Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by archaeopteryx on June 24, 2012 at 8:26am

Thank you Karen and Tiffany! I chose early on not to spank my children and now, they collectively have a drawerfull of Master's Degrees, are all successful in their fields, bypassed the drugs and alcohol phase entirely, and have happy, stable marriages - oh, and for what it's worth, I was their best friend. Say what you like about "Hippy nonviolence" - if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

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Permalink Reply by archaeopteryx on June 24, 2012 at 10:05am

@Tiffany - RE: "how they walked to school barefoot, in the snow, uphill, for 36 miles"

You're a younger parent than I am, so let me give you a little advice - next time you use that, make sure and say it was uphill both ways! It's good to watch, as they get older, when it finally dawns on them how impossible that is, and you get the, "Hey --" look. That's when you know your little kid is growing up.

Parenting HAS to be fun, otherwise, what's the use?

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Permalink Reply by Dave Gibbs on June 24, 2012 at 4:06am

Its not the lack of physical discipline which produces these out of control youngsters... its the lack of any discipline. That's my conclusion after observing moms and dads in the home, on the bus, about a hundred episodes of Super Nanny, etc.

I really enjoyed watching one mother and her out of control kid... her doing the whole, "if you do that again I'm going to swat your butt!" "I really mean it this time!" Of course your kid doesn't believe you after the 15th time of "really mean[ing] it." You're a liar and he knows it, lady.

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Permalink Reply by Tiffany bottoms on June 23, 2012 at 5:27pm

This is horrifying! I agree with a few others who state the kids should lose bus privileges for awhile. If these were my kids, and this was brought to my attention, they'd be doing slave labor for that poor women for a long time.

(in my humble opinion) Kids like this do not need to be hit. If they are, they will learn to treat others even worse, with violence and aggression. I have 2 kids, ages 15 and 12. We don't spank, and our kids behave very well in public and are kind and compassionate. Their friends who are spanked, are the least well behaved kids. Sorry to be preachy, but spanking/child abuse issues are close to my heart. I currently know of several kids who are being abused, and who now have compassion and violence disorders in response to it. I know of 2 spanking family who now engage in fist fights with their teenage child. And get this, they actually want me to feel sorry for them now that their kid has decided to hit back. They used to laugh at me and call me a hippie when our kids were younger because I was pretty vocal about non-violent parenting.

Compassion is learned by treating others compassionately, it these kids are beaten, they will be too focused on their own mis-treatment and not be able to empathize with the mistreatment of others because they become desensitized to suffering.

I believe in direct consequences. Making the kids walk, and insisting they do good deeds for the women they directly affected (along with a sincere appology) is in order.

I'll be showing this video to my kids, and having a long discussion. They will be as horrified as me when they see it.

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Permalink Reply by kOrsan on June 23, 2012 at 5:37pm

Please be fair, there is big difference between pointless physical abuse of a child and making a point to your child. Yes, most people don't get it right and they end up abusing their children both physically and psychologically because they're complete idiots who are overwhelmed with raising a child - but it is definitely not the same thing.

By the way, does anyone remember this fine gentleman?

 

He posted follow up videos too, his method worked and he did make a point.

Now let's find those parents' phone numbers and tell them to smash their kids' fancy iphones and game consoles.

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Permalink Reply by Unseen on June 23, 2012 at 6:41pm

Exactly. I'm tired of people equating corporal punishment with beating the shit out of them. Anyone who actually beats up their kid belongs in jail. But a swat on the bottom, cuffing their ears. These things can establish who's in control and who must be obeyed.

Remember how stupid most adults are (they believe in religion, don't they?). Kids are far less subject to mere reason. Anyone who's argued with a teen knows exactly what I mean. ("So what if I was driving too close. Nothing happened, did it?"). You can't really reason with most grown-ups or they'd be atheists, too. You need to get your kid's attention.

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Permalink Reply by archaeopteryx on June 24, 2012 at 8:37am

Edison was cuffed on the ear - he was deaf in that ear for life.

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Permalink Reply by Tiffany bottoms on June 23, 2012 at 6:56pm

I agree that most parents use force incorrectly. I don't believe in hitting, but you can use "holds" to control an out of control child if a child is the unruly sort I guess.
Kids these days receive too much without earning it. That is a problem and a discussion for another day. My kids don't have smart phone. They have prepaid phones. My oldest is currently saving a years worth of data plan money and will then be entitled to a smart phone. They have video games, which they have lost a few times when fibbing about homework so they could play them. We simply remmove them from the wall, and hide the console (for weeks at a time)
Hitting gives a parent the instant feeling they accomplished something. And they did,....for a moment. But the kids will act out again, and again anyways. Kids who are hit become better hiders and liars (but few will admit it)

It takes much more effort to parent without violence. It's not a lazy approach. If parents need to swat to feel like better and more active parents, ....so be it. As long as its never out of anger it's legal in the US. As long as they don't leave a mark, it doesn't matter if a parents rips a child off the top bunk by their pony tail.

We live In a violent world. People who commit violence, experienced violence. We tell kids "I hit you because you're bad, and because you deserved it, and because I LOVE YOU". Then we wonder why abused women say "he hit me because I deserved it, and it's because he loves me so much"

Sorry to be preachy, I did warm you this is a subject close to my heart.

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Permalink Reply by Unseen on June 23, 2012 at 7:04pm

The violent world of the past had better behaved kids. Perhaps men who hit women were ABUSED in a drastic way. To imply it's because they got a swat from their dad because they sassed a teacher doesn't even pass the giggle test.

The violent world of today is populated primarily by boys who grew up absent much parental authority.

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Permalink Reply by archaeopteryx on June 24, 2012 at 8:45am

RE: "The violent world of the past had better behaved kids."

If they were "better behaved," and I have no evidence that they were, it was out of fear, rather than any intrinsic understanding that there was an acceptable, and an unacceptable way of behaving, and being clear as to why unacceptable behavior was considered so,.

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Permalink Reply by archaeopteryx on June 24, 2012 at 8:38am

This man's an idiot, and has no business raising kids.

(This post was supposed to fall below the video - I didn't mean you Unseen, the jury's still out on that.)

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Permalink Reply by Unseen on June 23, 2012 at 6:35pm

How do you explain, then, that the downward plunge in children's behavior pretty much coincides with your hippy-dippy "hit the kid, produce a criminal" theory of discipline?

You can't build a theory on anecdotal evidence. Leave the anecdotes aside and consider the correlation between increasing teen misbehavior and violence with the throttling of corporal punishment.

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