@Tiffany - RE: "I'm sure your opinion is much more solidly based on actual facts."
If you knew Unseen, you'd know that that was a REAL stretch!
But seriously, reading the list of activities in which your children participate, it sounds as though you're really doing something right.
I think Kalil Gibran said it best:
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
I thing that before long, you're going to see a couple of really well-adjusted adults.
I dont think fear = respect. I come from a culture of parents beating the crap out of you. It gets to the point that you just don't care anymore of getting beaten up and you do what you want. The fear just vanishes, and after a while you get mentally prepared and it doesn't even hurt, next day you talk it with your friends and you all make fun of parents for thinking that will stop you.
I strongly suspect that the beatings (I note you use the word "beatings" not swatting, spanking, or cuffing the ears) were just part of a constellation of reasons not to respect them. Am I wrong? Or were they otherwise stellar parents setting a good example for their children except for the beatings?
I thought as much.
What I mean by "beatings" is being hit with a belt (when you get older they wet the belt), a flying shoe (that's when you try to scape, no matter how fast you run it always reaches you, even if you do zig zags), bucket (better if its full of water, so then you have to clean the mess), fist (to the back of the head specially if you are in front of something that you can hit your forehead with) or a slap in the face. Boys usually get hit with skillets, or mothers break bottles or plates on their heads. Hoses, hangers, even big fruits are also useful when dealing with males. Fathers don't hit their daughters, the mother should always do it.
For us this is NOT child abuse, is not like the USA that kids call the cops on their parents for no reason. This is believed to be the proper way to raise your children, all parents practice this as is socially accepted. Kids like to talk about it and compete of who had the worst punishment. Physical punishment is always combined with some type of grounding (staying inside of your room for 2 weeks with no tv, phone, and music devices is a popular one). Parents will usually not talk to you for the whole time you are grounded unless is necessary. Usually they can't take it and "forgive" you after 4 days.
Parents who are not this strict are considered terrible, and usually a member of the family will suggest the use of this method or even do it themselves. So is normal that whenever you piss off a relative they also hit you.
Parents are also allowed to hit kids in public.
I don't know its something weird, because we lose fear and do what we want, but never consider our parents bad, or abusive, it is what it is. I have around 50 close relatives and all of us were rised this way and nobody turned out a psychopath and has ever been to jail. All of the opossite we all go to university and have decent jobs, the same with my friends none of them turned out to be Ted Bundy.
However, we turned out good because of the good values and integrity of our parents. Their good character. Their commitment to us and support. Not because they practiced what in some places is extreme punishment. That's why I tell you, that punishing people with physical violence doesn't help, they won't care because it won't hurt, so you are just wasting your time and they will laugh behind your back. Better teach them to be good by good example.
@Gabriella - you must have a very strong character, to have come from such an abusive atmosphere and still turned out so seemingly well-adjusted.
My mother was tough but not as much as the chinese Tiger Mom. Anyway my mother is my best friend and the only thing I would change was that she used corporal punishment and I wasn't that much of a bad kid.
Just seeing her receive around $500,000.00 in donations for their incredible rudeness, will probably be punishment enough
You've got to be kidding. You ARE kidding, right? You actually see that as punishment and not being let off the hook?
It was "tongue in cheek!"
I saw the video also. Watching it seemed to suggest to me that the dear woman has grounds for assault or harassment.
During a period in my life, I fell into a crapy housing situation. Over the first two years the neighborhood was 'owned' by local punks that had 24 hour parties, 2 week long July 4ths, etc. The local police where trying to crack down on these people, but were having trouble with the neighbors not making police reports. I started to make the needed police reports, and then told my neighbors what I had done and why. I opened my mouth to punks trashing flowers, firing pellet guns into the commons around children, and leaving drug and alcohol remains. Each of these got another police report. One day the police showed up, without my calling! WOW, it had started.
My front porch was vandelized, my tires cut on my truck, and another police report adnusium. One day a young kid tried to corner me with his girl friend and insulted me to my face, then reached out to touch me! "Kid do you know what you just did? You have now given me the power to trash your life via an assult charge! Thankyou!' Another police report!
Finally one day I showed up at home and found the neighborhood full of cops. The police had busted these people after finding a field full of pot behind our building among the tomatoes and sunflowers. It got very quiet after this.
I continue to check back with friends that still live there. It is still peaceful after 17 years.
Oh, at least one of the boys is definitely guilty of assault. He talks about coming back the next day with his knife and slicing her. People wrongly think that "assault" means hitting or stabbing or otherwise causing physical harm to someone. No, that is battery. Plausible threats constitute a form of assault.
The first thing I would do in their case is to drop the veil of anonymity usually applying to underage offenders. I think everyone, especially in the school and local community, should know who the kids are that they should avoid by a naming of names.
In this case these people were most likely younger than 18. While the vengful side of me would like a good old tar and feathering and a week in the stocks for their crap, the kind human being inside, just wants to teach them a leason. I figure that the courts and the community will find some 'appropriate' correction. I am adverse to jail time or JUVI, for fear that we will just create better criminals. In my experience many bullies can out grow their crap, but true psychos never, but optimism springs eternal. We do not know the family background of these kids, additional marginalization could just add to their problems and ours.