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Permalink Reply by Grady Jean on March 26, 2012 at 10:02pm

A personal favorite of mine.

"I need no master to punish me in order to behave as I ought. If I did, I would be no more than a child who obeys his father's rules only because he fears the whip, and not because he actually means good."

Now, I read this in the fourth book of the "Inheritance" trilogy by Christopher Paolini. I have no doubt that it's paraphrased from another source, but I'm too lazy to go find it.

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Permalink Reply by Waynster on April 3, 2012 at 11:18am

My favourite has to be...

Michin 1:1 We're just fucking monkeys in shoes

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Permalink Reply by Grady Jean on April 9, 2012 at 10:14pm

Grady, 1:1-2 "If I wanted your prayers, I would have asked for them. NOW CALL ME A FUCKING DOCTOR!!!!"

Grady, 1:3 "There is nothing wrong with this world that a long string of funerals couldn't solve."

Grady, 1:4 "If I had a dollar for every time someone said they'd pray for me...I'd have none, because my ass is so deep in debt I will never dig it out."

Grady, 1:5-6 "I don't have morality? Buddy, my morality is the only thing that's keeping me from kicking your ass!"

Grady, 1:7-13 "I'm an atheist. Nothing you can say is going to change that. You can beat be black and blue, and I will still be an atheist. Don't waste your breath, don't waste my time. Accept it, and move on. Or Don't. The amount of fucks I give is dropping dramatically by the second."

Grady, 1:14-16 "If I had a fucking TARDIS, there would be no more theists. I would take the time to go back in time, and prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that there are no gods. Then, you know, I'd go forward in time until I found someone who could make me immortal, because fuck this dying bullshit."

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Permalink Reply by Grady Jean on April 10, 2012 at 2:11pm

Grady, 1:17 "If the bible is the only proof you need of the existence of a god, then Harry Fucking Potter is the only evidence I need of the existence of Wizards and Witches."

Grady, 1:18 "If God is watching me all day every day, then he's got some weird, disturbing fetishes that he and Sigmund Freud need to discuss."

Grady, 1:19-28 "I know a guy who has risen from the dead no less than ten times! He can move through space and time, and loves humanity more than humanity loves itself! He goes out of his way to rescue us, even from ourselves, and you know what his name is? No? I don't know his name either. Only one person knows his name. The universe simply knows him as...Doctor Who. What? You thought I was talking about God? Dumb ass..."

Grady, 1:29-33 "Zeus is a dead god. Jupiter is a dead god. Odin is a dead god. Quetzalcoatl is a dead god. How long do you think it will be before your precious Allah, your loving Yahweh, your wonderful God is just another Dead God?"

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Permalink Reply by Melissa Mays on July 29, 2012 at 10:57pm

..i've recently picked up the most annoying habit.. i just mutter, really fast, under my breath, in complete monotone: 'god hates shrimp.com". I used to say, 'um, whats that bible verse where jesus goes all twat-waffle aggro-bitch on a fig tree? ..get back to me on that one..". ..hmm, but to answer your question, i've invented a scripture for the next time an incidental scripture sullies my eardrums: Melissa 4:20 ..don't be an asshole.

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Permalink Reply by James Cox on September 20, 2012 at 10:16pm

I had a prof. mention to me once, 'I think you mumble, so you can be insulting, without being asaulted!'

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Permalink Reply by James Cox on July 30, 2012 at 10:19am

It seems to take an infinite amount of commentary, to define a finite number of theists!

If I wanted a personality cult, I would have eaten more wild aspargus!

And God said, 'let there be light'. So how many burnt fingers are there now?

If God built the universe, then why do churchs have such a tizzy when asked to pay taxes?

If prayer can solve all our problems, then why is it taking so long?

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Permalink Reply by John Phillips on September 20, 2012 at 1:08pm

John 6:67 - "Hope that knowledge shall set them free from dogma and hypocrisy"

John 6:66 - "Those who are indoctrinated will call you ignorant for being informed"

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Permalink Reply by David E Pierce on October 15, 2012 at 1:12am

Razor Thrashdance 3:19:  We spit on those who choose to pose, we thrash with all the rest!
*head bang*

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Permalink Reply by Beyonder on January 24, 2013 at 5:23pm

My favorite quote ever is from Oscar Wilde:

"Life is far too important a thing ever to talk seriously about."

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Permalink Reply by Claire Couch on January 26, 2013 at 6:37am

Wow, I'd never heard that Stephen Fry quote before. 

His awesome manages to somehow expand even further.

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Permalink Reply by Tom Pep on December 12, 2012 at 4:50am

Tom 20:20, Don't pray for me my good child, pray for yourselves, your days are numbered.

Tom 52:1, And I shall wreak my wrath upon you the next time you state you will say a prayer for me.

Tom loses count,  And the great spaghetti monster shall lift ye from ignorance with his noodly appendage.

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