Years ago I read the bible with highlighter in hand and found it to be quite interesting at times. But after reading it and as is no surprise, I had even more questions than before. So, for the sake of clarity and some humor I began calling churches and posing as a potential convert. I asked questions in a genuine attempt to understand their reasoning for believing it or if they were even aware of what the bible contained. The responses were very interesting. To set this up, my question was this;

How was it that Noah lived to be 900 years old?

Seems easy enough and I had predicted some potential responses "God wasn't finished with him yet" but what I got was quite surprising.

One preacher responded; Well you know the O-Zone layer wasn't as bad back in those days.

Ok so what was your question and what was the worst response offered.

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I liked the one a nice Mormon lady laid on me when I was touring the local temple a couple of years ago. She wanted to offer me an intellectual, rational view on why her religion was true, and went on to tell me that since Biblical times and continuing into the present, there have been prophets chosen by God at regular intervals to spread his word. I brought up Jim Jones and Charles Manson and asked her how she differentiated them from "true" prophets. Her intellectual and rational answer was that she "felt it [was true] in her heart".



Does she realize her heart can't actually 'feel' anything?  I wonder if the religious people actually believe feeling derives from their hearts.  Hmmmm.  



You should try going to a Mormon church on fast and testimony Sunday (First Sunday of every month). The idea is that people are supposed to get up in front of the congregation and give their personal testimony of how the Heavenly Father has personally touched their lives.  Almost every single person will, at some point say this: "I know this church is true.  I know that Joseph Smith was a prophet of God. I believe that *insert current church president here* is a living prophet of God on earth today."  When I say they will say that, I don't mean in some fashion or other, I mean exactly those words.  It's very odd. 
Yep, that's how it always goes. I wonder why?

The heart does not, as far as I know, do anything but pump blood and respond to emotions that are processed by the brain.  Did you ask her how her brain felt about it?  Perhaps that is why she is listening to a pumping muscle instead of using critical thinking and rational thought.


I think the worst responses I have ever gotten have got to be

1. [blank]...because your too close minded.

2. You wouldnt understand


Both just insult me to the core.

Worst excuse I have heard for why I have not had Jesus reveal himself to ME , is 'God has chosen for you a different path' 


So , my path is to wait until Jesus shows himself to me?  Or is my path to burn in hell after I die?  


Do christians realize their excuses are deterministic .... which is not at all free will.  I love how they contradict themselves at any given time to rationalize the conundrum they are faced with at the moment.  

I asked "Do you really believe there was a talking snake?"


I got back "Well we can talk and we are animals."

you are being an elitist


I asked this question for the first time in Sunday school when I was seven. ( I got kicked out of class....) 

Adam and Eve were the only people on earth.  They had two children, making the total four people.  Cain killed Able.  Now there are three.  But wait, Cain had children...who did he marry? 

One person actually told me that because there were only three people Cain must have had children with Eve, or maybe one of his sisters.  When I questioned further, saying, "So incest was okay at the time?"  the reply got even stranger, "Well I'm sure that God would have made exceptions...after all, the Bible does say we're all related."  Really? That's the best they could come up with.

My other favorite is, "Satan planted fossils on Earth to mislead the children of God."  I don't even try to argue with that one.

At the age of seven my dad was kicked out of the Episcopal church altogether. xD
Best way to trump a Theist is the proven theory of the Dinosaurs.  If they really piss me off, then you play the "Mary was just a whore who's story got way out of hand", card.


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