This question really applies to all religions, but sinse I live in the bible belt of the states I'll stick with what I'm most familiar with. It is extremely difficult for me to meet an atheist guy where I'm from. There are a few guys who are interested in me, but the fact that they are all Christian turns me off tremendously (I don't think any of them know I am an atheist, otherwise I doubt any of them would be interested any longer).
To me there is nothing sexier than an intelligent man and if you don't "believe" in evolution, I'm sorry, you are not too bright in my book... Or if you believe that the bible is the literal word of God, how can I ever expect to have an intelligent conversation with you?
There are plenty of good guys where I'm from, but the moment they tell me that the reason behind their happiness and positive outlook on life is the spirit of Jesus living in their heart, it's all I can do but puke all over their shoes...
If the guy I was dating every told me that he wants us to wait until marriage to have sex or that he is against the usage of any kind of birth control, the next words out of my mouth would be "I'm sorry, but this really isn't going to work out..." I respect everyone's decision when it comes to their sexual preferences, but when it is so out of sync with my own, it is a deal-breaker. I realize that some Christians do have premarital sex, but guilt almost always follows and I'm sure that that guilt impacts their performance in one way or another.
I know there are plenty of atheist/Christian couples out there who have made their relationships work, but I just cannot imagine how they do it. Coming from such a religious family and being surrounded by such an abundance of ignorant, sexist, racist, and homophobic comments and behavior every single day, I cannot imagine ever being happy with someone who mirrors those attitudes and behavior. I could never be happy unless he was someone on whom I could vent on about my frustrations with religion and my family without having to worry about offending him. Instead, he'd have to be empathetic and encouraging. There's no way I'd ever get that from any Christian...
What are your thoughts on this subject?
I grew up in the bible belt as well. I had to move away for the sake of my love life as well as my sanity, and you may find that you have to do the same. Though, there are so many more atheist men than women that I am sure you will find someone sooner or later.
When I was younger I might have been willing to entertain the possibility of dating a believer, but life experience has taught me the folly of that. In fact, I avoid them altogether now as much as possible. I cannot trust them at all. They see us as freaks and gossip about us mercilessly and maliciously. If you spend time with them, you have to be on your guard constantly and you have to put up with constant slights. I know that some of them are better than the others, but you will never be accepted by even the best of them.
There was this one girl that I still think about even after many years, but I don't think it would have worked out. My guess is that I still think about her because I never even tried to date her even though she made a huge impression on me. If I had tried, I probably would have had a bad experience and she would be a bad memory now. Oh, well.
Bottom line: Keep looking, especially online, and consider moving to civilization.
I have a friend who has a PhD in Music Studies from Stanford University. He told me that sometimes, he wishes that he never would have studied music.
Before he went to college, he absolutely loved music. He said that when he heard a moving piece, it was like being wrapped in a warm blanket or being wrapped in his lover's arms. But now whenever he hears a piece of music, he automatically analyses the piece. He thinks about the style, the meter, the scale used, the instrumentation, the voicing, the chord structure, the movement dynamics, and many more attributes that I've never heard of.
In the past I had no problem dating a theist - at least, not an extreme believer. But now when I hear a woman say that "she loves Jesus" or "she has God in her heart", or "she is blessed by reading the Bible", I step back, look at her and think, "What an idiot. What a silly, ignorant fool. How can you be so naive and gullible?".
I won't date a christian, but I'd have sex with one and go 50/50 on the abortion ;)
No, I could not date a religious person. It just wouldn't work out, I'd probably mime barfing one too many times and I cannot be in that close of a relationship with someone whose beliefs I don't respect. Also I would never want my offspring raised in a home environment where any kind of woo is accepted and taught as the truth.
Fortunately I don't have to worry about dating anymore. I've got myself a wonderful guy who is skeptical, a freethinker and an atheist too. :)
I myself dated a few religious girls. It was pure misery. Life is short, don't waste it with someone that is going to bog you down later down the road. If your core beliefs don't meld together it's never going to happen. Could you imagine having a religious wedding to appease the guys family? Yeah me either.
You need to do what ever you must do to find an atheist guy. You will never be compatible with a person that is religious. The biggest problem you will also face is the guys religious family. Being asked that very uncomfortable question, "So Lindsey, are you religious?" Will you have to BS your way with the family so you have this unrealistic image for the guys family? Why lie? Why put yourself through that?
No matter how funny/cute/etc that person is, it's just not worth the misery.
As a 20-yr old geek, I lost my virginity to an older Xtian woman. It became clear after a while that she was looking for an opportunity to erase the sin of her previous divorce by converting a heathen. Once it became clear that I wasn't about to become Xtian for her, that was the end of things.
Trying to have any kind of conversation with her was painful- when someone denies reality & factual information and takes their fantasy book as "gospel" truth, there is no ground for any meaningful discourse. She couldn't give up trying to convert me, and no amount of "But I don't want you to go to Hell!" could convince me that hell was a real place I might go. Oh yeah, and Xtianity is all historical FACT! All those other religions are just silly myths.
I suppose it's possible to have a relationship with a nominal Xtian; someone who calls themselves that because they've never given it much thought, but if they're serious about it? RUN!
Its so hard to avoid in my opinion. Interesting atheist women do no grow from trees and i know of no stores in which they stock them so it's really unavoidable i think. So if anyone knows a moderately attractive atheist girl that also plays guitar point her out to me please.
I agree with Jewelz, it depends upon the personality types involved. However, as a fellow bible-belt atheist, I've also dated one or two vehement Christians. The lack of free-thought in believers is definitely a turn off, but I think that the underlying problem is that the god-fearing and the godless simply live very different lifestyles (atheists obviously have more fun). So my answer is no, I wouldn't date another serious Christian.
There is no way possible that I could date a religious person. I know that this will sound bad to some, but I don't respect people who believe in religions. I assume they must be illogical and gullible.
I couldn't date a person that I can't respect.
I know that emotions and feelings of loneliness can rule your head, but in the long term, knowing that someone is either brainwashed into idiocy or is an idiot, will make you feel nothing but contempt for that person in the long term. Both will be miserable.
You will live in the hope that he/she will grow a brain and that he/she will fundamentally change. People don't. They can swap one addiction for another, but it's a rare thing for someone to wake up and realise they have been living a lie for most of their lives - and they are usually people that have that little niggling feeling that something is not right for a long time.
And as for any religion that imposes ridiculous rules (all designed as a control system, usually 80% geared towards women - as its usually men that design and therefore lead religious philosophy), when something is based on a lie, then any rule resulting from that lie exacerbates any biases. And these biases have long been entrenched in our culture - which is where they will stay unless religion is eradicated.
You cannot date a Christian. Better they don't breed.
Yes.. only for the sole purpose of converting her...
j/k.. somehow most women i've been with have been christian or religious. Maybe they're trying to convert me :D
these days tho i've been making a conscious effort to keep away from it as i'd like to have intelligent conversations with my girl.
Hi Lindsey, I live in a conservative area of VA, and previously lived in Texas--also conservative. There are atheist guys out there. I met my husband through a dating service (not online) that matched people based on personality and social characteristics. I specified that I did NOT want to meet someone who was religious and I was not disappointed! Keep the faith (ha, ha). I remember dating guys in high school who were appalled that I was not religious. One told me I would have to learn and recite the Lord's Prayer if we were going to go out again. Needless to say there was no second date! I don't think I could have paired up with anyone who was religious.