The Carnival's in Town!
Kreationist r smrt to!
The first one is great.
A Priest walks into a church to talk / pray to god. The Priest says "Dear heavenly father. I have been having many troubles lately. I must know, are you trying to punish me for a sin, or are you testing my faith. Please speak to me, tell me your will and I shall obey!" Then god says nothing..................................................
Because God Wasn't THERE!!!!! HA-HAAAAA!
(If you can't laugh at your-self, then what can you laugh at, huh?)
How many creationists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? ans.: they wouldn't; Only God can create light.
Is there a verse in the Bible that instructs creationists how to screw in light bulbs?
Why did God create science, then not bother to put in a word about it in His Holy Book?
Up here. Unless you live in Australia, in which case I am WAY down there.
Santa Claus doesn't exist; but he would if one of the gifts in his bag was eternal life.
The Bible is 100% literally true.
How do you know?
It says so in the Bible.
The Bible is 100% literally true in every detail.
Except for those parts you don't like.
Why is God (according to the Bible) male? How can you tell? Oh, and what does he use IT for? It must be either for procreation or for peeing. If it's for peeing, is that what rain is? Or if it's for procreation, how does that work, exactly? Is there a Mrs. God?
When a Christian/creationist dies, he goes to heaven where he lives forever and ever, and ever, and ever, and ever, and ever, and ever, and ever, and ever, and ever, and ever, and ever, and ever, and...
When a Christian/creationist dies, does he take his clothes to Heaven with him? Why? Why not?
If a Christian dies at age 103, does he go to heaven as a 103 year old? If so, why bother? If not, what age will he be? How about 23, since that is the age when I had the most fun.
If atheists like me go to Hell when they die, what will that hell be like? I fear that it will be in a place run by Republicans. As a matter of fact, they presently seem to be doing their best to give us a preview.
Why did Dod create death?
How often do amputees pray for God to regenerate their limbs? After all, God always regenerates the amputated tails of lizards, doesn't he? He surely must love humans at least as much as lizards, doesn't He?
Why does God so often let U.S.C. beat Notre Dame in football? For that matter, when Notre Dame plays S.M.U., whose side is God on?
When the winner of a race thanks God (as often happens), did the losers forget to pray?
Why did God allow so much suffering from disease before He finally decided to create penicillin? And then when He finally did create it, why did He make so many of the infectious microbes resistant to it? And for that matter, how was it that as soon as penicillin was developed, all the world's evolutionary biologists predicted that God would make them resistant, but God hadn't even mentioned it in the Bible?
Was Noah's ark the only boat in the world?
What did the termites eat on the ark?
Is gopher wood as good as douglas fir for building arks?
Given that the ark had only one small window for that long voyage, wasn't flatulence a problem?
What did the carnivores eat on the trip?
Do Christian amputees pray for God to regenerate their limbs?
Why wouldn't they? He regularly regenerates lizards tails if they lose them.
He must love humans at least as much as he does lizards, doesn't He?
What percentage of Christians who prayed for God to spare their lives had their prayers answered? ans.: none, He kills all of them, eventually.
Why do Christians die at the same rate as atheists?
When God sent his son to earth why didn't he send some penicillin with him? Think of all the suffering that would have alleviated.
If God favors Americans over all nationalities, which He surely does, why did He take so long to create them?
What language doth God speak? What language did He speaketh before He created everything? If He speaks all languages, why? wouldn't it have been a better "intelligent design" to just create one language - English, of course - and be done with it?