This question really applies to all religions, but sinse I live in the bible belt of the states I'll stick with what I'm most familiar with. It is extremely difficult for me to meet an atheist guy where I'm from. There are a few guys who are interested in me, but the fact that they are all Christian turns me off tremendously (I don't think any of them know I am an atheist, otherwise I doubt any of them would be interested any longer).
To me there is nothing sexier than an intelligent man and if you don't "believe" in evolution, I'm sorry, you are not too bright in my book... Or if you believe that the bible is the literal word of God, how can I ever expect to have an intelligent conversation with you?
There are plenty of good guys where I'm from, but the moment they tell me that the reason behind their happiness and positive outlook on life is the spirit of Jesus living in their heart, it's all I can do but puke all over their shoes...
If the guy I was dating every told me that he wants us to wait until marriage to have sex or that he is against the usage of any kind of birth control, the next words out of my mouth would be "I'm sorry, but this really isn't going to work out..." I respect everyone's decision when it comes to their sexual preferences, but when it is so out of sync with my own, it is a deal-breaker. I realize that some Christians do have premarital sex, but guilt almost always follows and I'm sure that that guilt impacts their performance in one way or another.
I know there are plenty of atheist/Christian couples out there who have made their relationships work, but I just cannot imagine how they do it. Coming from such a religious family and being surrounded by such an abundance of ignorant, sexist, racist, and homophobic comments and behavior every single day, I cannot imagine ever being happy with someone who mirrors those attitudes and behavior. I could never be happy unless he was someone on whom I could vent on about my frustrations with religion and my family without having to worry about offending him. Instead, he'd have to be empathetic and encouraging. There's no way I'd ever get that from any Christian...
What are your thoughts on this subject?
Hi Lindsey, I live in a conservative area of VA, and previously lived in Texas--also conservative. There are atheist guys out there. I met my husband through a dating service (not online) that matched people based on personality and social characteristics. I specified that I did NOT want to meet someone who was religious and I was not disappointed! Keep the faith (ha, ha). I remember dating guys in high school who were appalled that I was not religious. One told me I would have to learn and recite the Lord's Prayer if we were going to go out again. Needless to say there was no second date! I don't think I could have paired up with anyone who was religious.
Going with no. Religious belief (or lack thereof) is a fundamental part of what makes a person tick. It's a good idea to have those beliefs (or non-beliefs) mesh. My husband is an atheist, which is actually not something we ever talked about prior to getting married. I knew he wasn't religious and he knew I wasn't religious (we were young and really more into sex, drugs, and rock and roll than worrying about silly things like our belief systems), but it was really more dumb luck that we ended up atheists together. I've thought about it a lot since then, though: I could not have married a Christian. We'd be divorced, and he'd be headed to hell.
Well, I'm married now so it isn't really an issue. But there was plenty of past experience.
For me, it always got in the way. It was usually fine until you got really serious. Then the conversation about how to raise kids would come up. Just you wanting to have some say was a deal breaker in both cases.
There were also subtle comments that were annoying. I'm very anti-theistic now, and I'm sure I'd annoy them at this point. But at the time I wasn't. I considered religion just a waste of time and I intentionally avoided the subject at all costs. Hearing the low level jabs that came up was rather annoying.
I finally decided it was a bad idea and looked toward other non-believers.
My wife of 25 years is a liberal protestant Christian. I am a strong-positive atheist/metaphysical naturalist. She and I do not discuss matters of religion save for those times we are watching a public television shows about Buddhism or some other non-Christian religion. Her church buddies sometimes visit but do not bug me about beliefs or arguments. That's ok with me. I love her for who she is and not for which social club she belongs.
I absolutely could not do it, either. I'm lucky to have found an awesome atheist guy so it's all hypothetical at this point. I think there are a lot more atheist guys out there than girls, so the odds are in your favor. There should be some kind of hand-signal only atheists know so when you're out you can let someone know you're atheist. If they're not, they won't know what you're doing, and you can move on. Ha!
But I feel the same way you do. I cannot even respect someone who holds those asinine views... and I once held them, so you might think I could be more sympathetic. I can't. I am really losing respect and interest in a friend of ours because it's seems he's had some sort of "spiritual awakening" and has started saying things like, "Oh, I'm so blessed!" or "I think God is trying to tell me something." Bleh. Gross. And to date someone like that? Gag me. Respect is KEY.
I am completely perplexed by atheists who date theists.
I'm currently married, but when I was single I'd dated girls who considered themselves either Jews or Christian. .. None of them were actively practicing, which was fine by me. My wife was raised Lutheran with some Native beliefs. As she got older she included more Wicca. So for me it's been.. understand and respect my view on religion and I'll respect yours.
On a FWB or FB basis, why not?
Married for thirty+ years, this is somewhat of an academic question, but- no, I would not date an avowed Christian.
Although, back in the mid-seventies, I did date the leader of my university's Inter-varsity Christian Fellowship (at the time, I was in the initial stage of what became my atheism). It lasted until half-way through "Monty Pythons' Life of Brian". She stood up, declared she was offended, turned to leave, and asked me if I was going to go with her.
After possibly the shortest mental deliberation I ever undertook, Cleese & Co won out.
**applauds** Well done..LOL
Strangely enough. This hasn't been an issue that I've had to really face. Perhaps it's because I live in California, or maybe it's because I openly discuss such matters, or maybe it's just because I don't fit the typical gender stereotype. Whatever it is, from the point that I started questioning theism, I haven't pursued or been pursued by theists.
Hypothetically speaking, I don't think I'd have the will or want to, "make it work." I think, for me, this has more to do with what I can only assume is a lack of skepticism, and less to do with the belief that manifests as a result. I would probably also find it difficult to date an atheist were he not a skeptic in general (or at least learning about and interested in skepticism).
I am married to a Christian- Methodist, but not adherent to their beliefs as "officially" posted. We, obviously, disagree about some major points regarding Christianity- to start, I believe the fundamental premise of Christianity - human sacrifice - is is ridiculous and immoral.
As far as dating, if it's just for fun, enjoy it. But if you're considering marriage, I think a marriage will do well with compatibility in the following areas (some off the top of my head, not an inclusive list):
Education, Religion/non-religion, Philosophy/World View, Sex, Hobbies/Interests, and Finances (dietary preferences may be helpful as well- vegetarian v meat eater may be an issue over time).
Personally, I think the differences in our marriage regarding religion are significant and problematic. My wife constantly rebuts any of my religious criticism with things like- "but look at all the good it does" and "it gives people hope." I have pretty much given up on discussing religion and it weighs on me because I think theism v non-theism can be very significant in a marriage and I would prefer to be able to discuss these things with someone as significant as a spouse.
The saving graces in our marriage stem from several of the other things I listed above where we have some agreement.
In summary- dating, have fun. Marriage, find a non-theist or at least someone who doesn't care too much about religion.