So I'm new here so if I post this wrong somehow, I do apologize! 

I was raised by mother with my two older brothers. My mother has been, and still is, a Christian. At least when she remembers to be one. I wasn't raised in a Church or praying at the dinner table every night. Life was very hard for my mother, trying to raise the three of us on her own. I didn't think much about God or life, or existence until I was maybe 14, and I decided that I was a christian and I wanted to prove that god existed and he cared about me. I read Bible passages and went to church a few times and bam, there was all the proof I needed. I was a freshmen in high school at the time. I was happy and well liked in the beginning of the year. I was popular and everyone smoked me out for free! The core needs for a high school girls life. I had no reason to doubt my faith or seek anything outside of what was spoken to me. However as the year went on I got progressively more and more confused and upset with my world. I begged God to deliver to me a sign for what to do in my life. I began pouring over all of my families Bibles and seeking answers in the texts like they were going to magically deliver to me a soul and purpose. I opened my eyes to the injustices and cruelties of the world and I begged god to explain to me why he lets these things happen. How could my God, who cared so much for me, who made me feel special and blessed me with so many friends, allow the rape of children in the same day? How could he allow innocents to be murdered without punishment? How could he allow the poor to starve to death while the rich have more money than they could ever need? How could God look upon this world and dare claim with any shred of pride that he created it, and that he is good? I was outraged. I was confused. I was hurt even. I would seek God above all else and I was so assured by my idea of him that he was kind, and caring, and I begin to realize that he was not. My life had been decent, nothing too terrible had happened to me, but I could not forgive God for the terrible things that happened to other people and his lack of action on the matter. When I brought it up to others, they would always assure my it was the Devil doing such things, or it was our responsibility as humans, "as his hands" to be the action of Gods good will. Those answer disgusted me. Such a thing had the power to stop true evil and he instead replied to a lesser being "You do it." God was lazy, and and ultimately to me, worthless. I stopped worshiping God. I began to hate him, and curse him, but I did not yet stop believing he was there. Needless to say this shook something of who I was. I wanted a God so bad, but there was no god for me. No governing force that would come in and save me or offer me comfort when I was lost or hurt. By the middle of my Sophomore year I had done a 180. I dropped all of my friends, and dropped out of school. Not necessarily because of not worshiping a god anymore but because of other events in my life I wish not to disclose here. Now, having no responsibilities and very small parental control gave me a loooot for free time. I got a job at my local Panera Bread and began to make more money than I needed. My schedule flipped almost entirely. I was always a closer at Panera so I would end up staying up the entire night and my morning would be a 2 p.m. when I went into work. I had more money than I needed making almost $500 every two weeks and I had no bills. I also didn't have a car so I could only buy things within my walking distance and there were only two things I ever bought. Weed and books. Now, being up all night I would get bored of my room and began working out in my back yard. During this time I began to look up. The heavens above began to fascinate me. And that's kind of when it happened. I began to realize how big the Universe was, and how small I was. I realized the Christian God does not extend past Earth's atmosphere and I was freed of him. I would sneak onto my roof at night and just star gaze for hours. I talked to my family about it and discovered my Grandfather was a member of the local Astronomy club and I started going with him to meetings. He bought me a telescope, and I discovered the Universe. I found myself somewhere out there in the great unknown. I found my courage and strength. I discovered the external force I longed for to save me was in fact an internal force I need only call upon. And I did. I went back to high school, I graduated, and I'm now successfully living on my own and starting college classes in the summer. I guess this is supposed to be more about coming out to other people but it wasn't really a big deal when i told my mom or brothers. It meant the most for myself. It was hard because I wanted to have something else to rely on so bad, but I'm proud of myself for following the facts. I made a lot of mistakes but they lead me to where I found my voice. So I guess they weren't really mistakes after all. I'm good without god. :) 

This was really long and kind of choppy and devoid of quite a few details on my path to Atheism. I went through a lot of religions and worldveiws, but I wanted to focus on my main religion choice, Christianity. So I'm sorry if it was confusing! I just wanted to share and I thought this might be a good first place to do it! Thanks for reading.  :) 

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Its great to hear a young person that understands so much already. I held on to faith way too long, mostly because of indoctrination and my desire not to make waves when I was already in a storm. Now I love that my thoughts are private and the universe is indifferent to my fate. It's all up to us.

I am an electrical engineer and after 30 years of designing circuits and systems; I still am humbled each and every day. While in school, the calculus equations may look intimidating at first: but they are just very simple ideas that have symmetry and beauty. The same concepts appear over and over again. For example, an electrical system has the same ideas as a plumbing system. Voltage is water pressure, current is current, a capacitor is a water tank, a transistor is a valve, a resistor is a skinny pipe. It's beautiful, how it all works out. The same principles apply to each and every world in every far away galaxy.


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