Lord Jesus Christ. So whosoever forsaketh their faith, even so doth he forsake his soul; and like the beasts of the field he shall perish, and shall not find the Kingdom of the LORD. -Acts 2:15-18

Comment by Greg Johnson on April 29, 2011 at 4:49pm

No need to make stuff up. Just post some of the odd/disturbing passages that are actually in the bible, like Lott's daughters raping him or Jephthah burning his little girl to death. Then you can have fun with the fight that will ensue over whether the "good book" says any of those things.

Comment by John L on April 29, 2011 at 5:38pm

Why not use a made up part of the bible too? Most Christians would never know..

 

The feathers of fallen angels hath been scorched in Hell's fire and hath a vile stench in the nose of the righteous. - [Duplicity 2:14]

Comment by Rosemary LYNDALL WEMM on May 1, 2011 at 2:24pm

An alternative is to quote the Koran but give it a biblical reference.  There are a lot of parallels so it is possible to quote the parallel verses and swap the references.   Or you can quote one of the nastier verses of the bible against one of the nicer verses of the Koran.  Or any combination of such ideas. 

 

 

"If you declare your charities, they are still good. But if you keep them anonymous, and give them to the poor, it is better for you, and remits more of your sins."   Matt.6:3-4 

"But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you." Sura 2:271

 

"Surely, those who disbelieve in our revelations, we will condemn them to the hellfire. Whenever their skins are burnt, we will give them new skins. Thus, they will suffer continuously."  Rev.21:8 

"But the cowardly, the unbelieving, the vile, the murderers, the sexually immoral, those who practise magic arts, the idolaters and all liars - their place will be in the fiery lake of burning sulphur. "   Sura 4:56

 

Comment by Misty: Baytheist Living! on May 1, 2011 at 2:55pm

@ You're All Crazy

 

Yes, actually. That's exactly what the hell I expect of anyone who claims to devote their life and purpose to a religion. 

 

"Read and memorize the handbook, first."

 

If a 6 year old, underfed and uneducated Arabic boy can memorize HIS holy book, why can't Christians? 

If you are devoting your SOUL to something, shouldn't you know the rules? 

 

Christian ignorance of the Bible is absurd for any self-proclaimed Christian. 

 

Comment by Joel Caplan on May 1, 2011 at 6:05pm

This is so mean, mostly because it's so easy.  I LIKE it.  Who are we to take advantage of those who cannot think clearly?  We are the people who need to do it, again and again.

 

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