Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Cara Coleen on October 12, 2011 at 11:03pm

I think whether marriage could be considered old-fashioned partly depends on the reasons a couple marries. In our country, marriage offers security in many ways, and benefits to both partners. They are responsible to each other, and responsible for each other. If one is in the hospital, the other is designated as the decision-maker. Obviously, all of these responsibilities [should] stem from deep trust. It really is like signing a business contract. You do make yourself completely vulnerable to another person, but you're also ensuring someone will take care of you in the event something goes wrong.

Personally, that's the biggest draw for me; I want to know that someone will be there for me. I want to be in this thing with someone, not alone. I want them to be my friend; someone I trust more than anyone else. I want them to feel the same security with me as I do with them. Sure, it can be romantic, but a lot of it is just survival. Humans really aren't meant to be alone, and our society has really created a very isolating culture. Communities aren't as intimate as they once were. Nowadays, I think marriage could be considered more relevant than ever. Few can survive on one income, but even less are willing to have multiple roommates.

I think marriage for tradition's sake, or religious convictions, or even for purely romantic reasons is old fashioned, or simply wrong. I've never been sold on tradition. It's not that I don't enjoy traditions (like holidays, or annual family reunions, or birthdays etc), but I think tradition should be reserved for enjoyment and not to dictate how we run our lives. Obviously, I think marriage because of religion is absurd as well... for many reasons. People want to get married so they're "right in the sight of the Church/God", or because whatever holy book requires it, or because sex outside of marriage is wrong and so you better hurry and get married so you're not sinning. Those are all HORRIBLE reasons. And I also think that marrying someone just because you're in love could be a bad idea (though not always).

Then again, do we take marriage too seriously? Okay, so you fell in love, ran off, and got married. A year later, things are in the shitter. It didn't work out. Why does that have to ruin lives? Why doesn't every marriage come with a prenuptial? There should be an agreement in place before things go sour; before you resent that person and simply want to hurt them. I don't think this is encouraging divorce; I think it requires people think more carefully about their future. It could deter impulsivity. And people don't have to pay for a mistake for the rest of their lives. 

Anyway... um... wow I wrote a lot. Marriage: good for some; others, not so much.

Permalink Reply by Sharon M on October 20, 2011 at 12:33pm

I personally think that there is still value to marriage today. If not as a declaration of long-term commitment, then at least as a form of obtaining government benefits like tax credits, insurance benefits, and the inheritance of a portion of a spouse's assets or compensation and retirement plan benefits in the case of a deceased spouse. Without marriage a partner isn't usually entitled to much of this. I personally believe marriage is a good idea for those reasons but other than that, I don't think it's necessary. One thing I've always wondered though is if I were with someone and they didn't want to get married but say they plan to be my life-long partner I would probably question why not. There isn't really a downside unless you in fact don't want to be together forever. There really are only benefits. 

Permalink Reply by Cristynfaye on October 20, 2011 at 1:01pm

I totally agree with this.

Permalink Reply by Nina van der Roos on October 20, 2011 at 2:33pm

As a child of divorced, self absorbed and selfish parents I never thought I would ever get married, my being lesbian aside. Frankly my parents should never have been in the same country together let alone a marriage.

When my parents finally got divorced I stopped having problems at school and started doing well, at least well enough to get me into officer school three years later.Prior to them splitting up I was well on the way to being a problem teen so based on my experience I would say marriage bad and divorce good for the kids, better than fighting parents anyway.

 

The idea of not marrying or being in a permanent relationship did not trouble me at all and I did not feel the need to have a marriage in order to be defined. Then I had the great fortune to met a young woman (under horrid circumstances) and had the opportunity to observe her close and extended family at work, pulling together when it was needed the most. In her parents I saw how a couple could work well together, in her family I saw what a functioning family could do. A year later I was dating her, a year after that I married her and now ten years and four children on I am more convinced than ever it was a good idea.

 

I do think that many people do not consider the future well enough before they marry, they just do not approach marriage with enough thought and consideration. I spent many hours sitting with my future in laws talking to them and seeking their advice on how to make a marriage work. In the west we women are now in a much better position than ever before to create our own lives without having to marry and it is worth us asking ourselves what we want and not so much what those around expect. I spent some months asking myself this and I believe that the time I spent helped me come into marriage with realistic expectations, and all that has happened since has just been a bonus,

Permalink Reply by Andria Coyne on February 11, 2012 at 2:16am

On marriage:

I believe it's a great way to celebrate your commitment to another person. That said, I'm currently living with my significant other of 8 years. We are getting married this summer. We both spent a lot of time pondering the idea of marriage and what it means to us. We like the idea of a celebration even though we both feel as if we're already "married" to each other. We also know it will make our more traditional families feel more comfortable with our relationship. If our family wasn't important to us, we would probably go a courthouse and have a JP marry us. I honestly am not up to date on all the legal things that come along with being married beyond hospital visitations and post mortem decisions. Those two are extremely important to me as my SO is the most important person in my life.  

On divorce:

I'm okay with divorce. Sometimes you really do have irreconcilable differences. However, I do think that some people get a divorce without really trying to work on their relationship. Another note, I HATE when women demean themselves by "taking a man for all their worth". I understand if you and your former spouse work out some sort of financial agreement while you get back on your feet (assuming you haven't been working or something) but otherwise it's just sad. Don't set a double standard for yourself ladies.

Thats all for now. [first post /end]

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