I really did not expect that I will become an atheist in one day..
Here is my story and sorry for my weak English,
I try to shorten my story as much as I can...
I was interested in Islam and Christianity's relationship I wonder why Mohammed was interested in christians...
I read about Ahmed Deedat wasn't enough for me...
It only helped me in the debates...
Anyway, my friends at the mosque don't know anything about the debates and they don't know anything about the prophecies...I didn't get any help from them with my debates..
They like the blind trust in Allah even if they have doubts..
I feel pity for them, they are only memorizing the Koran like a parrot...
Until then, schism happened between me and them..Then I left the mosque..
My husband was happy because left them, he wasn't that religious..
So, I depend on my self on this mission and my father encouraged on this because he was religious...
Until that day came,
my christian friend gave me a book (criticism study about Islam)
by Kamel Alnajar >"secular and philosopher" interested in criticizing religion.... it wasn't a perfect book cuz there were few mistakes....
But I tested alot of important sentence mentioned in that book....
Ther a lot of things were true...
Every week I go to my father's Islamic library and I discuss with him some Islamic issues...
I was trying to respond to the claims...
and found that those claims were true according to the original Islamic sources!
Yes Muhammad was, thief, murderer, inconsistent..etc > all these claims were true according to the original
Islamic books written by Muslim Scholars..
The dark side of of Muhammad's life didn't hurt my feelings as much as the awful scientific errors did ...which was the strong reason that made me leave Islam...
I didn't tould my father about these facts cuz I was afraid to hurt this feelings...he still did'nt know about these facts..and I won't tell him.
I started to read for Nabil fayad who is interested in comparing religions and criticism ...
I relieved when I found that the religions are similar and harmful.. not only Islam!
Some arabic books that attracted me to share. >by Nabil fayad "secular and philosopher"
in addition to "the God delusion" by Richard Dawkins
I would like to share with you my story...
Like our friend hope, I didn't even think that I will become an atheist!
I've always had doubts, even when I was 5 years old when my mother told me that allah is god and he created everything. My first response to that was "okay, who created allah and what was before him?". Of course I was told that this was satan who is the enemy of allah so he tries to lead me away from the correct path(islam).
I asked allah for forgiveness as my mother said to fight those satanic thoughts! And as I grew older, I had many of these "satanic thoughts" that troubled me, doubts about everything, but I was told that allah has a mysterious causes in every good AND evil happening in the world. It was simple, evil on muslims means a test, and evil on non-muslims means punishment and wrath!
When I was 15-18 years old, I started to open my mind to these thoughts, didn't stop myself like before and started to ask a new question, "If allah planned everything, why does he punish the infidels? Them being infidels is his plans". It's all under the category of free-will, that people tell us we have in islam but we don't actually!
"allah plans everything, but you have free-will" this is the sentence they use, it contradicts itself and when we ask how is that possible! They say "nothing is impossible for allah, you can't understand you just accept" I started stopping myself from these satanic thoughts again.
One day I was thinking about thinking! Will allah punish me for thinking? Isn't islam the religion that DOESN'T contradict the mind?(as I was told) Then okay, I will think and if islam is really the truth then thinking will make me more religious, and a stronger believer.
I knew some people who opened their minds to think and returned to islam, but I think they didn't open it like me, I let myself think of the possibility that there is no allah or god, but them I don't think they did that, from what I understood they only compared religions. I think they didn't dare to doubt allah or they just didn't doubted his existence. But as I said, I did.
But before that struggle with doubt, I have always rejected extremism, debated with people who just hated non-muslims only because they are non-muslims. I considered myself a moderate muslim, which extremists and religious people call "spoiled islam". I believed what they said about islam being the religion of peace until I realized that it is only peaceful to muslims, but non-muslims were hated unless you want to convert them to islam then you have to be nice to them. I hated the ways religious people always talk about death and hell.
Back to the doubt, I didn't think that my doubt and my search for truth would one day lead me to atheism. I really thought my search for truth would lead me back to islam like my friends, but it didn't. I've always been interested in science. I didn't understand it to the point I become a scientist, but I know that it has the answers to many of the things humans asked. As a moderate muslim back then, I didn't think science will contradict islam. Until I opened my mind to that possibility as I said and found out it did! I had to choose sides on those contradictions, first before opening my mind I chose islam, then found much more contradictions and claims in the quran that are not true at all and only represent the mentality and intelligence or ignorance of people 1400 years ago!
In high school, I really liked the biology class, we studied a part called the "adaptation" of species only, not darwin's theory nor the concept of natural selection, because it contradicts with islam. And I was told to believe that darwin's theory of evolution is a conspiracy from the jews and it makes the jews the most evolved!(stupid I know) But when I understood evolution more and more in the past 3 years, I knew that that wasn't true. Even without the strong evidence and proof of it, it is the best way to describe life. With evidence, it is the truth!
2 years ago, I became an agnostic, or let's say "non-religious", I still believed in a super being controlling the universe, but it took a couple of months only to know that filling the gaps with god and god is not the answer and we don't really need him!
I was really afraid of that thought, I couldn't even declare my atheism to myself!! I overcame my fear and did it. And now I am a proud atheist. Proud of myself of course haha, I can't tell anyone!
Sorry for the long and scrambled story!
Have a nice day. :)
yeah, I use to have questions and doubts as well.
The key is,
don't ignore your questions and doubts and consider them satanic...
These questions will liberate you.
I discovered that I was silly becuse I accepted this bullshit Islamic quote,
"Worldly life is a prison to believers but it's a Paradise to disbelievers"
even when I have questions and doubts about this quote but I ignored them.> I was brainwashed!
[Why Allah treats Muslims as prisoners? I always used to ask my self this question]
Allah brainwashed muslims to accept being his slaves prisoners.
I decided to worship and trust my mind now.
"The key is,
don't ignore your questions and doubts and consider them satanic...
These questions will liberate you."