Years ago I read the bible with highlighter in hand and found it to be quite interesting at times. But after reading it and as is no surprise, I had even more questions than before. So, for the sake of clarity and some humor I began calling churches and posing as a potential convert. I asked questions in a genuine attempt to understand their reasoning for believing it or if they were even aware of what the bible contained. The responses were very interesting. To set this up, my question was this;

How was it that Noah lived to be 900 years old?

Seems easy enough and I had predicted some potential responses "God wasn't finished with him yet" but what I got was quite surprising.

One preacher responded; Well you know the O-Zone layer wasn't as bad back in those days.

Ok so what was your question and what was the worst response offered.

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It's unfortunately true, it was not possible for me to stay in character as a result.
I don't know about the WORST excuse, but the one I dislike the most is the idea that God is so far above and beyond us that we cannot hope to comprehend why he does what he does, which is glib at best and rather condescending at worse. This essentially absolves those of the Abrahamic religions from EVER having to explain or understand our own existence and the inconsistencies therein, such as why bad things happen to good people. That the majority of people in the world think this way makes me shudder.

Oh damn, I have a million of these because every week, for about 3 months, I invited these nice old Jehovah's Witness ladies to my house for coffee and religious discussion. They were officially there to go through a silly little dogma book with me, but eventually gave up when it became obvious that I would find fault with each passage, and lead into a well-researched, intelligent argument that was way beyond their religious training. They already believe strange and silly particulars about Christianity. For instance, Jesus wasn't killed on a CROSS, he was killed on a TORTURE STAKE. This is a very important distinction because they want you to know that they know their bibles better than most Christians (they tend to), and so their translation is better, they believe, and this is a primary piece of evidence. Crosses are pagan symbols, after all.

Anyway, when we got down to science and questioning arguments for God, they got really funny. I would ask them about the fossil records, about the lack of evidence for a global catastrophic flood, dinosaurs that no longer exist and seem strangely absent from Genesis...and their replies were certainly creative and endlessly absurd. They first explained how dinosaurs were only around so they could stomp all the earth flat. Mountains are tall because they are made of harder stone, so can't be stomped flat by dinosaurs. I couldn't make this shit up. They said Noah didn't need dinosaurs because they already fulfilled their purpose, and weren't good for meat. After I started getting into cosmology, radiometric dating, and questioning why they trusted this particular version of the bible, how they know it's authentic, etc., they brought another person, and explained they were bringing a man over, because they thought I would respect him more, and that he would have more authority. This pissed me off to begin with, but the guy talked down to me like I didn't understand anything, and it seemed like the nice old ladies hadn't bothered to tell him I was more interested in trying to educate them about science. Being angered by his tone and presentation, I began to mock every bit of his ignorance. He and the old ladies all agreed that the sky is blue because it reflects the ocean, which is blue. I live in Colorado, so I asked "how come our sky here is quite blue when the ground is mostly covered in grass, and the ocean is 1000 miles away?" They acted all surprised that I would question their science knowledge. I then made a passionate argument for science as the proper way to understand the world, and asserted that they had so totally demonstrated their lack of common sense and reason, I couldn't trust their view of the world at all. Needless to say, they did not come back after that.

Really though, the "magical friend in the clouds will save our friend from cancer" bit when I asked a friend how they could believe when facing such a tragedy is the all-time worst response.

One preacher responded; Well you know the O-Zone layer wasn't as bad back in those days.

 

@ Jason - that was too funny! lolololol.

 

The weirdest thing I ever heard from a religious person was a Mormon. I was being interviewed in order to become a member of their church. I asked him what did Mormons believe about hell. He said they did not really like to.....  (let me think, how did he put it); oh yes, he said that was negative and they did not like to dwell on negativity. 

 

 

God will forgive them anyways =(

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