Take a look at this article about kids trashing a man's home.

A man goes on vacation and discovers that his house has been trashed by hundreds of teen partiers, vandalizing his home, drinking, and using drugs. He found out about it the way so much crime is discovered nowadays, through Twitter and other social media.

What he did was to use the same social media against them, by reposting their own photos and asking for them to be identified. The arrests are well under way.

What he finds most disturbing, though, is that the parents of many of the children seem more outraged by his identifying them publicly than by the home invasion, vandalism, and underage drug and alcohol abuse of their children.

He offered to let the offenders back in to help fix things up, but so far he has few takers.

Is this a case of what's the matter with kids today or what's the matter with parents today?

Your thoughts?

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"If you cannot take being hated by your child once in a while give your kids up for adoption."

Thats really good. I like that and I agree with everything you've said.

But their parents were also fucked up so to really fix it properly would require something like extreme home invasion and family intervention nazi style.


Hello Angela, oh gosh yes, we parents certainly to bring bags of our own baggage into the equation, I wish we did not, it would be nice it getting pregnant automatically wiped all that away wouldn't it !


There is a cultural difference between the english speaking world and here or say Germany. In Germany if your child is behaving badly in the street you need to brace yourself as you will invariably get someone coming up to you and telling you to control your child. If you live in a block of apartments and your kids are too noisy you can expect a rep of the residents to visit you and if you do not pay attention the community policeman will come and will fine you. Personally, while I may not appreciate being told to shut my child up in the middle of a street tantrum I much rather the community take an interest in the raising of my children. I believe that there needs to be an element of children needing to be raised by the tribe (society) to produce well rounded citizens, otherwise you end up with rampant individualist who are selfish to the point of narcissism and barely able to sympathise with others in society. I have certainly been told off a couple of times, once on a train once in a restaurant for noise my children have made, though once they realise i am deaf their annoyance is mitigated a bit :-) still it smarts and made me pay more attention.

Maybe an urban setting is different, however the US suburbs I have lived in are hardly conducive (?) for anything "tribal". I tried to make simple eye-contact. Eventually after a few years, I managed a reciprocal "hello" to the dude across the street. The hood was designed for the "backyard". No front porches. No place to walk to without crossing a major highway. An old lady died in her house a few streets over and her cats ate her before someone smelled something and called it in. I eventually moved back out to the woods and my neighbors are squirrels, birds, raccoons, and frogs.

The concept of "community" is no longer as based on proximity as it used to be. We associate electronically more than in person nowadays, the exception being workplace associations, which are based on proximity.

The law hasn't caught up and to take an example, if prosecutors want to prosecute me for obscenity based on visuals on an adult website I might be operating, they will cite "community standards" which are geography-based, even though nobody in my area might even be aware of my operation and my actual "community" is worldwide in nature and linked entirely through technology.

The law will eventually have to recognize that the concept of community has undergone a huge shift.

 I believe that there needs to be an element of children needing to be raised by the tribe (society) to produce well rounded citizens, otherwise you end up with rampant individualist who are selfish to the point of narcissism...

Judith, speaking as a sexagenarian in the US, when I was a child, a neighbor or stranger wouldn't think twice about correcting a child, even perhaps dragging him/her by the ear to his/her parents to complain about their behavior. The way things are now, only a fool would risk incurring the wrath of parents who seemingly defend their children even when they have done something criminal. Even being seen with a child not one's own can arouse suspicions of being a peddophile nowadays. Teachers are afraid to hug young children, which is sad. Children need physical contact in order to thrive psychologically. Physical contact with people other than their parents is essential to socialization. 

In loco parentis is de facto dead in the United States. Parents in absentia reserve the right to supervise how schools and teachers handle their children.

It's a very delicate situation. You can still get away with correcting a child, but you have to be very tactful.  

I agree that we're too paranoid about paedophiles and sexual harassment--we hardly ever allow for casual, platonic touching. It's not healthy.

The average parent lets their kids get away with murder. Kids need boundaries. Loving your child can't always be expressed through a best-buds, chummy relationship--it can also be expressed by teaching the self-control, respect, manners, and other concepts that will make the child successful. Why don't more parents get that?

I agree that we're too paranoid about paedophiles and sexual harassment--we hardly ever allow for casual, platonic touching. It's not healthy.

I assume you mean not healthy for the kids.

There is an old Persian saying which goes something like: "No one likes an undisciplined dog or an undisciplined child but the dog or the child doesn't know why it is not liked. Therefore, it is the duty of the dog's owner or the child's parent to train them in a manner which will allow them to be liked." 

That is the approach I have taken with my two sons and other children in my charge. Seems to work reasonably well.

Seems like a good saying, Norm.  I'm sure it sounds better in Persian though. 

think parents all too often today try to have their kids see them as their "Friend" and this is the road to hell. 

I agree totally with this, and I think this a major reason why so many single-parents fail. Sadly, I think mothers are more likely to be susceptible to this than fathers, who are probably more likely to be discipline-oriented. Just a common psychological difference between men and women that impacts the child.

According to Dr. Warren Farrell's Father and Child Reunion:

"...the most surprising (finding) is that children raised by single dads do better in more than 20 areas of measurement in comparison to children raised by single moms. These measurements include academic progress, social competence, psychological health and physical health". (source).

Now, some of those differences may be due, at least in part, to the economic disparities holding between divorced men and women, but surely not all. Fathers are just less likely to crave the love and approval of their children to a degree that impacts their approach to parenting. Strangely, not giving a shit whether their kids like them or not may give men an edge.

And of course, before anyone else says it, I'm sure there are many women who feel the same way about their single-parenting role.

Why should anybody disagree? That's what they wanted isn't it? Those kids wanted to show each other how badass they are, so they took the pictures and shared them themselves didn't they?

And I'm sure those parents took tons of pictures of their little kiddies too at some point. So what's the problem here?

The only reason those parents are pissed off is for the same reason a rapist would be pissed about being filmed while raping somebody. They're like criminals who want the evidence of their crimes destroyed. In this case it's the evidence of their shitty parenting. They're cowards, that's all.

They already did it. He's just aggregating the information. They put the pictures out there publicly. It's their own damn fault if they get caught.


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