As we are going down this horrible path and I am amazed at the way so many on the same path of dealing with cancer cling to their religion and hope for their magic man in the sky to save them.  I guess it is understandable since they are so desperate, and the reflexive reliance on myth and mystery is almost instinctual.

A brief update.  My wife was diagnosed with breast cancer 3 years ago, and found mets to bone about a year ago.  She was on hormone therapy for a year, but even though we expected it to last a couple of years it stopped working after only a year.  We then had to change treatments to an oral chem about 3 months ago.  Now at her most recent monthly treatment it seems that the oral chemo isn't working, her tumor markers were almost doubled.  Next week it is back to scans to see how bad it is.  There were 4 small lesions on her liver which spurred the change to chemo instead of hormone therapy.  Depending on what the scans show it is probably back to having another port installed and infusion chemo.  The fatigue, the nausea, hair loss. 

What is even worse is that it seems like we are much farther down the cancer road than I thought we were suppose to be after only 3 years.  When diagnosed as stage 4, bone mets we were assured that this is a chronic condition and there are people who live for 10 years with this.

I guess my point for pouring all this out here is my amazement at how the other cancer people I deal with can get so much comfort and reassurance from faith. 

I have doubted since I was a kid, and have been an active un-believer forever.  I know that the faithful will just call it anger at god, especially when I argue with them about it.  My questions though are if your god exists why would he give my wife cancer?  If he didn't give her cancer he is not curing it, again why?  When they offer prayers I want to tell them to ask their god what the ransom is for my wife's health.  How many prayers, how much reverence do we have to show him before he will deign to cure my wife.  Also if that is the case why would he take, in such a mean, painful, horrible way someone who is such a dedicated servant to his ego. 

I don't fight with them, if they are lucky or dumb enough to have faith as a crutch to get them through it then good for them.  I wish I had some external source of strength and support as I watch my wife die.

On a slightly, I hope, lighter note I would like to know how the others here are doing. There hasn't been much activity here lately.   A couple months ago there was some communication with Kat and Acacia.  If you see this and feel like it I would like to hear how your doing, how your holding.up.