This is what I need to know.  I don't want to comment, only listen. 

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Dustin ... Men dont usually have BPD.

In males it mostly manifests as Narcissim

They are both serious disorders.

I hope none of that stuff happened to you.

The basis of both of these disorders is severely/dangerously low empathy.

Our current poster boy for Narcissism is Lance Armstrong ... Liar Liar Bike Pants On Fire .... Doesnt give a rats ass about anyone other than himself and will utterly destroy others to get what he wants and completely not give a shit about them...

Our poster girl for BPD is Marilyn Munroe .... Manipulative, liar, suicidal, self harm -  Loves you today hates you tomorrow,   Highly promiscuous ...

Oh, I'm not narcissistic.   

Hope it didn't happen to me?  LoL, it ALL happened to me.  Every bullet point. 

This is not at all meant to diminish your experience: yours is a common experience. My father left before I was born. My step-dad came along when I was four and was abusive in all the ways you mentioned. The exception here is that we had superb communication skills. <-this is a nutshell, also (in other words, long. fucking. story.)

YES. Someone should accept you for all of that. Because what choice would your partner have? Could you hide it? Could you change it? Sure, you can hide it on a few dates, but it's going to come out. And if she can't handle it, she can't handle you... and it's time to move on. My bf and I both have baggage we accept about each other. Everyone has baggage. And I don't know why you'd wanna be with someone not emotionally mature enough to handle it. Your future partner will have to accept all that, because it's a packaged deal.

Now you have, so now you can never again say you haven't. ;)

You're probably right that women aren't yearning for more responsibility; they are indeed yearning for more freedom... like everyone else. I want the freedom to do as I please and deal with the consequences on my own. That seems pretty basic to me. That's what you want, too. That's what everyone wants. No one sits around hoping for more responsibility, but most people realize it's inevitable... and it's not like your average woman lives in a sheltered bubble where responsibility is a foreign concept to her.

So, give us our basic rights and freedoms; let the chips fall where they may. Let these females that insist on equality get exactly what they're asking for. If there's some reality they're out of touch with, they're going to collide with it soon enough. Stop "protecting" us. What do you honestly think will happen? You think we'll all break down crying and beg to be let back in the kitchen?

Hold these girls you're dating accountable. If they wax poetic about feminism, then let them pay half the tab if you really want to make that point. You won't get laid that night, but that's the price you pay if consistency is really as important as you make it out to be... and you might drive an important point home. Without the snark, if women want equality, then they need to give up being treated like special princesses and, yes, accept more responsibility. BTW, our load is already quite cumbersome.

Morgan and I take turns paying for dinner and clothes. He pays the rent; I pay for everything else (groceries, utilities, internet). We have separate accounts. We might talk about how wise it is for one of us to make a big purchase, but we generally don't answer to each other when it comes to money; we both earn our own. It's been this way since day one, and it works well. We walk the equality walk. It wouldn't look the same for every couple, but I'm not just full of hot air; I put this into practice. We're a team. We both have responsibilities.

And as far as your experiences with girls? I don't know what else to tell you except that it takes time to find someone you're compatible with. If you're a true romantic, you have to keep waiting to find a girl that appreciates that trait. You *should* find a person that accepts you for you. It's not bullshit. What's bullshit is believing every girl you date should accept you. Not everyone accepts you! It's a SPECIAL (to you) person that will accept you; a person that will take time to find. You're looking for an individual; one person among millions. I don't think it's some cosmic thing; there are probably hundreds you'd do well with... but out of BILLIONS the planet over? Expect it to be hard. And, in the meantime, enjoy that field you're playing.

Thanks for the post :)  

I'm going to nitpick one thing here.  All our lives, men are brought up thinking we should be the protector of the female.  So...

'Stop "protecting" us'

In the shooting in the batman movie theater, Do you believe the males were justified in throwing themselves on the females to protect them from the bullets?  

How many stories have you heard of females throwing themselves at danger to protect a man?  Other than perhaps combat situations?  

So then you have these females balling their eyes out on tv about how their boyfriend protected them from the bullets and died.  

All I could think to myself was.  'Wow, what a baby.  Her boyfriend just sacrificed his life to save yours and you're acting like a total baby on national television.  Grow up a bit.' 

I was angry about it.  Angry about their absurd emotional outbreak after someone just died for them.  

Or maybe it's because I wanted to hear the words "I'm so upset and emotional because I didn't deserve it.  I am a female and that didn't justify my boyffriends actions to save me.  I didn't deserve it and I feel guilty for this entire situation.  I'm so sorry to the family of my boyfriend."

Maybe it's because they felt deep down that they didn't deserve such a chivalrous action - Or was it just female emotion coming out and in the end they still felt entitled to such a chivalrous action because of their gender?



They were hysterical.  Not just tearing up.  

I think I implied that it wasn't necessarily the fact they were emotional but the fact that they left many things out that I feel needed to be said.  


I remember one of the boyfriends, it was like...their 2nd date or something and he pushed her to the ground and protected her.

Men tend to do things out of a sense of duty rather than love, and I think with women it's often the reverse. I'm NOT saying that it's always this way or that but just that I think there are tendencies.

Don't forget that mothers give their lives for their children, too. It's not only men risking and giving their life for loved ones. I assume you heard of the teacher at Sandy Hook who hid all her children in a cabinet and literally took a bullet (or several) for their sake. The only real difference is that women don't typically protect men... but that doesn't make them less heroic, and it's not "the way it should be", either.

Morgan may feel inclined to protect me in similar situations, but I'd feel just as inclined to protect him! I don't just keep him around as a human shield. I love him. I would hate life if he actually took a bullet for me. These women just lost someone dear to them! How else are they supposed to respond? It's not like you actually want your significant others to die for you. Maybe it sounds romantic, and movies hype it up or whatever, but the reality would be horrifying... and crushing. It's not just female emotion. I would hope you'd cry if your girlfriend gave her life for you.

And no, they weren't entitled to the sacrifice of their men because they were female. Not at all. It had nothing to do with whether they deserved it. We all try to protect each other from harm. And our country has embedded this "women and children first" notion in, but I don't think it's inherently the way it should be. I think everyone should look out for each other.

"Don't forget that mothers give their lives for their children"

When my little 2 year old niece decided to crawl into the deep end and I was the only one who noticed the little angel slowly sinking to the bottom, I screamed out her name and swam to the edge of the pool to climb out, starting running to the deep end to save her while every male around the pool was rushing over to jump in.  All the females just stood there screaming and the mother (my aunt) was hyperventilating and crying while it all took place, screaming her husbands name as well.   

Her baby was drowning and she just stood there in panic screaming her husbands name as if he was the one obligated to jump in with his clothes and wallet and shoes on to save her while she (In a bathing suit) did nothing.

It's baffled me ever since.  

I know you know cultural conditioning has a lot to do with this/everything. Men are taught to charge forward, and women are taught to hang back... and stay out of the way. Outside of social conditioning, I don't think gender has anything to do with this.

I could also remind you of the cowardly father that left his wife and kids in the theater, and got into his car to drive away! We could go back and forth, trading stories about men that ran away and women that failed to jump in... or men that were abusive, or women that were violent. It proves nothing about gender. It proves people suck. It proves there are different personalities, and some personalities are disappointingly shitty.

C'mon. You're a pattern-seeking primate. You/we make connections where there are none. Correlation does not equal causation. We can all agree our culture shapes our identities. Atheists have rejected religious indoctrination. Why can't we reject cultural indoctrination in the same way? There are differences in genders, but not to the degree we've been programmed to think.

J. says she would "stand in front of a shooter" for me. 


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