I am 42 1/2 years old. Although I was born to a Jewish mother, whose mother was Jewish (which, according to halacha, makes me Jewish too), I just could never bring myself to believe in anything the Bible said. Or about God as this Supreme Deity.

I guess it began when I was a small child. I did not have a typical childhood. I was an unwanted, out-of-wedlock accident. My mom got pregnant before Roe v. Wade. So she didn't have any choices available to her. In fact, in my state, unmarried women could not get the birth control pill back in the mid-1960's. So there were TWO of us that got no choice: her and me.

My mother walked out on me when I was 2. I remember the finest details surrounding that incident as if it happened only yesterday. So, my grandmother (a Torah-observant Jew) raised me. She was mother and father both to me. She began teaching me the Torah (what many of you would call "the Old Testament") before kindergarden. And that's when I began having problems accepting this entire concept of a perfect, all-knowing, ever-present God as the truth. Because he flunked in the planning department, based on just my own limited life experience at that point.

My disenchantment with it began in the beginning — the creation story and the "original sin" that amounts to nothing but one big shell game. The questions I had as a very young child were:

  • If God is so perfect that he can create the entire world in 7 days, why couldn't he do it right — you know, make the world minus things like devastating storms, diseases, litter, and mean people who don't love and want their children?
  • If God was so perfect, why did he place a forbidden fruit tree in the center of his world knowing his creation, the first man and the first woman, would be too tempted to obey his command not to touch it (let alone eat it)? (Seemed like a set-up to me)
  • Why would a perfect God allow a decieving third party (the serpent) into his garden when he knew it would tempt Eve to eat the fruit and precipitate an entire chain of events resulting in Adam and Eve being cursed with death...and all their descendants thereafter?
  • Why did God even bother creating woman since he obviously hates us so much (which is apparent since Eve got the shittier end of the stick by far in the first blame game)?
  • Why did all of Adam and Eve's descendants have to suffer punishment for a "crime" they had no part of partaking in?
  • If God had his act together, why is it that rabbis constantly argue about how to interpret God's word? Does a perfect God need a proofreading department, and if so, then how can he be perfect?
  • If I as a Jew, am one of God's "chosen people", why don't I even have a mom and a dad who wanted (therefore chose) me as their child like all the Gentile children I knew did?
  • Now, as a small child I saw this as nothing but one big, elaborate shell game. It made me question gender injustice and every other issue that hadn't worked out quite right in just my own life alone. So, at an age when most children still believed in Santa Claus, I could not bring myself to believe in God. I was always the child who asked "why" to the point of annoying even the most patient adults. I sent rabbis, ministers, and priests running in the opposite direction. My disposition and propensity for questioning injustices and contradictions has not improved with age...I'm even more of a pain in the ass today at age 42 1/2 years old than I was as an elementary school aged little girl. I still make people very uncomfortable when I ask "why."

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Replies to This Discussion

Thank you for sharing your moving story. So many of the questions on your list were questions I asked myself when I first started doubting, but I was 22 or so before that happened. It's wonderful that, as a young child, you were able to see the inconsistencies and problems with the idea of a perfect God and ask the hard, honest questions. I wish more people, of all ages, could be like that!
Thank you Kristi. You know, the funny thing is that I never got straight answers from ANY theists. At all. As a child, they thought they could mollify me with some nonsense to shut me up. Except that didn't work with me. I found that the older I got as I grew up, the less amused people were with my daring to question what they feel is a given. Asking the tough questions gets squashed out of most kids. So much so that by the time they become young adults, they've forgotten how to ask the tough questions. Because asking the tough questions pisses others off. And most people want to fit in, to be accepted and wanted, to belong; so they're reticent to do anything that might alienate others.
I liked reading your story . I consider myself a rational realistic person and I question EVERYTHING that is not logical to me (i.e. talking snakes, how two brothers born to the first MAN AND WOMAN could reproduce, Blasphemy is the only unforgiveable sin so what SPECIFIC WORDS are "blasphemy")

Good on you Jacqueline for asking questions and not just accepting what was told to you.
Thank you. You know, I never really got that blasphemy deal either. I think it is one of those vague definitions that is frequently teraformed to suit any idea or action that the Religious Wrong wants to pounce on and attack.
Yes, Baptist churches are rather authoritative. Any questions, however innocently or benignly asked, seem to be perceived as a "challenge" to the minister's authority. Christianity (and Judaism and Islam) are very top-down hierarchical religions...with those at the apex of that hierarchy quite content to maintain their position of power and control.
Thanks for telling your moving story Jaqueline.

If god was perfect and created 'man' in his own image then why did he destroy so many civilizations?

It seems to me that christians separate the god of the new testament (the New God) from the god of the old testament (the Old God). It's almost as though god had to grow up and have a child of his own to kill, rather than tease Abraham by telling him to kill his own son before the Old God matured.

In bible land the world is only 6000 years old, so god was young for the first 4000 years. Then everything changed - or did it? Things aren't any better today because of the New God. The old and new stories are just rewritten into every hurricane, flood, war, famine, plague, and other disaster that has always occurred.

It's beyond me why people believe the bible any other more than a Grimms fairy tale.
Grimms fairy tales are sick too.

doone has circleofpower to show how circular it is.
Here's a funny video Jew Tries to Join KKK
Pay attention to times 6:00, 7:50, 8:22, and 8:40.
I saw that! Wow...


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