A lady goes to her priest one day...
- Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing.
- What do they say?
- They say, 'Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?'
- That's obscene!!!
... (priest thinking)
- You know, I may have a solution to your problem. I have two male talking parrots, which I have taught to pray and read the Bible. Bring your parrots over to my house and we'll put them in the cage with Francis and Job. My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship, and your parrots are sure to stop saying that phrase in no time.
- Thank you, father!
The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest's house. As he ushered her in, she saw his two male parrots inside their cage holding rosary beads and praying. Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them and, after a few minutes, the female parrots cried out in unison:
- Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?
The woman and the priest were stunned. One male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed:
- Put the beads away, Frank, our prayers have been answered!
What are some of your favourite jokes that have something to do with religion or atheism?
And a classic lightbulb joke...
How many atheists does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to actually change the bulb, and the other to videotape the job so fundamentalists won't claim that god did it.
Must be the wind.
Catholics are against abortions.
Catholics are against homosexuals.
But, I can't think of anyone who has less abortions than homosexuals! -- George Carlin
A young woman teacher explains to her class of third graders that she is a born-again Christian. She asks the class if any of them are born-again Christians too.
Not really knowing what it means to be born-again, but wanting to please and impress their teacher, many little hands suddenly shot up into the air. There was, however, one exception. A girl named Sarah had not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asked her why she has decided to be different.
"Because I'm not a Christian."
"Then," asks the teacher, "what are you?"
"I'm an atheist."
The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Sarah why she is an atheist.
"It's just that my family isn't religious. My Mom is atheist, and my Dad is atheist, so I am atheist."
The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason." she says loudly. "What if your Mom was a moron, and your Dad was a moron. What would you be then?"
"Then," says Sarah, "I'd be a born-again Christian."