Not Out the Closet!


Not Out the Closet!

I am an Atheist, very few people know. My Mother, my wife and two very close friends. Although I want to be a "Public" Atheist I am not there yet. This is a forum for seeking advice and to share experience. Things to consider and be aware of.

Location: Everyones Bedroom!
Members: 27
Latest Activity: Mar 1, 2016

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Comment by Toby Briggs on April 23, 2014 at 6:48am

Hi guys, this group couldnt be more relevant in my life right now!

above is my story of my deconversion! 

peace and love x

Comment by A.T. Heist on February 7, 2014 at 11:42am

I'm not out of the closet. In fact, I work in a church as music director.  To quit would deprive my family of much-needed income.  So I remain in the closet for the time being.  See my blog here at TA for more about me.

Comment by Rachel Slawson on April 13, 2013 at 6:21am

I've been out of the closet with my husband actually using the word "Atheist" for about four years now.  At first I was nervous, as he is a Christian and I was as well when we first got married seven years before (I was questioning even then).  I was afraid he would feel lied to, but he was more accepting than I could have dreamed.  I think it helped that it was a gradual change that he was able to watch, rather than an all of a sudden thing. 

My friends and family on the other hand, are another matter. My mother is a very conservative Southern Baptist, and my father is an Evangelical.  My sister is a Christian as well, and works for a girl's youth ministry.  She has also done missionary work in the Philippines and Haiti.  

The vast majority of my friends, save for a few people I met in college back in my home state, are all conservative Christians.  For the sake of background, I grew up in Lake Charles, Louisiana, in a very conservative family.  EVERYBODY in this town is Christian of some kind or another, there is just no escaping it.  I grew up in a churchgoing family, and I was homeschooled from fifth grade till graduation.  During that time my mother had me enrolled in a Christian homeschool group, where I made a lot of friends.  I attended a lot of youth bible studies as well, and made friends at all the churches we went to.  So for the most part, save for one lone escapee I recently reconnected with on the internet, all of my childhood friends are Christians as well.  I have struggled to build close friendships as an adult, so they are pretty much all I have. See what I am up against? 

This evening my best friend from childhood left me a private message on my Facebook   I had liked an image from a Dawkins fan page, and for some reason it actually posted the thing to my wall (Facebook and its wonky new changes, gah!) so a lot of people I would rather not have a confrontation with saw it.  She basically expressed that she is concerned about me and chided me and asked "where is your faith?".  I have no idea how to tell her "I have none". 

I really love this girl, we have been close friends since childhood. I guess it's mostly a fear that she will ultimately reject me, and then I will be all the more alone. But now more than ever I really feel the burning need to just let ALL the people in my life know, and consequences be damned.  But I am very sure that if i don't do it in the right way, delicately, my entire social life will implode, and I'll bring more grief and frustration on myself then I can handle. 

Comment by Scott Howard on March 28, 2012 at 8:49pm
I'm a half-out atheist. While I no longer attempt to hid my atheism, I don't proclaim it either.

When I deconverted, I told a few close friends and my wife. Ouch! Those friends are now ex-friends, their coice not mine.

I found much more acceptance from my non-christian adult kids and I found a now defunct web site ( where I got lots of compassion and answers.
Comment by Citizen Atheist on January 22, 2012 at 6:30pm

I'm only out of the closet with my middle-kid and my co-workers.  I feel like a heel keeping this from my wife, but I've been an Atheist for about a year and am an avid blogger.  I'm moving my blog post-by-post from blogspot to here.

Any advice for breaking the news would be great. 

Comment by Chris H on August 26, 2010 at 6:16am
Brooke, there is an amazing book that has recently seen the light regarding the issue of raising kids outside of religious dogma. Its called Parenting beyond belief: on raising ethical, caring kids without religion By Dale McGowan. I have not read it myself yet and am waiting for a copy in the mail. However as far as I understand it is worth the while getting it.

@ Sophia. I understand what you are saying. And agree. Do not feel pressurized or pushed into going "open" its very much an individual thing. Stay true to yourself. And sometimes you will be surprised at how many people "knew" without you saying anything. The pity thing also gets me. But it is something that you learn to deal with.

Yes we are pretty secluded. I have found a lot of good friends on facebook though that I have become very fond of through my beliefs. Also there I can be who I want to be and do and say as I please as ia m surrounded by like minded people whom do not flaunt the fact. For most of us it is mere a single aspect of our lives although in the beginning it feels like it is a bit all consuming. Sure you will understand what I am trying to say.

Message me if you want to hook up on Fb.
Comment by Brooke Bender on August 26, 2010 at 1:58am
Totally in the closet. Plan to move far away and never fully come out. I often worry about how to deal with raising atheist children, even though I know that is far in the future!
Comment by Chris H on December 25, 2009 at 2:12pm
Basically I know that I want to be out.... However I don't think that it would be right for me (Everyone might not be the same) to just start telling everyone what I do or do not believe. But the experiences of "forced"prayer with family especially in the festive season as well as God and religion being forced down my throat is starting to seriously irritate me. The stupidity and downright idiocy of religious people coupled with the false grace and goodwill kills my sense of humor. And that I have plenty of normally. In short I have decided not to tell if not asked but the everyday God this God that is seriously getting to me.

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