*I wrote this because I was feeling down about the bills again. I really should check into how much of a role money plays into my feelings. See, if I had a lot of money, I could always go somewhere and reflect and not have to worry about things being taken away from me. When you don't always have the money, it is scary. This month is okay but will I have enough next month? It can wear me down.*

Lying to myself might be a better thing than fighting through the fields
Oh I know it is not but I can’t hide that sometimes this is how I secretly feel
I’m not dreary and down because I don’t believe in a sky fantasy
I’m dreary and down because the people that I see cannot see past greed
How many hours do I have to scream before I can look past where I breathe
Place me inside a place where I can actually achieve something without fear of it getting taken away
Is there such a place
Is there such a place?
*
When I try to stand up and become firm
I move my body only to discover worms underneath eating away
At the very few dollars that I had saved
Lips quivering I start over trying not to pass out at the notices I receive
Struggling to get past the restrictions monetarily assigned to me
How can we look up with smiles on our faces
After getting paid we don’t have anything to block the sting of having less
I’ll pretend to be strong around everyone but I’m tired of this simulation
How many hours do I have to scream before I can look past my situation
Place me inside a place where I can actually achieve something
Without fear of it getting taken away
Is there such a place
Is there such a place?
*
And I don’t need it after I face my final breath
I need it now as I am afraid of what I have left
Wasting and evaporating right in front of my eyes
Is anything simple I find that basically no there is not
Accept for being tired of this
Going through motions with a clenched fist
Wondering why I am unable to find my own land
Uninhabited by this violent quicksand
It seems to follow me and become active wherever I am
See either way sometimes I feel damned
Angry with being here but kind of scared of skipping to the end
Don’t tell me to get better
If I could I would believe me I would
Who wants to carry the burden of feeling like nothing around them is ever good
I find my smile but these bills and requirements bring it down below the surface making it insignificant
Oh and everyone says stop talking about this sad stuff
But when you are in jail you can’t deny that you are locked up
Even if you make the most out of where you are friend you are still behind bars
Missing everything on the outside because nothing freezes for the have not
And if you’ve never been on the depression block how can you dare to speak up
Saying we should just get over it
When those words are so inappropriate