Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Cara Coleen on August 28, 2010 at 11:30am

Like Mark said, this isn't a matter of friendship. I could remain friends with my partner who had a sex change operation, but I couldn't remain intimate with them. Hopefully, they would understand that, since they are being true to their own self in this process, I should be true to myself also. I would never abandon that person though.

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Permalink Reply by Reggie on August 28, 2010 at 1:20pm

Surely anyone who has a sex change is the same person as before,

I argue that they would not be. Sure, they wouldn't be a whole, new personality. But they would be changed. And their future experiences in a different gender role will continue to change them, as does experience change us all. But this is a drastic change that will turn a lot of interactions and relationships on their heads. How could they not be a different person in marked ways?

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Permalink Reply by Jānis Ķimsis on August 28, 2010 at 1:45pm

Bringing back the topic of the discussion, if it is as you say and they were'nt themselves before the sex change, then their partner was, in fact, in a relationship with a different person.

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Permalink Reply by Sophie on August 28, 2010 at 7:21pm

Me personally I would have to take a step back and really think about it. There would be a lot of situations where it could be socially awkward. And no more penis? I do not think I could handle a strap on...

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Permalink Reply by Shine on August 28, 2010 at 8:30pm

I do not think I could handle a strap on...

Lol, you just made my day!

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Permalink Reply by Shine on August 29, 2010 at 10:38am

Do we wear different color briefs to make laundry a tad easier?

See, now that's problem-solving in action! :)

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Permalink Reply by elaine kilshaw on August 30, 2010 at 10:24am

Surely we are trying to live other peoples lives. I am sure it would be a tough decision, but you are who you are and wanting a sex change does not mean you want to be awkward,. You must be true to yourself and if you feel you are the wrong sex, and an operation is available, go ahead.

It must in the end be a hard choice so I am sure you would not want to go through this operation without good reasons.

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Permalink Reply by Ava Wilson on September 26, 2010 at 2:49am

I think it's absolutely morally permissible to leave. You entered the relationship assuming they were one gender only to have them change during the relationship. If you identify with being a sexuality they at first comply with, and then they change it and it doesn't match your sexual preference, why should you be stuck there with genitalia you're not interested in? It is a natural reaction for a human being, dismissing the 'pity' or 'feel bad for them because you still have love 'for' them' factors, to leave a situation that makes them unhappy such as relationships. Although psychologically speaking, some individuals stay in those situations, it is usually because they can't recognize they're unhappy in the first place (i.e.: abused wives who stay with their husbands for years). In relationships themselves, if a person can recognize they're unhappy, as in any situation, they should have no moral obligation to stay. They can easily stay friends with the person. If they 'stay in the relationship' and don't see anyone else, and don't have sex with the person, then they're pretty much just in a friendship anyway. If they stay with the person and have sex with them out of moral obligation, they're defying their sexual preference (in a lot of cases) and perpetuating their unhappiness and staying in a relationship under false pretenses, deceiving both themselves and the partner.

If they decide to split, on the contrary, and simply leave it at friendship, no harm no foul. I've seen this happen in a lot of cases. Unless the partner expects sex of them still, there's no reason they can't just be friends, and the partner, if they really love the person, can't expect them to have sex with a gender they're not interested in regardless of their love for them. My fiance is wonderful, but the difference between him being my fiance and him being my friend is that I have sex with him (exclusively, in our case) and have a child I raise with him. If he suddenly wanted to be a woman, I may stay with him simply because I'm interested in both genders, but if I was not interested in both genders I would easily say 'Hey, let's just be friends then. I don't really want to have sex with a woman. We can still live together and raise Lexi but let's date other people who fit our sexual interest. I'll still be here to support you.'

Again, no reason it should be 'morally impermissible' to leave them.

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Permalink Reply by Reggie on September 26, 2010 at 8:32am

Yep, yep!

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Permalink Reply by Fancy Nancy on September 26, 2010 at 6:17am

Hmmm another atheistic discussion about .... morality :D

Well, I'm in umm 2 minds about this one! I mean, ppl who want a sex change do genuinely seem to want to be the 'opposite' sex but then again, can't they 'act' the 'opposite' sex eg 'transvestite' etc without surgery??? Is 'sex change' in fact very conservative thinking, wanting to conform ... sorta fundamentalism????

I can't think that my DH would want the op ... he seems far too fond of all his 'bits' On the other hand, we all change over the years - we have been together about 12 years now and we are sorta 'same but different' ... albeit not THAT different ...

Divorce is always an option for both of us ... if we started to have fundamental differences then either our marriage would have to adjust or we'd have to part.

Neal ... my Dear Husband doesn't like sports ... it's never been a problem for me ... if he changed sex and suddenly liked sports ... Oh MY SATAN!"!!!!!!

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Permalink Reply by Ava Wilson on September 26, 2010 at 12:26pm

The problem is that you're comparing apples to oranges. If my fiance suddenly went from not liking sports to liking it, it wouldn't bug me. In fact, he's done it. However, if he suddenly wanted female parts, that *would* bother me. Sex is a very intimate thing. It's giving yourself and making yourself vulnerable to somebody, and people are attracted to what they're attracted to. Suddenly changing that would be like, say. . . my fiance tattooing every inch of his skin dark brown and getting facial reconstruction to have Afro-American features. I have a lot of black friends, but I'm not attracted to dark skin sexually, and probably could not continue to have sex with him and therefore would just be friends if he chose he wanted to visually change his ethnicity that drastically. It's not a matter of racism or sexism. I'm just not attracted to those things. It doesn't turn me on--- and if anything, turns me off. How can I commit my life to somebody who has gone back on the agreement we made going into the relationship? Even if it's unspoken, it's an agreement that they're one gender and I'm one gender and that's how it is. Some people may not care if they're bisexual, or peculiarly committed, but the vast majority of people are not that way and I wouldn't expect them to be. And it certainly doesn't compare to them changing hobbies.

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Permalink Reply by Fancy Nancy on September 26, 2010 at 12:46pm

Ava, I can't really imagine how difficult it is for wives of men who change sex ... but the racial thing I think is a bad analogy. Ok you have been honest but maybe you might want to think more about what you say before you post ... or why you feel that you couldn't find a Black person sexually attractive. I don't think your post does much to attract Black ppl to you, in any event .... totally out of order and nasty imho.

Fyi the reference to sports was half-joking but half-serious following Neal's post - as in, don't assume that a big strapping heterosexual man doesn't like interior decorating, for example, rather than tribal games - and 'vice versa' ;)

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