"The Lonely Bed"

Love has taught me not to reach out when I’m afraid
Love has taught me not to smile sincerely in a stranger’s face
People ask me what love taught me these things
I respond it’s the love that you and your judgments brings
I swear I look for the good and positive when I wake
But negativity is waiting for me in places that I think are safe
Trust me, I have tried
I have tried to be
Happy like everyone looks to me..
I just don’t find relief
*
She comes to me sighing
Saying that I don’t touch her around the house
I get tense
Thinking in my mind that I wish I could get out
Listen
You are happy being silent
Inside silence becomes violent
Against my recovery from pain
I want to
I want to come to you honestly
I want you to become a major part of me
But you just don’t understand
She’s blaming me again
Saying that I’m allowing us to drift apart but in my head
I’ve been on another island for a while
Her failure to know me creates wonders of someone else that can make me smile
I can’t leave her so I wait
Hoping that she will leave me and then I’ll feel great
With someone who understands me in her place
*
They stress me out until I can’t go on fighting anymore
I lay in bed until my forehead is sore
From thinking things over
Should I leave in the middle of the night or the middle of the day
And then I’ll feel great
With someone who understands me in her place
If they will have me
If they will be there as I learn to stand
Without attacks on my person causing me to give in
Into silence

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