This is what I need to know.  I don't want to comment, only listen. 

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And? I guess my discussion style should exactly mirror yours.

So... engage and stop dancing around the topic. I responded to the OP appropriately. Tell me what you're "taking on". The fact I said too much, or that I said something not based in fact.

"Sex" is kind of the default setting. Overcoming that is often perceived as maturing (and, hey, why not?) But it's difficult. I think our evolutionary forefathers still live within us, and act out through us. And it takes a good deal of commitment and discipline and will to cage them. I don't think most ever do, or do too late, assuming we're all even capable of it. It seems to me that telling a man to make sex a secondary factor in a relationship is like saying "Hey. Evolve."

""the message" was so deeply ingrained that I thought if I didn't get those things, it meant he didn't love me. "If he doesn't ___, he's just not that into you." And, in my head I reminded myself I didn't want ___ anyway! But, the ingrained message haunted me. It told me it didn't matter; the fact my boyfriend didn't do ___, and didn't want to do ___ meant he didn't love me... " 

I believe that women naturally enjoy certain romantic necessities, such as, I don't know, a thoughtful Valentine's card, like a birthday card for your love; picking up on something she's mentioned in passing, and making sure she gets it; listening to what she wants to tell you, without trying to fix it, or minimally; those kind of things.  Why shouldn't she?  If women are built that way, then men need to think about that and try and fulfill those things which cost nothing but can gladden a woman's heart. 

I want life time supply of batteries for my vibrator. Oh hell with that I'll just get a generator.

There is the plug-in kind, of course. Often they are passed off as "massagers" rather than vibrators. However, I can imagine the distress when the juice runs out (the juice in the batteries, you dirty-minded pervs!) just as you're almost "there."

Been there. Cried.


If you are going to try the plug-in variety, don't buy one in the USA (120v) and take it over to Europe (220v) unless you're prepared for a bit of a surprise.

Would that surprise be pleasant (a much more powerful vibrator) or unpleasant (an exploding or flaming vibrator)?

Chuckles, you want a 'spoiler'?  No chance!


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