Thinking seriously about de conversion

by Richard Purves

Jun 15, 2012

Hi everyone, I'm here because I'm looking for some insight, advice and hopefully answers to my particular situation.

I'm a 32 year old married father of 2, I became a Christian back 2004 after a supposed 'word from God' but perhaps largely because my wife and all her family are members of the Anglican/Charasmatic movement and maybe felt some sort of affinity to them. I even went so far as to join the worship team of an extremely large and popular charasmatic church in Oxford which  have been involved with since 2005.

Anyway, to cut a long story short, I've recently started to seriously question my belief structure. I've never felt entirely 'comfortable' with being a Christian in the way I always thought I should be, I never really prayed in public, I couldn't quote you specific scripture like a pro and always thought that the Church I am a part of uses emotional manipulation through 'sad and songs' and the pastors alter call to invoke a sense of vulnerability, surely not something I should be thinking if I truly 'get it'

In the last few years she has become more and more extreme in her views, dare I say fundamentalist. Don't get me wrong, she is a very kind, polite and caring woman, but I can no longer stomach some of the things she passionately believes and I'm seriously considering de conversion. She has been a Christian since she was born lived, breathed and evangelised the Christian doctrine and for the longest time we were very happy, having two gorgeous sons

However I've recently had cause to come clean to my wife of 7 years, who is what I would call a 'born' Christian of a string of indiscrections since before we were married, this understandably has caused her great pain for which I am truly sorry, however she has now told me that the ONLY way of saving our marriage is through Christian channels/the grace and love of God or not at all.

Now fair enough, hands up I should take what is coming, but I love my boys and would be prepared to do anything to stay with them, I feel a great affection for my wife as my best friend and indeed all the friends I have made through the Church, but knowing that I feel the way I do about my (lack of) faith I am torn as to weather I should take the step and tell her I can't pursue Christian channels with a clear conscience for the sake of staying in our marriage.

Thank you for taking the time to read this, I appreciate your comments

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    Dustin

    By the way , what is this string of indiscretions you speak of?  Did you cheat on your wife and were you an alcoholic or are these things other posters have conjured out of thin air?  

    4

    Jun 28, 2012

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      Yahweh

      You can't be born christian. I can't imagine an infant/newborn has the mental capacity to even understand surroundings let alone believing in a deity.  This wife of yours got tricked into believing in her youth. (the most vulnerable years).

      So the only way to save your marriage is to believe in hate and violence is what I'm getting here. You can't stay with this women. You'd be doing it for all the wrong reasons. You can have custody of the kids saying that if they stay with her, they'd be heavily brainwashed which is pretty much child abuse.

      Aug 2, 2012

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        Richard Purves

        Well I thought I'd better update you as to the currant situation. After choosing to still go on what turned out to be a very strained and turbulent family holiday which we had booked for some time, my wife an I mutually agreed that some time apart to reflect on the situation was what was needed.
        During that time I had persuaded her to come to some counselling sessions provided by Relate which I personally thought was a positive step, my wife less so in being she felt ganged up on. I'd made the decision to try and work things out and told her i was prepared to do whatever it took to save our marriage.
        Needless to say, after various trips to spend time with her family accross the country with my boys she has now decided to file for divorce on grounds of adultery which I won't be contesting.

        The worst feeling I have right now is that I've failed through my own actions to provide a stable and normal family environment for my kids, but I made my proverbial bed and now i have to lie in it, although I stand by and feel very good about my decision to leave the church. I can honestly say I have never looked back...although so much for the seventy times seven rule...
        2

        Aug 2, 2012