Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Keith A. Szilagyi on August 1, 2010 at 2:49pm

No, not with me it doesn't. I'm not interested in playing games. I'm sure that this approach works with some men; the kind that like a challenge, maybe?

Permalink Reply by Sydni Moser on August 1, 2010 at 4:15pm

Pleasant, Keith and Vespertilio, thanks for your response, and I totally agree with what all of you have said about not playing games and acting 'hard-to-get'... A little tactical maneuvering might be called for, but for the most part I do think that if a woman is interested, she should act accordingly, but also be responsive to the clues she is getting from her male counterpart.

Here's the story behind why I posted this discussion... My daughter is casually dating this guy, but even though she really likes him, she is maintaining her distance. In kind, he is remaining somewhat distant as well. He doesn't 'appear' to be the shy sort, so we rule that out as a possible excuse for his lackluster interest. They have dated 4 times and have always gotten along and had a fine time. But the problem arises in-between their dates, when neither of them stay in touch. She refuses to message him, wanting him to make the effort first, and he isn't doing his part... My advice is for her to be herself, and if she is thinking about him and wants to say HI, then she shouldn't hesitate. For whatever 'old style' reason, she thinks that if she shows that she likes him, he will lose interest and back off even further. Of course I don't think she should make a pest of herself by any means, but to me she appears to be disinterested and somewhat cold, even though that's not remotely how she feels.

If it were me, I'd ask him why he doesn't message me from time to time during the week, and even say that I would like it if he would. This guy does have a busy life and right now my daughter doesn't, so that might well be his legitimate excuse? But without prodding him into discussing this, she is left to believe he just isn't that interested. I don't think that anyone at this early stage in a relationship would ever be totally honest and admit to not being interested, so if he didn't do as requested, I would take that sign into serious consideration and probably move on to 'greener pastures.'

So, is this good parental advice? What advice would you offer?

Permalink Reply by Derek on May 19, 2011 at 8:51pm

 

Is it true that a girl is supposed to act like she isn't that interested so that a guy will remain interested? Does this cat and mouse game still work?

 

I always thought that was a load of nonsense, well that's just me.

It sounds like your daughter's bf is not very interested at all, maybe it is because she is not in contact with him enough? Who knows.

 

Permalink Reply by Rick on June 7, 2011 at 3:00pm

I often find that attraction is a mutual thing, in that if someone shows interest, I’m more likely to be interested in them. Playing hard to get is terribly unattractive. If you act like you’re not interested, then I take that as a sign that I should move on. This could possibly explain the situation your daughter is in. If your daughter is purposely maintaining distance, then that’s sending a signal that she’s not interested, thus the lack of effort on the part of the guy. That’s my experience anyway.

Permalink Reply by ryan werling on February 6, 2012 at 12:06pm

good advice. i had this problem in high school i did not want to be over zealous and ask the girl im dating now, i found out later that she also had feelings for me. a few years later we got together again and realized we both felt the same way. we have been dating for over a year now.

Permalink Reply by Berty on April 20, 2011 at 1:01pm

doesn't work for me

cause I'm to shy to act first :p

Permalink Reply by Scott D. on May 21, 2011 at 1:57am

i like a challenge. im talking to a girl right now that makes it way too easy and it just annoys me.

Permalink Reply by Jon van Rooyen on May 23, 2011 at 6:47pm

I think that a bit of flirtation can be fun but it can get old very quickly when the lady persists with the hard to get act. It's natural for a guy want to be "on the hunt" but he eventually wants to catch the fox too! (Metaphorically speaking of course for all you ladies that find hunting distasteful :P)

Permalink Reply by Peter on May 23, 2011 at 9:43pm

LOL.. this question goes both ways on the gender highway. Playing hard to get can be difficult, especially if you dont see the signs or understand the chase.  Who hasn't been there where there is doubt and feeling like your going from interested to stalker..   To answer your question, i would guess at first yes, the cat and mouse can be exciting, the tricky part is when for it to stop, or at least be more straight forward and honest with intentions and interests.    Granted, my advice is is from my point of view and i've always been wierder then most..

Permalink Reply by Philip Jackson Armstrong on May 26, 2011 at 7:15pm

 

 This always confuses me. Playing... Act... I don't understand it. In my life all my relationships have been spontaneous. There is no game to it. It works immediately and then later you find the problems. If the relationship doesn't happen immediately, how can it work possibly work?

Permalink Reply by J. Ratzinger on June 22, 2011 at 11:28am

Still work! Of course it 'Still Works'!  Yes there is something to it! When a female acts disinterested and aloof she is essentially sending the message that she is of a higher status than the pursuing male and that is attractive for understandable evolutionary reasons having to do with each animal wanting to pass on the highest quality genes they can to their offspring so as to help insure the survival of those offspring. If a female is aloof then the message is 'I have highly desirable genetic traits'.

 

The effect is enhanced if the male is made to know that there are many males who are interested in that female. It stirs the blood for a male to see that other males are sexually interested in a female that he is interested in because it confirms that the female is a prime female. Most women know what effect it has on a man when he believes that other guys are sniffing around the same female he either has or wants.

 

I have heard of married men asking their wives to wear some almost too revealing or sexy clothes when they go to a club together or some function, and the wives recounting the harried railing they get from their inflamed husband between the sheets after the party because the mans desires were inflamed by the boob glances, and ass stares and other attention his lady got from other males in the club or at the party earlier in the night.

 

Disinterest, coyness, and especially jealousy are powerful manipulative tools for a woman to use on men but they can really get the job done. Triggering the Jealous reaction works a treat because it confirms to the guy that you must be desirable because other men want you too. We guys are proper suckers for that manipulative shite.  We can't much help it, because under all those fancy suits and Italian leather underwear with the built in iPhone pouch in the front, we are after-all just animals wanting to pass on our genes.

Permalink Reply by Dylan Alexander Fick on June 26, 2011 at 9:09pm

For me I've always been interested in a girl if she's interesting regardless of if she shows interest or not.

HOWEVER I only communicate my own interest if she shows at least some sign of reciprocation because I do NOT want to be that friend that is always trying to get with her. 

Unless the girl shows reciprocated feelings light flirting is the farthest I go. 

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