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Permalink Reply by Nathan Kapusta on November 13, 2012 at 11:25am

My girlfriend and I have just gone through some job swapping and moving, so there were short periods of time when our roles were reversed. To us, it has nothing to do with being the man or woman, it has to do with who has the free time. When I was stuck home for a month before I started a new job in a new town(wanting to kill myself because I was so bored every day), I did 100% of the housework and cooking. However, now that I work 2 jobs she does probably 60-75% of the housework since she just has 1 job(I work 60hrs, she works less than 40). She makes slightly more money than me, but to us that's irrelevant. In my opinion, this is the fairest way to handle the roles in a household.

Oh yeah, and my extra job is at the same place she works full time. She is on salary, but probably makes about $6-8 per hour more... and my work is harder.

Paradigm shifts take time and we're moving in the right direction already... If anything, I think we should be having these discussions in places with less open-minded people.(I try to talk about this kind of stuff in my ultrared town, often with success if approached in the right way)

Anyway... just thinking out loud.

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Permalink Reply by Heather Spoonheim on November 13, 2012 at 1:40pm

I think the situation is slowly improving on the domestic front.  I see a lot more men pitching in around the house and with child care than I remember 30 years ago.  I have also begun to see an increased occurrence of men taking the larger share of responsibility for their children during a relationship split.  This doesn't make up for all the deadbeat dad's out there - but then men who are responsible shouldn't be expected to make up for those who aren't.

I know what you mean, though; we are far from true social equality.  Change may be coming slowly, but I think that slow change may make for better results, rather than the social pendulum we see in other areas like how people with disabilities are treated.

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Permalink Reply by Kris Feenstra on November 13, 2012 at 3:27pm

Time will prove to be a major factor. I was a child of the late 80s and 90s. While some of the standard gender biases were built into my schooling and upbringing, I note that the atmosphere I grew up in seemed to be more egalitarian. It wasn't assumed that women would marry, take their husband's last name, and raise the children. It was promoted that women could work any job which a man could work (exempting, perhaps, jobs such as male stripper).

Whether or not all of what I was taught was correct or incorrect, or sufficient or insufficient, I do notice that mindsets from my school peers differ markedly from those of our parents. I've met a number of successful female professionals my mother's age or older. As a generalization, their attitudes bear signs of having to fight their way to positions of respect or authority. Indeed, I have encountered men from the same age group who would categorize such women as either to weak to lead, or as cold-hearted bitches. If I imagine working against that kind of prejudice, I struggle. I find this to be less common in my own age group even amongst the women with whom I have discussed the issue. The idea of a female manager, CEO, or even Prime Minister not only seems acceptable, but natural. The idea that a woman can be the primary bread-winner in a heterosexual couple seems unremarkable.

Even so, the wealthiest Canadians tend to be white, male, and above the age of sixty. Times were likely different when they laid the foundations of their careers. If you asked me to cast a movie part for 'wealthy CEO', but first instinct would be to look for a white guy with greying hair. If you asked for a young CEO, I'd aim for a white man in his forties. I said that the idea of a woman in a leadership position seems natural to me -- and it does --; however, statistically the examples of women fulfilling certain roles represents exceptions and not the norm in present day society. My suspicion is that the old guard needs to die off in due time and subsequent generations will gradually diversify.

My point here is not that people above a certain age are all bigots and below a certain age are all for equality -- far from it. My point is simply that it takes generations for perspective shifts to actually materialize. It takes generations for concepts of equality which were fought over in our life times to become ingrained into the fabric of society as if it was always there.

For example, the idea that women's suffrage should be a political issue seems absolutely nonsensical to me. I know it was a historical problem back to the mid twentieth century, but I cannot fathom why women would not be allowed to vote. If someone asked me to discuss the issue in present day society, my knee-jerk response would be to ask why we would bother? A more recent development, however, such as women serving in military combat roles, is something I take largely for granted, but I would probably be more inclined to discuss because the concept just isn't as deeply ingrained into our culture.

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Permalink Reply by Unseen on November 13, 2012 at 3:37pm

My point here is not that people above a certain age are all bigots and below a certain age are all for equality -- far from it. My point is simply that it takes generations for perspective shifts to actually materialize. It takes generations for concepts of equality which were fought over in our life times to become ingrained into the fabric of society as if it was always there.

That links up with my point about social inertia. A couple people can change quickly, a couple hundred million can take a long, long time. The difference between changing the direction of a cabin cruiser vs. an aircraft carrier.

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Permalink Reply by Kris Feenstra on November 13, 2012 at 6:13pm

This aspect of social dynamics is a bit of a downer from my perspective. I am okay with fighting for the world in which I want to live, but often it feels like I am fighting for the world in which I want my grandchildren to live. Seems presumptuous. 

Then again, the reality of it isn't really that cut and dry.

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Permalink Reply by Unseen on November 13, 2012 at 6:14pm

Actually, a kayak vs an aircraft carrier might better represent the scale.

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Permalink Reply by Unseen on November 13, 2012 at 3:32pm

What makes you so sure that, at least in the marriages that work, couples don't work out a solution that THEY feel is equal? That doesn't mean doing everything 50/50, it means working out trade-offs that work best for them and their children!

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Permalink Reply by archaeopteryx on November 13, 2012 at 3:53pm

Here's a woman with her won brand of equalizer:

Police: Wife attacks husband for not voting

Angered by Obama's win, Holly Solomon runs over her spouse with their car, police say.

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Permalink Reply by Unseen on November 13, 2012 at 6:00pm

Those zany Republicans!

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