Years ago I read the bible with highlighter in hand and found it to be quite interesting at times. But after reading it and as is no surprise, I had even more questions than before. So, for the sake of clarity and some humor I began calling churches and posing as a potential convert. I asked questions in a genuine attempt to understand their reasoning for believing it or if they were even aware of what the bible contained. The responses were very interesting. To set this up, my question was this;

How was it that Noah lived to be 900 years old?

Seems easy enough and I had predicted some potential responses "God wasn't finished with him yet" but what I got was quite surprising.

One preacher responded; Well you know the O-Zone layer wasn't as bad back in those days.

Ok so what was your question and what was the worst response offered.

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Don't you mean the fact of dinosaurs?

Proven theory sounds better.


Scientific proof is a mathematical concept. It's possible because of the strict formalism of mathematics that doesn't exist in the natural sciences. You can't definitely prove a scientific theory. Just support it with enough evidence that something better is very unlikely to come along
Me- "Why do you hate homosexuals?"

Class member- "I don't hate fags, god hates fags."
My bible is highlighted too!
When I point out to theists all the crazy and unethical verses in the bible, I never get an answer. They are all just look awkward and say that we can't understand gods ways.

Highlighting the bible is a blast. I even color codded it. Pink = inconsistencies, Yellow = Lies provable by Science (that I know of), Orange = all the super Evil shit God/Jesus did, Blue = All the crazy shit people did for God, Red fine tip sharpie = notes and cross reference numbers.  Lets just say that was the most colorful and handy bible I ever owned.


That was until my Aunt found it, exploded like some Inquisition enforcer and took it. Apparently coloring in the bible is a mortal sin. 


As for the question: How was it that Noah lived to be 900 years old?

I was told once that it was due to a large amount of water vapor in the air protecting us from harm, after the great flood we lost all that water vapor.... It was when I was around 11, 2 days before I was kicked out of Sunday School, so I don't remember the exact words he used but without a doubt it had to do with lots and lots of water vapor....


Why do you believe? 

Because I believe.


But evidence.

But faith.

OH oh i got this!!


The best one I get all the TIME is,   "Your Interrupting it all wrong! Your Taking it to literal."


That's what I always get when I point out something that has not LOGIC to it.



"It's a matter of faith."  Faith, like injustice, cruelty, poverty, oppression, hunger, etc. is an evil and needs to be extirpated.
Really...the ozone layer.




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