Confused - Who's what, how do you tell, and how can you tell if your crush likes a diff. gender?


Probably one of the most awkward and confusing things I've experienced on and off the internet, is trying to figure out [in the dating world] who's what [homosexual, bi, strait, asexual, ex.] and whether or not I should approach someone I'm interested in and ask them out when I'm not sure of their sexual prefrence and suspect they may not be interest.

How do you tell? Or is there even a way? :?

I remember one specific example where I screwed up, badly.

[I'm "questioning" and probably "bi" - but I don't know yet.]

I "fell for" a guy in high school who was extremely nice, funny, and intelligent. I tried to "make a move" to let him know how I felt. [I had a good reason to believe that this was safe, as he had had "girl friends," although, looking back, I never saw him make physical contact with his "girlfriends." - Which I didn't notice at the time.


So I tried to make a move, and scared him away, BIG TIME.

At the time I felt hurt and confuse... wondering why he was avoiding me and ran off whenever I tried to talk [even as a friend].


It wasn't until 4 years later, that I learned the reason why...

He "came out" gay on facebook.... wow I felt dumb. I was thinking, How the HELL did I miss that?!


Granted, my mistake RUINED our relationship as good friends. He hasn't contacted me since.


Confusion probably defines my position... unsure of what to do and afraid to ask when I'm interested in someone....


Help? Please.

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Replies to This Discussion

Well, generally I wait until they say something that gives a hint towards their sexuality. Especially with dating questions. If they talk about what type of man they like etc. Also, a lot of my online friends choose to list their orientation publicy. Most people do that but I choose to keep mine private.

There was one guy I tried to establish a relationship with online but that fell apart. I didn't even know he was gay at first. I spoke with him and he asked me if I was. Being one of the only gay men on the site, it would have been stupid to lie so I told him the truth. From there it launched into a whole discussion about men and past relationships. He started e-mailing me privately and I spoke on the phone with him.

And then, all of a sudden, he just vanished. Like... i can't even explain it. His profile still exists on the site but he hasn't had any activity for months, myspace, facebook, e-mail, none. I worry about what happened to him sometimes but I just hope nothing bad did happen. Since then I've found a man who I like and have been happy since.

Finding out if a man is gay, straight or bisexual takes some serious conversation. Sometimes I just bluntly ask if they are gay, and sometimes I get the same question. I prefer it to beating around the bush. Of course that doesn't mean he's going to like me but still, it's nice to know I have some *chance* with him, if any at all.

I'm sorry about your experience. I absolutely hated being in the closet for the years I WAS in the closet. The girls I dated I don't talk to anymore because I feel ashamed for using them in that way. I was good to them, but I wasn't dating them because I liked them, only because I feared what *others* would think.

Thanks Desota. ^_^
You talked about dating those girls because you were afraid of what others would think. Now that I look back on it... that's probably what the guy I was interested in in high school was doing. He never did anything "physical" or "romantic" toward these girl.... he just told everyone "this is my girlfriend."
I was naive at the time. Having been brought up in a "rather conservative Xtian" household, my parents held all "sexual" issues from me, not just gays. I had to find a lot of stuff out on my own. It wasn't until my eigth grade year that I even DISCOVERED the existance of gays, lesbians, and bisexuals. And that was because my friend came out to me as "bisexual" when we were hanging out. My response stunned her for a second, and then... well I have never heard her laugh so hard. [She often tells me I'm one of the most innocent ppl she knows.] - Anyhow my response to her telling me she was bisexual was "what's that?" At first she thought I was making fun of her, but when she saw I was serious, she started cracking up.

Anyhow... unfortunately, it was less than a year later that I fell for "T" [not going to use his real name] - so I was LITERALLY unable to see the signs of his sexual orientation due to my own ignorance of the whole topic.
I'm sorry to hear that. :( I can only imagine what it must be like for kids growing up in households as cut off on the topic of sex and sexuality as yours was. The best thing that happened to me was when my parents told me to get out. I learned how to take care of myself and grew up years before my time. I really feel for the kids that don't make it out though.
Is it more desirable to be rejected by someone because of looks, personality , nationality, race, age or your gender?


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