Is it true that a girl is supposed to act like she isn't that interested so that a guy will remain interested? Does this cat and mouse game still work?

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I knew a girl once who delighted in going to church every Sunday morning, and later, seducing nice, pure, Christian boys - it gave her a perverted kick to prove she could corrupt them.

I wrote her a poem one morning, upon watching her pass my apartment window on her way to Sunday School:

"There was a little Church Cat,
Who went to church to prey,
And woe to any Church Mouse
That she meets Sabbath day!"

Not all cats wait in boxes.

This has only ever worked on those who are bombarded with attention from many different people and even then its only sporadic..  

I've always appreciated reciprocal interest.   I mean I'd probably get turned off if someone started calling or texting me 10/20 times a day but even that might not be true if it was the right person.  

You can't catch a fish if you don't throw your bait in the water.  You gotta show SOME interest... just don't smother someone with it.

All I'm saying really, is that it would be nice if the mouse looked back and winked occasionally. Scooping a woman up, I'm game for. Most though are unavailable, or needy. At least here in the Killeen/Fort Hood area. Most are not very intelligent. And though I really like scrubs, (tons of nurses here) I think lab coats are so much more attractive. I'm a strange guy, I know. That's how I roll.

I've narrowed my choices to Washington, or Vermont. I can't decide. Boeing, or close to family. This really is a tough choice. Either way I'm sure the choices in women will drastically improve, whichever I choose. So many are brought here by the military, so you can imagine what kind of people I'm surrounded by, living adjacent to the largest military installation in the U.S. Shit! I really need to get the fuck out of this place. I'm going to catch stupid if I stay here too much longer!

I live in WA and it's an amazing state. Very liberal. Lots of intelligent women. I don't know much about Vermont, tho....

I think you'll find that a lot of women want and expect the male to take the lead, and this more or less results in the game you're describing. 

Likewise, while the "No means no" thing makes a lot of men think that maybe women want them to ask "May I kiss you?" most (or many) women really prefer the male to go for it (under appropriate circumstances and after reading the signals, of course) and then respect whatever her decision is, be it to accept and return the kiss or rebuff it.

Nope. If someone doesn't seem interested then I'm not interested. It just feels like I'm kicking a dead horse.

I think if anyone is interested in someone, then say so.  Don't play coy. 

Personally, I can't be bothered with cat and mouse.  The moment a girl attempts to keep me at arms length to keep me interested, I walk.  I don't have the patience or tolerance for games.

I think that this pretty lady has been playing such a game with me for a month now and it is absurdly confusing! She likes to play games and I hate being frustrated by her fluctuating attraction rejection push and pull up and down come and go in and out madness. Sometimes I couldn't tell if she was gaming me or serious about the negative parts.

It's not just humans. Take a look at birds, for example, to see how the females make the males go to absurd lengths before getting a roll in the hay. LOL

You're earning the right to do da durty.

I know this is an old discussion, but I have a concern about this so-called "cat and mouse" expectation that society has placed upon women.

I recently took my car to be looked at and the guy seemed nice. But when he asked me out "for a drink" I politely declined and said, "thank you for the offer." He said, "OK, what do I have to do to change your mind?" I said,"I'm not going to change my mind." He said,"Oh I see, so you like to play hard to get." I said, "No, I just can't date right now." He said "why not?" I said, "I just can't!".....he seriously WOULD NOT TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER!!!!!!!!!!! What is it with men who just can't understand when a woman says "no" she means "NO!" It's like you have to become a bitch just to be heard and even THEN...I am just so fed up with having to qualify my "NO." Why don't men take "NO" for an answer????? I'm not playing games. No is no is no!!! Why don't men respect that? Seriously.

Belle, you ask interesting questions.

In one of those small group workshops that were popular in the 1970s, I was one of about 20 people, both men and women and most of us in our 30s, who were asked to line up along a wall according to how aggressive or passive we believed we were.

Very quickly, a woman in the group and I were contesting for first place on the aggressive end. I was pushing her harder than I'd ever pushed a woman and she was pushing me harder than any woman had ever pushed me. When the workshop leader ended the exercise, she and I still had not settled the issue.

The workshop leader surprised me when he said the pushing at the passive end is sometimes rougher than the pushing at the aggressive end.

You asked why men don't take "NO" for an answer.

I once did conflict resolution work. For several years, perhaps twice a month, I was one of a panel of three or four trained volunteers who heard both parties to a conflict and helped them work toward a settlement. We were not allowed to suggest any part of the settlement.

The process consisted of four phases.

1. We asked the parties to face us and gave each one from 15 to 20 minutes to describe the issues. Experience showed us that if they took more than about 45 minutes they were not yet ready to settle, so we invited them to call again for another appointment and ended the process. 

2. We asked them to face each other and describe their concerns: how they felt, etc. When one of them said something like "Well, I could have done...." and the other didn't protest we went to the next phase.

3. We asked them to identify the terms of a settlement.

4. We wrote their settlement and asked them to sign it, with the understanding that if it didn't work then either of them could call for an additional appointment.

Later, I was able to use the methods I learned when I was a volunteer at San Francisco Sex Information ( and people called about conflicted relationships.

What is it with men who just can't understand when a woman says "no" she means "NO!"

I hope you're not imposing a stereotype on all malekind. I hope you really mean "What is it with (those) men who just can't understand when a woman says "no" she means 'NO!'"

I think most men are quite a bit less persistent than that control freak.

And then you have the fact that some women do like to toy with guys with a "no" that can mean "maybe." Perhaps they are mildly interested, but not enough yet to commit to a drink or a first date. They want to get to know him a bit better and not send him packing. And of course, some women will interpret persistence as sincerity and not just "The more women I ask, the more frequently I'll score," the other kind of guy who is too ready to give up.


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