I have been in a relationship for three years and am certain that she is the one I want to be with forever.  However, I have a true problem with hypersexuality and masturbation.  I have recurrently masturbated behind her back and she has found out after the fact and deservedly so has become upset owing to that fact.  The deception and untruthfulness has caused significant strife in our relationship.  We had a great sex life until the first incident where she found computer history of me viewing pornographic sites.  At this point our sex life diminished.  Before her I masturbated daily for almost 10 years even when I had other relationships, unless of course I had had sex that day.  Since my brain had become hardwired to think that no sex meant that I should masturbate, I began to do so behind her back.  This has lead to me realizing that I am addicted to masturbation and that I need help.  I have turned inward to the teachings of Buddhism now to try to solidify the ideals of truthfulness, honesty and the importance of the bond that comes with trust, but I know that that is not enough.  I don't know what to do to include my girlfriend so that we build trust and love while I try to heal.  I'm not sure where to turn or what to do...please help.

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So your girlfriend feels that if she doesn't want sex, you shouldn't either?  I am also, or at least used to be, hyper-sexual, but I never considered it an addiction.  My wife fully understood my need to masturbate, I needed (or wanted) sexual release about three times a day, she was happy with once a month.   If you prefer to define yourself as an addict, so be it.  But I eat three times (at least) a day, drink frequently, breathe constantly, and consider none of this to be an addictive disorder. 

What I was trying to say is that I don't want to masturbate when I am in a healthy sexual relationship.  She enjoys sex as much as I do but because of my actions of deceit (pornography behind her back) she withdrew the amount of sexual encounters.  It is not that she doesn't want to have sex, it is that she doesn't feel that I deserve it, and I agree.  That is why I want to stop...I define an addiction as something you want to stop, have tried to stop, jeopardizes some part of your life if you don't stop and yet you can't stop.  That is why I am reaching out to fellow addicts to try to find answers to my issue. 

The way to counter any addiction is basically the same.  Some can stop cold turkey, some join twelve step programs, some join support groups, some go into individual therapy, whatever works, all of these exist for hypersexuality.  Good luck, too bad there isn't a patch or gum like for nicotine addiction.

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