Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Keith A. Szilagyi on May 7, 2010 at 8:11pm

My very first response would be to scream, "NO!" However, I know that people change. Indeed I used to be a theist and now I'm an atheist. I think the better question for me is, would I break up with someone who converted to a religion. I really don't know. It depends on a few different factors. Do they still respect my thinking, do they try to proselytize me, do they try to influence my child, and can we still carry on intelligent conversation. Finding an atheist mate is a different question altogether. I imagine it's like finding any mate requiring such deep common ground. I have gone out with a couple of women from okcupid.com (as per Sydni's suggestion on a different page).

Finding the perfect mate seems like a pipe dream.

Permalink Reply by Sydni Moser on May 8, 2010 at 8:23am

A friend of mine is Catholic and her husband is non-believer, but not an 'active' atheist... He just doesn't give a shit about religion. (or much of anything for that matter). She believes basically because she likes the "pomp & circumstance" of the church, is terrified about dying, and is loaded with magical thinking about LOTS of things... But for the most part, her religion doesn't impact her life, she doesn't go to church except for holidays and we can completely omit religion in our friendship. BUT, when she found out that she was pregnant, her religiosity suddenly surfaced big-time. She started to drag her husband to services, and began planning her son's future religious training.. She plans to send him to parochial school, and decided that they should attend Sunday services every week. That poor kid. Since her husband is so weak willed, he will do what she commands and so will her little boy.

Her son is now 7 months old and I'm happy to report that although she had these big plans for returning to church it hasn't yet fully manifested. But I know she will indoctrinate her son regardless, but since their life is in transition right now (her husband just joined the air force), she hasn't yet joined a new church. I do hope that her grand plans will fade somewhat, but she will do some serious damage to her son's mind regardless.

Of course, every relationship is different but I've heard and read too many horror stories from atheists who have partnered up with a quasi-religious mate who suddenly returns to their faith once kids are in the picture... BEWARE - it could certainly happen to you. My dad used to say, "A leopard doesn't change it's spots..." Yes, people can change, but people more often stay the same. Never go into a marriage and think you will change them. It ain't necessarily so.

Permalink Reply by Apple on May 8, 2010 at 9:58pm

Yes Keith it's really, really hard for me too. I can find dates easy enough but the kind of person that I can really connect with is so rare. There is no real common ground even in atheism unless the other person is an "active" atheist. Otherwise, mutual non belief is fine but it doesn't provide for much bonding.

It's not impossible to meet someone through the internet either. I actually found a perfect mate online, someone I could really connect with. But there are only two minor problems:

1) That person is in a 5 year long term relationship.... and
2) Is Hungarian and living in Hungary.

I could actually manage the distance no problem. (that's how rare it is for me to find someone like this. The first time ever actually) But... not available. It really is difficult.

Permalink Reply by Keith A. Szilagyi on May 9, 2010 at 4:15am

Apple - The end of your post made me laugh so hard! It is really difficult indeed.

Oh and I do have to say, being of Hungarian decent myself, we are pretty awesome!

Permalink Reply by Sydni Moser on May 9, 2010 at 7:58am

Hi Apple, you have a tough situation having found someone you truly bond with who lives so far away and is committed to someone else. Is he 'happily' committed? But given the distance, that in itself is such a hurtle. This guy has got to be really special... What a drag.

Permalink Reply by Mario Rodgers on May 8, 2010 at 11:22am

I would date somebody who believed in whatever higher power makes them happy but was probably not religious at all. I wouldn't date somebody who goes to church or subscribes to the "fire and brimstone" mentality.

Permalink Reply by Sydni Moser on May 8, 2010 at 11:34am

You are much braver than I am.... It's terribly risky, but I guess if they are willing to date an Atheist, (since I assume you would reveal this information from the start), they might be worth the risk.

Permalink Reply by Nate on May 28, 2010 at 8:35am

I tried dating a religious chick once...ONCE. It's not just the religion that bothers me, it's just that I've found that people that believe in religion, well, just aren't that smart. Now, I'm so active as an atheist, I don't think I could date someone who wasn't...probably why I'm still single.