everything except the first paragraph sounds familiar, as in it applies to myself.
"vague concept of 'my type'... really, it shouldn't be that hard to find." I think it can be if you "have this tendency to not let anyone in", at least that's what I'm trying to work out for myself. And when it comes to "fear of being abandoned, or of getting close to a person, and then having them walk away", I see for myself that having my only friend, my best friend, walk away from my life has been something I probably subconsciously fear a lot. Especially since I now have a group of friends, which I have never had before, and I'm not sure how to get close to the people of the group individually.