What would you say to "God"?

Okay, so earlier today, I had a little discussion with a theist who just didn't seem to know the meaning of the sentence "give up, you're out of arguments!"

I used the "silver bullet" technique. (Asking him what his strongest argument was and then completely breaking it down, so all his other arguments are automatically bullpeep)

But this guy just didn't show any sign of stopping.

And after many hours of argueing and yes/no fights, it all came down to one question. He said: "Okay, suppose I'm right. Suppose you die and come before god. What are you going to say to him when he tells you that you have been a bad person for not believing in him?"

My reply was: "If god would say that I have been a bad person, I'd say he's out of his mind! I am in no way a bad person, just as you are in no way an atheist."

But now that I think about it...I actually have no idea at all what I really would say...

Just SUPPOSE that he's right (of course, he is not), and you DO appear in front of god. What the hell would you say?

Just wondering...

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Permalink Reply by Jesse Maes on January 3, 2011 at 1:20pm

I would be astounded, and a little embarrassed to have gotten the universe so wrong with all my logic and critical thinking. I would be fascinated to see that the omniscient creator of the entire universe was giving me his personal time.  I think that conversation would go something like this:

 

Me: Oh. My. God! I'm in heaven, this is amazing!

G-Man: SILENCE!

Me: *silence*

God: You have been an evil and wicked atheist. Explain yourself motherfucker!

Me: Evil? What do you mean evil? I was kind, generous and caring all my life! I never hurt anyone!

God: I don't fucking give a fuck how nice you were, fool! The only thing I care about is whether or not you believed in me!

Me: . . . Are. . . you serious?

God: I am THE LORD, bitch, You think I'm not serious?!

Me: Well, it's just. . . I don't understand what that has to do with being good.

God: Do you read the bible, Bret?

Me: My name's not Bret, it's. . .

God: DID I STUTTER?

Me: No, It's just. . .

God: *shoots me in the shoulder*

Me: OW! Son of a bitch! You motherf. . .

God: THE QUESTION, BRET, WAS 'DO YOU READ THE BIBLE?'!

Me: No! No! I used to, but. . .

God: Well there's this passage I've got memorized. Ezekiel 25:13. "The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish, and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he, who in the name of good will, and charity, shepperds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper, and the finder of lost children.  And I will strike down upon thee with GREAT VENGANCE AND FURIOUS ANGER, those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is THE LORD! When I lay my vengance upon thee!"

Me: Wasn't that from Pulp. . .

God: *shoots me 6 times* *sends my ass to hell*

Me: Wut?

 

The way I see it, any God who is enough of a thug to base your entire existence on whether or not you worship him, is too much of a stone cold motherfucker to even listen if I tried to explain myself to him.

Permalink Reply by Jesse Maes on January 3, 2011 at 1:28pm

"OP is a fag."

I think god punishes /b/tards worse than atheists...

Permalink Reply by Carlos Lopez on January 3, 2011 at 1:35pm
Delusion mental training? I prefer watch the movie Sin City if I'm going to waste my time, no offense!
Permalink Reply by Doug Reardon on January 3, 2011 at 3:21pm
I wouldn't say anything, since he knows everything.
Permalink Reply by Laura Foster on January 3, 2011 at 3:52pm
"You've got a LOT of explaining to do."
Permalink Reply by Julien on January 3, 2011 at 3:54pm

If a god would exist, and would tell me that I was/am bad I would tell him (ignoring the fact that I really wasn't bad and choosing not to defend my self in front of such a 'thing'): "You're not?"

 

Correction... I would just think that, because he reads minds/knows everything.

Permalink Reply by Laura Foster on January 3, 2011 at 11:41pm
Well said.
Permalink Reply by Cecilia on January 3, 2011 at 4:37pm

The only possible thing anyone could say, of course:

 

"Nipples for men??!!!"

 

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0081633/  (Time Bandits)

Permalink Reply by Tammy on January 3, 2011 at 4:42pm
Oh yes, nipples for men. lol!
Permalink Reply by landofhopeanglory on January 6, 2011 at 3:45pm
men have nips for the same reason women do ,they are a sex toy ,OH THEIR GODS i thought everyone knew that ,well everyone over the age of 18 in this country ,an over the age of 50 in the states : )
Permalink Reply by Cecilia on January 6, 2011 at 3:58pm

Here is the full line:

 

"God isn't interested in technology. He cares nothing for the microchips or the silicon revolution. Look how he spends his time, forty-three species of parrots! Nipples for men!"

                                            - by the character "Evil" in the 1981 movie Time Bandits 

 

 

 

 

Permalink Reply by Jim DePaulo on January 4, 2011 at 5:32pm

 

First of all I would want to see his belly button. And, if we are made in God's "perfect image" then why in hell does he require circumcision, further, has he been circumcised – does he even have a dick?
Finally, the prospect of existing for eternity with the worst psychopath imaginable doesn't exactly meet my idea of a good time – I'd ask for a transfer to hell, the devil seems to be the better option.

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