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Atheist Humor

A place for all things that might be funny to atheists or other non-theists.

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Comment by DeSwiss on November 13, 2009 at 4:16pm
A woman went into a store to buy her husband a pet for his birthday. After looking around, she found that all the pets were very expensive. She told the clerk she wanted to buy a pet, but she didn't want to spend a fortune.

"Well," said the clerk, "I have a very large bullfrog. They say it's been trained to give blow jobs!"

"Blow jobs!" the woman replied.

"It hasn't been proved but we've sold 30 of them this month," he said.

The woman thought it would be a great gag gift, and what if it's true... no more blow jobs for her! She bought the frog.

When she explained froggy's ability to her husband, he was extremely skeptical and laughed it off. The woman went to bed happy, thinking she may never need to perform this less than riveting act again.

In the middle of the night, she was awakened by the noise of pots and pans flying everywhere, making hellacious banging and crashing sounds. She ran downstairs to the kitchen, only to find her husband and the frog reading cookbooks.

"What are you two doing at this hour?" she asked.

The husband replied, "If I can teach this frog to cook, your ass is gone."
Comment by DeSwiss on November 13, 2009 at 4:14pm
A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle. For example: If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features. However, if she is menstruating, or menopausal, she tends to be more attracted to a man with tape over his mouth and a spear lodged in his chest while he is on fire.

No further studies are expected.
Comment by Reggie on November 10, 2009 at 5:52pm
Hahaha!
Comment by LaRae Meadows on November 10, 2009 at 2:43pm
Deswiss. I don't know if that's offensive or funny. LOL
Comment by DeSwiss on November 10, 2009 at 6:57am
Hi everybody! It's the new guy whose also the flu guy here and I'm here to say that the rumors are not true. Swine flu does not make you smell like Hickory Smoked Bacon when its cooking your ass. Its just a lot of regular sweat -- but its like maybe a ton per hour!!!

Okay, so here's my joke. I hope it's not too old:

So did you hear about the new gay Pope? He couldn't decide if he was divine or simply gorgeous.


Thank you, thank you. I'll be here all week. Try the veal......
Comment by Kerry Murton on October 25, 2009 at 1:05am
atheism is a non-prophet organisation
Comment by Camilo on October 23, 2009 at 2:59pm
That's a good one!!:D
Comment by Reggie on October 22, 2009 at 12:49pm
Haha. I like!
Comment by Scott A. Hunt on October 22, 2009 at 9:03am
Cartoon idea, can someone draw it?

Priest or just some person sitting on toilet and praying. In thought bubble "Please God, let everything come out ok". Underneath cartoon, "The Christian Movement"
Comment by Rick on July 22, 2009 at 4:54am
thanks for the invite...
 

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