Why I'm here:
* Have you lost in love and still tending your wounds?
* Busy life and career, no time to date?
* Afraid to get too close?
* Too shy and introverted?
* Hate the bar scene, but don't know where to meet up with someone?
* 'Been there, done that', just what a friend/companion (for now)?
* Anyone out there old enough to remember black and white TV's, antennas, and changing the channel with the knob on the TV?
* Can't find an atheist mate? - i live in texas, theist are thick on the ground
* Hate the bar scene, but don't know where to meet up with someone?
* Too picky? - maybe it's because i'm surrounded by theists, but i hate it when someone can't their own in a conversation. . .or when they fall back on "that's just how it is, so you're obviously wrong"
* Still searching for your soul mate? Yep
* Broke and lonely too? Oh yeah :(
* Afraid to get too close? not really
* Can't find an atheist mate? check
* Too shy and introverted? that too
* Hate the bar scene, but don't know where to meet up with someone? definitely
* Enjoy 'playing the field' and don't want to settle down? NO
* I'm too stupid, ugly, and insensitive, so nobody likes me? I sometimes think so, when I'm getting depressive. :/
* Don't know why I'm still single, I'm a great catch.... Not so much.
One other thing is that I'm 49, and in gay years that's like half-past dead. :(
Atheist 64yo single = forever single
Not much yearning in women folk for guys my age who are atheist, not wealthy, not tall, not especially good looking and kinda geekish. Never mind that I am intelligent, witty, charming, cuddly, good parent who raised two wonderful kids and now fawns over 3 precious grandkds. Prospects for long term relationship seem to be just above zero as the superficial faults generally outweigh the core values and traits in too many prospective partner/friend's eyes.
Nevertheless, I am secure, self sufficient, happy and content with my life because the love I do receive (and there's lots of it) comes from people who really mean it and are forever close to my heart.
taken one by one:
* Still searching for your soul mate? no such animal.
* Have you lost in love and still tending your wounds? over ten years ago. not really an issue.
* Busy life and career, no time to date? career on standstill in shitty economy, so i have no money to go out. also, i see no point in starting a relationship if i cannot support myself in it.
* Broke and lonely too? once in a while. i spent my last two years at university living alone, and i got used to it.
* Afraid to get too close? no, i think i get too close to people too fast. it's probably why i am more standoffish at this point.
* Can't find an atheist mate? that would be nice, but it's not something many people advertise. that is why you date people.
* Too shy and introverted? i have a bit of that, also. it's ironic because part of my profession is client interaction prior to doing my designs.
* Hate the bar scene, but don't know where to meet up with someone? never been into the bar scene, and i am typically dragged to them. the last one was a country and western ho down.
* 'Been there, done that', just what a friend/companion? no, i want more than friends.
* Enjoy 'playing the field' and don't want to settle down? if you define "settling down" as getting married, then i'm not ready for that. if it's being in a monogamous relationship, it's very appealing.
* I'm too stupid, ugly, and insensitive, so nobody likes me? i understand that my impression of myself is not what others see, so i don't gauge this well. i think that falls to other people taking an interest in your peculiarities.
* Too picky? i would have to go out for this to be an issue.
* Don't know why I'm still single, I'm a great catch.... i've never said this because i am not on either side of being a great person or a fucking asshole. i have my good and bad points.
I am a landscape architect (unregistered) and when there's no project on my board I am typically drawing a person. It's what I went to school for and it's what I've tried to get better at in recent years.
Being single doesn't bother me much as I have gone long stretches on my own. Often I go long stretches without seeing anyone I know to get work done or just because I live alone. There are times when I am alone and wish that I were not. This is when I get together with friends.
Family health issues have made it difficult to make my life seem important. Work is trickling out at best and I am constantly having to hunt down clients and contractors for payment for my design and construction documents. I don't want to get involved with anyone until I am stable again, and for that to happen I must either go work for someone (when nobody is hiring) or abandon my career and pursue another profession. It just feels like giving up when you have to take work that is not within your field. Yes, this is first world problem to a whiny educated person like myself, but it is all I have known since I graduated almost 15 years ago. Also, I have yet to find anything that will pay anything close to what I was making before I went out on my own. So it would be a matter of working and knowing that I will never make enough to pay my bills.
The key to getting back to enjoying my life appears (to me) to be having the means to afford the bare necessities and taking it from there. I don't want to start a relationship for the sake of cutting my living expenses in half or taking on more bills than I already have.
Like everybody else, I just want somebody who accepts me and put up with my bullshit as much as I put up with theirs. I have plenty of married friends who only have the latter of the two. For some of them, their world is exactly the same. They still go out, they still cheat on their spouses, and they still act like they always have.
Sydni, this is a great post. I've had my eye on a hardcore Christian lady who was in the army. There's nothing like a tough pretty girl with good morals. She likes somebody else. I hope I find another one like her. That seems doubtful.
I am very picky. Commonly I will hang out with some girl, and she might say something that could be contrived as racist, but it could be a dark joke and it might just set me off into a mental obsession with that and the meaning behind it. I'm actually not that sensitive, I love dark comedy, but when it's with someone I'm getting close to, it leads me to be distracted by that one thing the whole time we could be on a date that night. This commonly leads them to think I don't think about them at all, since I am now obsessing over something they said and am struggling to stay involved in the subsequent small talk/conversational switches.
I am quite jealous, and am trying to work on it. I don't react violently or anything, but when there is another man that a girlfriend of mine would be talking to a lot, or saying it's her best friend often, it causes me to feel depressed and worthless. I have suffered with depression my whole life. If I'm not the most important person to my significant other then I obsess over possibly being unimportant to them. I know it's an illusion when I think about it in retrospect, but it hasn't changed my habits in the spur of the moment.
Many of the women I have dated have extremely spiritual beliefs. I don't seem to attract the atheist crowd due to having limited education (GED), and a non-academic job (restaurant management). This usually isn't an issue for me but it is for them. Almost 100% of the time, the women that have left me, or argued with me so much I left them, have gone on to a very successful relationship with a man that eclipses them in their religiosity.
This has led me to believe that my choice in women were not open-minded enough to atheism. Most of them didn't even really know anything about what it is to be an atheist until they met me and talked to me about it. I don't make it obvious I'm an atheist till someone asks me about it, so usually many dates in, and quite probably after some physical contact (:D) they find out, and I'm sure it's a shock. I had one woman ask me if since I didn't believe in god, did I believe in spirits and ghosts, did I believe in psychic powers, the list went on and on for like a 1 hour conversation, and she was trying to argue with me about it. It has left me a bit scarred and defensive about my atheism, and I didn't wish to turn out that way.
I hate the bar scene, as I have said in another discussion I was raised by a man with Asperger's, and either I inherited it from him, or I am just using that as my model for social interaction. I cannot meet people very well, since I go into every social interaction thinking people will take advantage of me, make fun of me, or not understand what I mean by what I say (my speech makes sense to me, but some of the time makes no sense to other people). I am commonly taken out of context when talking about serious issues, despite the context having such a powerful meaning to me and being such a bigger part of everything I am saying. The bar scene makes me feel depressed and even more lonely, I go an wonder why I even went, and that everyone talks to each other normally, and I'm not normal when compared to them. That is how it makes me feel, like I'm back in school again as a teenager. Not a very pleasant feeling. I tried it for a while and the other part that is difficult about it is I am very terrible at remembering names. Awful at it. So I seem insensitive and not caring in a bar scene since I am required to memorize many names in rapid succession while my brain is not at full capacity.
I don't take care of myself that well. I'm somewhat overweight, I get big boils on occasion, so I know I don't look all that attractive. I've had big dark circles under my eyes since I was very young, it's in my family, they all have the same thing. And I know this kind of makes me look like an alcoholic/addict to some drugs or something, so I'm sure it turns some women off potentially when I am very far from any of that. My first impression is not all that great, since I don't grasp style or matching, I just wear what's comfortable.
I would like to find a woman that can appreciate an atheist who isn't anything but a simple man raised by a southern family (in California). I just like to work and play video games and enjoy time with my friends and family.
* Don't know why I'm still single, I'm a great catch....
I am articulate, intelligent, well-read, musical, romantic, honest, loyal, open-minded, poetic, self-confident, helpful, I do sports, and I know what I want. I am not handsome, to be sure, but there are many men who are uglier than I, but still successful in finding partners. I usually do not talk about my abilities or skills so as to boast about them.
So far, there has been only one woman I know of – because she told me – who has fallen in love with me. I simply do not know what I do wrong, and up to now, no one, neither male nor female, has been able to explain to me or anyone else why I am so unsuccessful.
I have approached many females in manifold a manner. I have talked to them, I have sent them handwritten letters and emails, I have composed poems and songs; I have cooked for them, I have taken them out to the cinema, to restaurants and cafés; I have listened to them closely, I have asked them questions showing that I was really interested in them, I have told them my true opinions on all matters; I have approached females younger than me, females my age, and femals older than me; I have approached females tall and small, blonde, brunette, ginger, blue-, brown- and green-eyed, more or less intelligent, introverted and extroverted, shy and self-confident, sporty, with a normal figure or a few pounds overweighted, more or less articulate, well-read or not interested in reading at all, interested in philosophy, science, music, sports, more or less ‘girlish’, intellectuals and workers; I have been the nice guy and the badass; I have never put pressure on them, but I have always made my intentions clear to them; I have actively searched for someone, and I have waited to be found.
So here I am with absolutely no idea why there appears not to be a chance in hell for me to find a partner.
I don't consider myself to be handsome and I don't let that slow me down; however, my problem is I get the wrong type of women.
I get only what I can get. The type of women I want are too smart to go for the blue collar bad boy type(that's me). I think it's because they underestimate my intelligence and miss judge my preferences of leisurely pursuits. I guess I could get the girls I liked if I dressed more like a hipster and less like a biker.