In a bizarre twist, the conclave has decided to elect a random Atheist as pope - believing they will show the world that Atheists don't have any better answers than octogenarian celibates.  You've been selected - what would you do?

Remember, disbanding the church really isn't an option because the adherents aren't going to give up just because an Atheist Pope said to abandon faith.  Realistically, what could you do as Pope that would actually have a positive impact on the world?

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You obviously have a keen understanding of human psychology and have figured out that taking away the security of the fantasy would cause their little minds to tilt.

Better to let them down slowly.

1. Since there was no Adam and Eve and hence no original sin, you can all get off that 2000 year old guilt trip.

2. No original sin means that the Jewish philosopher didn't have to die for your sins so you can quit feeling guilty about that as well.

3. Since you don't feel guilty anymore, the church releases you from its manipulation and control.  Keep that 10% of your hard earned wages. 

4.  You are free to be sane and think for yourself.

Of course we know there are are still some people that will not be able to handle this freedom and truth.

I would use the Vatican's vast resources, ripped off over centuries, to open schools all over the world, wherever they're needed and establish communes, similar to the Israeli Kibbutz, enabling the starving millions to feed themselves, and subsidize them with the necessary food and other resources needed to become self-sustaining.

Then we'd all hold hands and sing "Kumbaya," followed by, "I'd Like To Buy The World A Coke" --

I would create a prayer tax.

Have a toll every time someone confess in the booth. I would make it mandatory for church goers to confess at least once a week. 

the church is the wealthiest organization int he world. It won't hurt just to increase my wealth just a little. If I am happy, everyone else would be happy. I think that's where the positive vibes come in:D

What would I do if I was poop? I'd stand on Saint Peter's square in my funny hat and dress and admit all religion is man-made bollox , then I would shut the seething ceespool that is the Catholic Church down. If only.

I'd just continue to rule the church, take in all the money.

Then donate it under a false name to scientific research and secular organizations.

Work from the inside.

How about, "My dear Catholic flock, it is my intellectual duty to tell you that the entire religion is a fraud designed to accumulate wealth and power all in the name of Jesus, who may or may not have existed, and about whom almost every word written is an exaggeration if not a complete fabrication. Immediately after this speech, I'm going to my quarters, change into street clothes, and go out into the world to seek honest work."

In matters of faith, the pope is infallible, I would simply announce that there is no god.

I would declare everyday is Halloween......YeaY !

1) Announce that for penance there will no longer be "hail Marys" or "Our Fathers" but instead all will be instructed to make restitution or apologize or otherwise make right what they did wrong - stating that no other penance actually shows god the person's penitent nature. And this would include a full confession to the police if the wrong was an illegal act - this includes pleading guilty to what they did wrong (but not to anything else).

2) Buy closed down hotels / motels / apartment buildings in every city where there are homeless and offer the homeless a free living place including free from preaching. If there are no closed down facilities that are suitable and/or there are too many unused churches in the city, transform some of the churches into living facilities (not just shelters).

3) Point out the flaws in previous teachings about sex - especially those from the Old Testament - and okay condoms, priests having sex (with adults), and all GLBT persons / relationships.

4) Support the sanctity of human life after brain development - not as of conception. IIRC about 18 weeks.

5) Endorse women becoming priests. (Next year endorse GLBT persons becoming priests.)

6) General dismissal of the Old Testament - worded as a respectful acknowledgement of it being the Jewish holy book and that Catholics / Christians are wrong for trying to use it. Only the New Testament is to be considered a Catholic / Christian holy book. Other holy books should be respected in general but not preached from. Just as a Catholic / Christian would not preach from the Qu'ran nor should they preach from the Torah or Talmud.

7) Acknowledge that the church has jurisdiction and authority in matters regarding god and the spirit and in how one should act in this world. But good science has proven itself as the authority and should be acknowledged as having jurisdiction in worldly matters not pertaining to the spirit. So study your biology, chemistry, physics, evolution, climate change, comsology, geology, tectonic theory, etc.

8) I open up any hidden archives to look them over for myself before opening them up to the public - the less controversial stuff this year, the more controversial or stupid crap next year.


0) The first and only hidden thing: beef up security and all bullet "proof" glass.    :)

As Supreme Holy Pontiff Bigwig and God's Best Galpal, I would instate a draft on Catholics to raise an army. Then I would wage war on Italy, seizing Rome and Southern Italy. Because Vatican City is too small for Catholicdom. The Jews 'have' Israel, the Muslims have the Middle East...Catholics need their own country too.  Pope Kairan would be a benevolent tyrant, allowing any non-Catholic Southern Italians (lol) to pay a fee of 20% of their income/assets or to join their fellow non-Catholics behind the walls of the Heathen Strip. 

What about offering sanctuary to Julian Assange and all Pirate Bay servers? :D


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