This is what I need to know.  I don't want to comment, only listen. 

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"What do you want in a woman, Dustin?"

First and foremost I would want a woman that can swallow my abusive history and not run from it.  To love me for who I am.  To be there for me and to understand my sensitive and emotional side.  Someone who is really quite attractive.  Not a vegan or a tree hugger or a feminazi.  An atheist would be great.  I'm not sure I want a monogamous relationship.  I also have a strong sexual side to me that doesn't match well with some girls I've slept with.  I need more of a fight, hair pulling, biting, scratching, dirty talk.  A famous line from a porno clip..."Every man wants a girl that can act like a little angel in front of their family and friends but becomes a super slut in the bedroom." 

And also someone I see as a friend and not just a lover.  

And someone is amazing with children.  That is a really attractive thing to me.  

My needs are pretty high.  I have such high needs because I see how marriages don't work out so well so if I were to ever get married then I would need a very strong compatability in these categories.  And I would never want to be in the situation to have had children and then realize that we aren't compatible anymore.  

But I'll probably wait until I'm a bit older and have my life and security together.  I don't need to decide just yet.  Maybe when I get more experienced in relationships I can figure out what I actually need.  

And I have a few friends that provide me some of these things.  I'm still trying to figure out what makes a marriage any different other than being bounded for eternity in chains of vows.

I find your list quite ironic (perhaps even hypocritical) considering how peeved you seem to be with females' unrealistic expectations of men.

I absolutely agree that you should expect your future partner to accept your past. It's a requirement, even. And it's not remotely unrealistic. Also, you should be attracted to your partner (duh).

But...

Where do females get their unrealistic expectations? From fairy tales, chick flicks, and romance novels. We expect men to mirror the men we see in the media we absorb. We want them to be sensitive, show their emotional side, romantic, chivalrous, a considerate lover, ambitious, rich, etc. I mean, Prince Charming is a fairy tale... but most women expect him to appear someday anyway.

You keep quoting porn and porn stars. Those movies and women do not represent reality. They're acting. Yes, they're even acting in interviews; they have to keep up the erotic persona. Porn is to men what fairy tales are to women: fantasies.

As much as I realize this was a list about what *you* want in a woman, there seemed to be very little room in it for what she wants, or her shitty past. We all have shitty pasts. What if she'd be sexually abused? You want someone that can accept that aspect of you, but you wouldn't accept someone who couldn't always perform like a "super slut" because of her past?

You have expectations, and so do women. Some women have unrealistic expectations, and so do you. All I hope it that you'll be more forgiving of the inconsistency and hypocrisy girls exhibit in their quest to be treated as humans... since you're forgiving of it in yourself, and expect others to be.

Oh, and there's no law requiring you to pay for your date's dinner. You have the right to refuse. So that's not really a good reason to deny women rights.

But tell me... do you *want* an independent girl, or one who will allow you to pay and fall into the conventional roles? Because there are girls who are happy to be Suzy-homemaker. It doesn't sound to me like you want a free-thinker though, and finding an atheist female that doesn't have a few feminist stripes is also a bit unrealistic.

"... hair pulling, biting, scratching, dirty talk... And someone [who] is amazing with children."

Please tell me you're smarter than this, and you just haven't gotten the chance to thoroughly evaluate this aspect of your life yet.

I know a woman who fits this bill, she's a geezer-bird, and hard as nails, but that doesn't stop her from being very attractive.  She went into labour while watching Eastenders, but waited until the end of the show before calling the ambulance. 

A big part of what we call "compatibility" consists of accommodating the needs and wants of the other even if they aren't natural to us. For example, I had a relationship with a woman whose first words when we got in bed were "Talk dirty." The more I used words like "fuck," "bitch," "slut," and so on, the more excited she became. I did it, but it was something foreign to me

Elsewhere here, I've written about the girl who confessed to me that she could only orgasm if, to use her word, she were "taken." Raped, basically. I imagine consensual rape was good enough, but any partner of hers might find himself doing something out of character for him.

First and foremost I would want a woman that can swallow

Ditto.

."Every man wants a girl that can act like a little angel in front of their family and friends but becomes a super slut in the bedroom."

"Girls want bad boys who're only good for them. Boys want good girls who're only bad for them."

@Dustin - is immediately attracted to him for his inadequacy?

No - what I am saying I don't believe men when talking about conquests, and how they have achieved them. They, first of talk about it, because they are inadequate, and second they will exagerate. Certainly, a female may want to fuck a bloke with this line, I would like to know how many women were given is line, and how many took it up. He would be as good as celibate if he used this line often :)

To me, he would be an inadequate male, with the fitness of a cockroach, and the vast majority of women would either laugh at him or look at him as if he were a simpleton. Maybe you just travel in different circles, where, for the female, there aren't any quality men.

All a man has to be is confident and relaxed, and not pretend something he is not. Women are being treated as aliens, whereas if you find the right one for you, and in that relationship, you will both look after each other, it is how it should be. And it is hard to find the right one, or as right as one can be.

A real man is someone who wants his partner by his side - make up any definition etc.

Part of the learning curve -  is the one that works with equality in everything, watching each others back, protecting each other, paying for herself, going in to combat, let the women decide on what they want to do - it is called freedom in being an adult, and making one's own decisions. Aren't you tired of all the old cliches, where women just want to be looked after, wouldn't you  like your female to be on your side, and not the 'them and us mentality?'

@Shanna - "I think that is why gays, especially women, get on so well, they understand the others thinking - no contest."

Not always so - What I am saying here, is that because both are female, they understand each other better, when they are in a long term relationship.

With gays, they want a long term relationship because they think alike, just like in a successful, loving, hetero relationship.

Women can be the most passive aggressive creatures ever - 

It's 'people' who can be passive/aggessive, not just women, not just men. Certainly, when marriage for gays is the norm, there will be divorce, because people are not on the same page, just as in hetero partnerships.  I am saying, gay partnerships have the jump on hetero relationships, being with someone of the same sex.

For a long term relationship, one has to find someone who 'fits' with you in the majority of ways. There is someone out there for everyone, one just has to find that person, and no one should settle for less.

I tell my wife, I don't know what you want. Tell me. I am not psychic - 

The question I would be asking is - Why doesn't your wife feel comfortable enough to say what she thinks? In a true equal partnership/relationship, people talk, inform, question - it just makes life so much easier :)

@Dustin - is immediately attracted to him for his inadequacy?

No - what I am saying I don't believe men when talking about conquests, and how they have achieved them. They, first of talk about it, because they are inadequate, and second they will exagerate. Certainly, a female may want to fuck a bloke with this line, I would like to know how many women were given this line, and how many took it up. He would be as good as celibate if he used this line often :)

To me, he would be an inadequate male, with the fitness of a cockroach, and the vast majority of women would either laugh at him or look at him as if he were a simpleton. Maybe you just travel in different circles, where, for the female, there aren't any quality men.

All a man has to be is confident and relaxed, and not pretend something he is not. Women are being treated as aliens, whereas if you find the right one for you, and in that relationship, you will both look after each other, it is how it should be.

A real man is someone who wants his partner by his side - make up any definition etc.

Part of the learning curve - is the one that works with equality in everything, watching each others back, protecting each other, paying for herself, going in to combat, let the women decide on what they want to do - it is called freedom in being an adult, and making one's own decisions. Aren't you tired of all the old cliches, where women just want to be looked after, wouldn't you like your female to be on your side, and not the 'them and us mentality?'

@Shanna - "I think that is why gays, especially women, get on so well, they understand the others thinking - no contest."

Not always so - What I am saying here, is that because both are female, they understand each other better, when they are in a long term relationship, and are, therefore, more successful than the average hetero relationship.

Women can be the most passive aggressive creatures ever -

It's 'people' who can be passive/aggessive, not just women, not just men. Certainly, when marriage for gays is the norm, there will be divorce, because people are not on the same page, just as in hetero partnerships. I am saying, gay partnerships have the jump on hetero relationships, being with someone of the same sex.

For a long term relationship, one has to find someone who 'fits' with you in the majority of ways. There is someone out there for everyone, one just has to find that person, and no one should settle for less.

I tell my wife, I don't know what you want. Tell me. I am not psychic -

The question I would be asking is - Why doesn't your wife feel comfortable enough to say what she thinks? In a true equal partnership/relationship, people talk, inform, question - it just makes life so much easier :)

I think in ratio, many more women are passive aggressive. 

Obviously, when you're the generally smaller and less physically threatening sex, you learn not to be actively aggressive. 

At the same time, controlling men learn to be passive aggressive, too. They use the left-handed compliment ("You're gorgeous; I don't care what everyone says") or the guilt trip ("I know three kids are a lot to handle, but why can't I come home to a tidy house?") or the comparison ("Bill's wife makes $90K; I wish you had whatever she has!").

Truthfully it's not always about what we want as much as it it is what we need. We don't need things that are tangible. We need to be what you think you cannot live with out. We need to feel beautiful. We need to know that no matter what you will love us. That means not perfect days too. the ones were we didn't do our makeup, our hair is a tangled mess, we're in our favorite pajamas that should have been thrown out ages ago but we can't bring ourselves to do it.The days we are over emotional and annoying. Those days when you still make us feel loved even when we are crazy. We choose the bad boy for the the thrill of it. The pretty boy because we like arm candy. In the end we chose the one who is a true man. The guy who is a gentleman, intelligent and goal driven. For we played with the toys and realized what we wanted was our equal. Some one to share life and experiences with.

Maybe some things women don't want would help - here.

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