Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Adva on March 11, 2009 at 7:20am

Obviously, Jessica, you're too early... ;-D

My eldest is not yet eight, so I don't know yet, I'm guessing somewhere around twelve would be fine. Maybe eleven?! "Too early" is when they don't even know what you're talking about; "too late" is when they do, so you have to find that thin line when they start getting information, and you want this to be correct inforamtion. Opening your eyes and ears would be a good idea, to try and spot the moment when they become interested and start gaining knowledge.

Permalink Reply by Rev. James Thomas Hicks, D.D. on March 11, 2009 at 9:06am

It is hard to say when the right age would be. I didn't receive the talk until after the fact. My parents were 2 years too late. I knew of the act of sex from an abnormally early age. I don't remember exactly how I figured it all out but I was more than ready when the time came.

I do know that waitin' until puberty is not a good idea, at least not in my case. It's best to keep an eye on the young ones, look for signs of sexual thinkin' or actions, prior to puberty. If there are none then great, wait until puberty but do not wait any longer.

Their is not exact age when this should be dealt with. Like I was sayin', my parents were late on talkin' to me 'bout it. They waited until I was 13. I hit puberty when I was 11 & was already sexually active.

Permalink Reply by EmryB on March 27, 2009 at 12:00am

My mother gave me the talk when I was 9. I think as soon as your children start asking questions about it, you should address them. It shouldn't be a taboo subject. So many parents are too embarrassed to give their children proper education. It's just a fact of life.

I completely agree with your proactive approach!

Permalink Reply by Bleacheddecay on April 25, 2009 at 12:59am

We gave each of the kids the talk complete with putting a condom on a banana, a book about their bodies and sex and answering any questions now and in the future at the point that we felt they could keep from blabbing their knowledge at school. They were each eight at the time. It wasn't too early. In fact, the next year the kids were talking about going on group dates during which females gave blow jobs to males in the back row. Thankfully those may have just been spurious rumors. One can hope!

I told my kids that they were going to want to have sex. That it was natural and wonderful to have sex as long as YOU want it and you are not doing it for anyone else.

We have provided condoms for some time but they haven't had sex or used them. I also told them that making a baby at the wrong time could be a problem but getting a disease that could KILL you was of more concern to me. I think people focus on pregnancy too damn much.

As it happens I have a lesbian child. So now I'm looking into what would make her safer when she begins having sex. I will need to stock up on some female condoms and dental damns I guess. I'm also researching the HPV vaccine which I've heard some really scary things about.

The religious and societal thing about waiting to have sex until you are married and/or in love is utter crap IMO. I think it's really dammaging to all of the sexes and to society. My kids know that.

Permalink Reply by theres A on May 4, 2009 at 11:06am

My son is 10 years old and in 5th grade. His public school sent home a paper saying they were planning to show the kids a video on puberty and reproduction. My husband and I had already explained to him what sex was earlier this year and he has always watched a lot of Animal planet and we have talked a lot about how all living things reproduce so hopefully it wasn't portrayed as such a big huge deal. Obviously the education part of it all is going to be an ongoing thing which we will talk about as he gets closer to puberty and hopefully the other parents of the kids in his class won't just drop the subject now that they know the kids watched a video about it at school.

Permalink Reply by mrs kelligurl on May 31, 2009 at 11:36pm

We have 3 daughters; 11, 10, and 17 mths. The older 2 we have been very open with in the sex and puberty department. When we discussed sex with them we told them that it's best to wait until they are much older, but not because of love or marriage, but because of the emotional repercussions that come with making adult decisions. We focused more on the aspect of diseases and pregnancy potentials. We didn't want to make it where sex is 'scary' or only for marriage, however, we wanted to let them know that something that can be so enjoyable can have life changing consequences. There is a collective rule in our home though..our girls cannot date until they earn their black belts...if they wanna wait around until they are 17-18 so be it. As a parent I have to know that I am sending my daughters as prepared as I can into the world..mentally and physically. I think parents do a disservice to their children when they focus on sex is for marriage only type stuff. We discussed that when they do find one person they want to be committed to later on..multiple partners can affect a few things (jealousy, insecurity issues, etc) and increase the risk of diseases, and pregnancy. The girls, at least at their age, decided that they wanted to wait until after college to have sex..that's great news to us, but their dad and I are well aware that is likely to change; and we told them as long as it is their choice our job is to inform and support...not to judge them.

Admittedly, as their mom I want them to only have 1 partner..that they get a std screening with prior to sex of any kind; however, I know that is a complete cloudscape that is more fairytale-ish than the whole santa thing!! I just want them to be smart about their sexual choices..whether thats at 16..or 35.

Permalink Reply by K fisk on July 24, 2009 at 11:04am

My older girls are 15 and 12. We never had "the talk" we never had to. I don't understand the idea of pussyfooting around the subject (that's so blatantly OUT THERE- EVERYWHERE) and then suddenly springing it on them when they're hormonal. Their sex ed has evolved over their whole life. Dogs hump, we live in the country and see horses mating, cows, goats... we go to the grocery store & tabloid headlines are all sleezy and there's a discussion point. It's never been any secret in our house where babies come from and my girls know what's up. I really really really think "the talk" is probably not the way to go about it. This isn't privileged information, it should be common knowledge. Whenever a maxi pad commercial comes on & your 4 yr old says "What's that?" they deserve an answer. I would definitely not just randomly put my daughter on the pill, that would be her decision and hopefully one she debated thoroughly, as it can have health consequences that should really be weighed more heavily. We talk about sex constantly in our house, the subject comes up quite frequently, because of media references and farm animals. My girls know a lot more facts than their friends do, and are always "schooling" their friends. One of whom was a 17 yr old girl who didn't understand how periods worked. Each month she was afraid she was dying. Her parents told her to pray and praise God whenever her period came. Like it was some kind of sign from beyond.

Permalink Reply by Stevie on August 26, 2009 at 12:43am

This is exactly how I have been with my 16 year old daughter! I completely agree with you about "the talk". As things came up, we talked about it. I refuse to make something so natural-shameful, deceitful or just put my head in the sand! I'm her parent and I want to be the one she gets her information from first!

Permalink Reply by Reggie on August 26, 2009 at 12:53am

Such a sensible and rational approach. How the religious would revile you!

Permalink Reply by Reggie on July 24, 2009 at 12:15pm

I don't have children yet (which makes me the perfect, know-it-all parent, hehe), but my game plan mirrors that of many of the commenters here. I won't have "the talk", but I will answer their questions with age appropriate answers that they can digest easily. Hopefully, over the years, they will develop a good understanding of what sex is and the emotional and physical ramifications it can have not only on them, but their partner(s). As with all things including sex, I really want my children to be educated, honest, and empathetic. Hopefully the little brats listen to their father.

Permalink Reply by Marome on October 30, 2009 at 4:47pm

I wish I had known about sex and that stuff when I was 10 years old because my teacher accused me of masturbating during the lesson. I didn't know what that was so I couldn't defend myself.

Permalink Reply by Laura Pineda on November 7, 2009 at 12:58am

I'm barely 17 and I too am thinking about this. I plan on starting as young as 10 because of my experience. Since I grew up with older cousins, I had an idea of what sex was by the age of 7. When I was in 5th grade, my school introduced me to my period, but only my period. At that time, I was very confused. To me, I just thought that the consequences of having sex was just missing your period and having a baby. I learned about STDs the next year. My health class hired a representative of the STD clinic to talk to us about it. They showed us pictures of the most common diseased infected genitals and gave us explicit symptoms of each disease. After middle school, I enrolled into a health magnet school. I'm very glad I did so; it really branched out on sex. Every year, i had an option (first year was mandatory) to listen to a speaker (don't know where he was from). This speaker (it was always the same guy) helped clarify a lot of misunderstandings. He taught us that a girl decides if she wants to have sex (the fact that she dressed very slutty, or is flirting and touching a guy or a girl means nothing) , the age of consent (in Texas is 17), oral sex, what gestures are illegal if the person is under the consent age and the consequences of sending nude pictures online or via texts. I also got a review of STDs. I am very blessed that I got all this information because a lot of my friends who attend another school don't know all this. They usually come to me for information. When i become a mother, I plan on exposing her/him to all of this information. This and teach her/him that masturbation is not bad and shouldn't be frown upon. I will provide her/him with condoms because I do not trust pills (though there are many STDs that can be acquired even with a condom). The reason why i would like to start early is because i feel that kids learn about sex early and are not aware about the ups and downs to it. I also hope that introducing this topic early will make it easier to talk about. Since my parents ignored this topic and refused to give me a talk,i didn't know what rubbers, dildos and what guys experience instead of periods (morning wood, wet dreams etc.) were until high school. Also, starting early will give me an advantage to spread the information. I don't want to scare my child with all this information in one sit down! anyways, sorry if this is too long.. it's been on my mind for several months.