Atheist Humor

A place for all things that might be funny to atheists or other non-theists.

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Sometimes the humor takes care of itself.

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Comment by God Bless Atheism on January 19, 2011 at 5:15am

University of Arizona Chemistry student proves the existence of god!


The Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?


Response: First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving, which is unlikely.  I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave; therefore, no souls are leaving.  As for how many souls are entering Hell, let’s look at the different religions that exist in the world today.Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell.  Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.  With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.  Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle’s Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added. This gives two possibilities:


1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.


2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.


So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, ‘It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,’ and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct...leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting ‘Oh my God.’

Comment by Jaume on January 10, 2011 at 8:29pm
Comment by God Bless Atheism on January 6, 2011 at 3:17am

HAHAHAHA I know its early but im just gonna go ahead and nominate Flower for the best comment of the year! thank you 

What you just said is one of the most profoundly brilliant things ive ever heard. Every point of your concisely coherent response would be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now smarter for having read it. I award you a million points and may god have mercy on your soul.  :)

Comment by T A A on December 25, 2010 at 6:33am
I bet even less know that Christians went from hating Jews to supporting the creation of Israel in less than a decade during WWI. There have been hiccups in that love here and there, but still.... Or that circumcision was a major splitting point for Chrisitans to break away from Jews in the beginning...
Comment by Erik H. Brush on December 15, 2010 at 11:43pm

Amazing irony is the fact that being an Atheist seems to most disturb Christians ( Monotheists ) while Pagans ( Polytheists ) who should have hundreds times more reasons to dislike me, since they have hundreds of Deities in many cases that they worship, really don't care what my belief or disbelief is!


And THAT is kind of funny if you think about it.

Comment by Jaume on December 15, 2010 at 8:35pm

I find this so hilarious it belongs here --


U.S. Air Force blocks NYT, Guardian over WikiLeaks


Pentagon officials have instructed employees they "shouldn't access the WikiLeaks site because the information there is still considered classified," said Colonel David Lapan, a Pentagon spokesman.


Comment by Sadly 'M' iCantSay on December 15, 2010 at 6:56am

what makes me laugh is what people say when a "liberal" but still muslim person gets sick! they say it's "god's punishment and wrath"!! 


but when a religious person of god gets the same sickness, it becomes "god's test of faith, and god tests the people he loves"

Comment by Sophia Kousiakis on November 16, 2010 at 5:56am
Comment by Khrystyne on November 14, 2010 at 1:05am

Comment by Sophia Kousiakis on November 11, 2010 at 6:11am

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