And the LORD formed the computer nerd of the dust off His keyboard, being mainly the powdered remains of heavenly Chee-tos, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, which wasn’t easy, given the computer nerd’s deviated septum; and the computer nerd became a living soul, if you can really call it living.
And the LORD set up a vast network eastward in Eden; and before it He put the computer nerd whom he had formed, saying “here, I need an admin, get thee to it.”
And the computer nerd set about exploring the many files and folders on the network, discovering various digital wonders and delights, but there was one machine the LORD forbade him to access, speaking unto him: “All of this is created for thee to use and master, My pasty-skinned, soft-bellied creation. Except stay away from the Apple, would you? I keep My personal files on it, and thou shalt poketh around in them not.
“Not that I’m going to password-protect it or anything, because I trust you.”