Just a thread to see if there are any other LGBTQ free thinking women on here! My soon to be former partner's theism has ripped us apart. There is nothing I'd love more than connect with other lady lovin' ladies who are non theists.
I was gonna leave this alone, because it made me so angry that you think you have a right to do this, but all I'll say is this: either you're queer or you're not. I can't believe there's a person out there who is so selfish and callous as to believe she has the RIGHT to use people like this. You can make whatever excuses you want, but I call a spade a spade. You don't belong in this community. At the very least, be upfront with the women you are using about what you're about, so that they can walk away without being hurt if they so choose.
And don't paint all women with a blanket brush.I am, and always have been, a hard Kinsey 6 lesbian my entire life. I was born this way, I'll die this way. So don't lump me into your fluid nonsense. The women you describe are either a) victims of compulsory heterosexuality and didn't realize they were lesbians or b) bisexual, pansexual, or otherwise non-monosexual.
Take a queer theory course and get back to me. You're way off base here.
And your self discovery should not come at the expense of others. Go find other bi-curious chics to do this with and leave the real queer women alone.
Again, I'm sorry to be so harsh, but nothing pisses me off more than interlopers, especially when said interlopers try to excuse their shitty behavior.
No. This is going way too far. While I have learnt a lot about the different tendencies between the lesbian and the gay community from you and Strega...there is still such a thing as hypergeneralising and narrowly defining a community and the LGTB spectrum. If Belle wants to have an LGTB experience that is her choice. And if she is clear about this, unfront and difrect about everything from the beginning and a possible partner, knowing this, choosing to have a fling or risk an unlikely long term relationship to come out of it...that's Belles choice and her Partners choice...not yours, not the LGTB community nor anyone else who thinks they can define who belongs in what community. When we start projecting our own view of LGTB onto the entire spectruim and expect to exclude people and keep them out based on our own painful experiences...then we are also doing what has been done to the LGTB community for centuries before...defining the sexual roles and sexual experiences of others. I agree that her careless comment is rediculously stupid and her experiment if she ever went through with it might involve hurting someone...they would be consensual adults and at this point, if everything is on the table, if both partners clearly know where the other person is coming from and they are two adults making clear choices...that is their business...not anyone elses.
She's not being upfront though. She openly advocated for experimenting, like a teenager...those are her words. What you're saying is perfectly ethical. What she is proposing is not.
I also think that there's a BIG difference between the gay man's view of this and the gay woman's. We don't do one nighters and flings in the way that it is common with gay men. She's looking to selfishly blindside another woman, in the name of "self discovery." Sure, if she IS queer, she belongs. But she herself said that she's doing it because she's tired of men. That's a lesbian's worst nightmare.
Informed consent is one thing. That's not what Belle is advocating for here, though.
Nah, I don't get to tell people to get out of the community, but when I find women like this interloping, I warn folks of what they are about, and they can do as they please.
What really pisses me off is that her stupidity completely ruined what was a great thread.
I think that the answer to this question is more than a little subjective. If you are long term oriented then yes that might be fair. But some gay people knowingly have flings with bicurious people. Especially for gay men many have strong fantasies about a straight guy fooling around with them as a one off thing.
If the bicurious partner is upfront about things from the very beginning...then anyone should feel free to experiment and its up to the other person to go along with it or not and to take the risk (assuming they are really looking for someone long term).
As for this kind of sentence seeming offensive...its not in the slightest offensive to me. If a man or woman wants to experiment sexually for any motivation even if it's rediculous (and yeah it is somewhat rediculous in Belle's case)...that's their choice and it has no bearing on the gay world if they are clear and honest about it to their gay date or partner.
That may be okay in the gay guy community, Davis, but this is something that's really frowned upon by most lesbians. See Strega's U-Haul joke.
It also kind of hurts our community because it's women who do what Belle is doing who perpetuate the divide between lesbians and bi women (not sure if this exists with men, but it's HUGE with women in many communities).
Yeah, it's her choice, doesn't make what she is doing here right, though.
Also, I want to add, Davis Goodman, that this is why I told her to make her intentions clear. IDK about gay men, but with gay women there are a hell of A LOT of women like Belle, who label themselves bisexual, pretend they want a relationship, and then bail when it turns out they are just experimenting and aren't looking for anything else. They never make their intentions clear. The result? A gulf between gay and bisexual women where gay women are rightfully suspicious of many women who CLAIM to be bi, but are actually just looking for a one night stand to satisfy a curiosity, or are disillusioned or pissed at men. Been there, done that myself, through four "relationships" with such women. All currently on the man train and pretending they never even touched a woman. Sorry, what she is doing IS HARMFUL, and it should be called out. /end rant.
I just hate people discounting the experiences of those of us who have been badly burned by women like Belle Rose. This isn't to attack her, it's to state facts.
This, so much. Don't get me wrong - these days, I'll take a gay environment/hanging with gay people over straight people any day, for the simple reason that I get tired of doing just what we've been doing in this thread, and repeatedly educating people. I love our allies, but what I don't love is having to explain things like this. It's tiresome after all these years.
But as far as sexual intent goes? Even being poly like I am, I don't go around hunting one nighters. Even my poly relationships are multiple relationships, not fuck buddies or whatnot. When I was younger I had lots of steady FWBs, but no longer - too old for that. So there's a difference between what would happen here with gay men vs lesbians.
Oh, this was four years ago haha, but thanks! Really old thread. I just randomly wandered in here and saw the replies were recent.
I just can't date theists. It feels like intellectual pedophilia. There's just something so juvenile to me about thinking that way. Gave it up after the last aforementioned relationship. Couldn't be happier.
Haha, thanks. The more I thought about it, and the more I tried to reason with them - especially the ones who like to sit up in church and rock and pray and shit - I realized I just couldn't do it. I can't even fuck a believer at this point, much less date one. It's like being with a 30+ year old woman who believes in the Easter Bunny or something. I can't believe it took me until I was 31 to figure it out. Kind of a full circle moment talking about it now, as I'll be 36 on Saturday. Strange how things change.