Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Jim Minion on May 8, 2011 at 11:44pm

You can simply say that "she and he are in your thoughts".

You can give condolences and be honest.

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Permalink Reply by James on May 8, 2011 at 11:52pm

I'd them that I'm sorry for their loss, that they'll be in your thoughts and that I'll help any way I can / here if they need anyone to talk too. Offering the reassurance that she is no longer has to suffer may help too. They may take these statement/offers in a religious context. But you can't do anything about that, plus you actually offered non-religious thoughts so you can rest assured that you also weren't hypocritical.

 

Cheers!

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Permalink Reply by Ron V on May 9, 2011 at 1:42pm

I do the same thing

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Permalink Reply by Cynthia on May 15, 2011 at 12:21am

perfect!

 

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Permalink Reply by Kris Feenstra on May 8, 2011 at 11:59pm

Atheists face death and loss just like all other people. Sure, we may disagree with theists on what happens after death, but that doesn't mean that death itself isn't a shared human experience.  Most of us -- not as atheists, but rather as fellow human beings -- have thoughts and feelings on loss, and we have sorrow and sympathy for those who are grieving.

 

I think, if you focus on your feelings toward this person and his girlfriend, there's probably some religiously neutral sentiment you can voice.  In terms of things you can offer other than prayers: sympathies, condolences, thoughts, some kind words... take any compassionate feeling you have towards this person in his time of need and try to express it honestly.

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Permalink Reply by Sarcastic Maniac on May 9, 2011 at 12:03am

I usually say something simple along the lines of "I'm sorry for your loss."

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Permalink Reply by Tony Branze on May 9, 2011 at 11:29am

Well said, and exactly what I'd imagine myself saying.

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Permalink Reply by Heather Spoonheim on May 9, 2011 at 1:12am

Very tough indeed and I don't think there are any easy answers. I usually try to help people in practical ways because I'm not that good at offering emotional support. All I can suggest is a hug and encouragement for him to 'have faith' that he will find the strength to get through this.

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Permalink Reply by Robert Karp on May 9, 2011 at 8:46am

Hi Tianna and welcome to TA!  You will find these and other types of advice questions are welcome. 

 

I agree with what others have said. You can say "you and your family and in my thoughts and if there is anything I can do please do not hesitate to ask".  You can be very clear in your empathy while at the same time not feel like you are selling out. 

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Permalink Reply by Nate Bauder on May 9, 2011 at 4:54pm

Very well said.

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Permalink Reply by Stanley Brooks on May 9, 2011 at 6:38pm

Yes, very good response.

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Permalink Reply by Tony Branze on May 9, 2011 at 11:25am

I could never bring myself to say "I'm sorry" and certainly never said anything resembling "I understand." I'm sorry seemed so inadequate and I could not understand pain resulting from a loss so complete. Then, 2 years ago my only brother died from a preventable cause. For 6 months or so, I cried rivers when alone. EVERY time anyone said they were sorry a tear would roll down my cheek and for some reason, I felt just slightly better. So, today I don't hesitate to say "I'm sorry" for their loss, if I really am--And how can one not be sorry for a loss of such magnitude. And although I rarely say "I understand" to anyone, I do indeed understand complete and utter devastation of massive grief. If you feel sympathy toward another human being who has suffered a tragedy, my advice is to tell them so, you might help facilitate their healing just a little bit.

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