Wrong assumptions and unfair expectations
Wrong assumptions and unfair expectations
We all make assumptions about other people in life, and people also make assumptions about us in return. All of us have also placed unfair expectations—both positive and negative—on other people as well, and vice versa. That is just part of being human, and something we should be aware of, and yes, perhaps work on, too.
What I want to ask here though is if you have had any experiences that really stick out in your mind—something that really made a lasting impression on you—where someone made wrong assumptions about you, or placed unfair expectations on you?
For example, perhaps you:
Are an American who was living and working in a foreign country
Or, you were a white kid who ended up going to a predominately black high school
Or, you befriended, dated, or married someone who was not your socio-economic equal
You get the point. So, Question 1:
At some point in your life, where you ever in a situation where either an individual or a group of people made some really inaccurate and unfair assumptions about you as a person, or had some expectation of you that you felt was unwarranted? If so, can you briefly describe the situation, and tell us how you handled it, and the eventual outcome?
Question 2:
Same question, only in reverse. Have you ever made a really wrong assumption about someone or placed unfair expectations on them, only to get your comeuppance later on? If so, did that experience alter what and/or how you think of other people?
Alternately, you can answer Question 2 if you have observed a situation in which something like this happened, but in which you were not directly involved.
Tags: assumptions, expectations, relationships
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Jānis Ķimsis on -
What the fuck?
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Permalink Reply by Reggie on -
My younger daughter, who was normally extremely well behaved, was frustrated by the flight (actually flights) and was kicking, crying, and very uncooperative. The man looked at me and rather sneeringly said, "You can tell she is a descendant of Eve."
Did you tell him that the 50's called and wanted their asshole back?
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Permalink Reply by Dallas the Phallus on -
I don't think that I've ever been guilty of thinking that women weren't tough. I was a bit of a mamma's boy anyhow when I was a kid, so I was never arrogant about my gender.
That guy on the plane would have pissed me off, too.
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Permalink Reply by Dallas the Phallus on
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Yes, the perception we have of ourselves, and our world view in general, greatly colors what we perceive to be other people's motivations and intentions. I am not bi-polar, but I do have big mood swings, and my interpersonal relationships alter with them.
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Permalink Reply by Whitney B. on -
As for question 2, I remember one event in my childhood that really stood out to me.
I was spending a few weeks of summer in a science and math magnet school summer camp for girls, makeing camp friendships, doing activities and all that, but there was this one girl, she was a bit off, even in a camp filled with self described weirdos. I remember her face had a sort of, puggish quality, and she had a way of trailing behind all the others in every activity, wailing her catch phrase "I don't get it!" and she had a look about her that made you sure that the lights may be flashing, but no train would arrive at the station. I, being an obnoxious ten year old found her to be completely annoying and more or less wrote her off without much thought. At the end of the week, we had a talent show, and she stepped up as one of the acts. Several of us looked at each other, thinking some variance of "well this is going to be painful" but then the music started playing, and she began to sing. She had a beautiful voice, and I remember being dumbfounded, a little Susan Boyle. While this may not have decreased her annoying habits, which may or may not have resulted in a mental issue, it did make me realize not so great things about myself from what I had thought and assumed about her. I admired her then, not exactly for her voice, but for sticking through the whole camp even when she struggled with what was so easy for others, for trying to better herself and learn, far more then many people even attempt. It definitely made me realize what I did not want to be. Joy of intrinsic value.
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Permalink Reply by Dallas the Phallus on
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Great story Whitney. Thanks.
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Permalink Reply by CannedAm on -
Here's one and I always found this shocking as it's contrary to how I was raised. I'm white, American, middle class. I grew up in a fairly non diverse area, but my parents exposed me to more diversity and instilled in me the belief that all people are equal. My first husband is black. In various places at various times I have had bigoted white people whisper to me, assuming that I shared their views simply because I was white, various racist remarks. Once I was thinking of moving into an apartment complex in the city where I lived and a coworker whispered conspiratorially to me that I might want to reconsider that move as there are a lot of "blacks" there. At that point I leveled my eyes at him and said, "so?"
It's only ever happened in the states. I'm so happy to live in Canada now where people at least have the decency to hide their bigotry if they have it. (I'm willing to go out on a limb and say that my experience so far has been that the American brand of racism doesn't exist here at all. Racism exists, but not like it does there. It's outside of the norm here. We'll stay here.)
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Permalink Reply by Dallas the Phallus on
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Thanks Rachel. It is unfortunate, but this really just is tribalism at work. People think: You look like me, dress like me, talk like me, so you must think like me as well.
Nah, not so much.
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