Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Pope Beanie on September 14, 2016 at 3:21pm

Forgot to mention, how all this affects your son matters, too. I've mentioned before I think you're brilliant, and what's worried me most is your encounters with predatory males. They color my assumptions and presumptions about your situations, albeit with too much blur.

(I almost said "sagas" instead of situations, because you always write so well wrt personal-but-enlightening topics.)

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Simon Paynton on September 15, 2016 at 4:02am

I don't find it sinister, I just think he's a bit of a nutcase. 

The spirit of it is that self-reliance is good, making the most of opportunities is good, don't let a bum deal in life hold you back.  The last is easier said than done, but in my opinion the best way to do this is to stay away from drink and drugs which you already do. 

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Simon Paynton on September 15, 2016 at 10:58am

At any rate, I think the sentiments illustrate the urge of all living things to flourish. 

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Stutz on September 18, 2016 at 12:34am

Not to open an absolutely massive can of worms, but I can't help but point out that the statement assumes we have free will, which we probably don't. So, you know...have fun with that

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Simon Mathews on September 18, 2016 at 3:58am

Don't worry, there's no chance of opening a can of worms by discussing free will on here :-)

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Unseen on September 18, 2016 at 11:40am

We don't have free will. We all do what our brain—functioning according to physical laws—tells us to do. However, I don't know anyone whose brain is telling them what to do based on their personal stance on the issue of free will. 

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Davis Goodman on September 18, 2016 at 8:37am

Ayn Rand like evil. This is the product of a vicious brutal savage sociopath...who thinks that his own success is entirely due to the good decisions he made (not possibly true) and that those who didn't succeed failed because of the bad decisions they made (almost never true). That's ego at the height of slimy pathetic-sadness. 

Every human is allowed to make decisions for themselves. We're all born with that. Some surrender that to others,,, which is a decision in itself. Others decide not to. We each have to own up to the fact that we, and the situations we find ourselves in,,, are a product of our own decisions

No. Lies. We are a product of when, where why how we are born, our family, our neighbours, our customs, random chance, the wealth of your country, city, the amount of opportunities within your grasp, your intelligence, your body, the limits society places on "race, class, gender" decisions you make in which you have no idea what the consequences will be, your self-confidence, your social skills etc. and of course...also the decisions you make. Reducing the position someone is in...to the decisions they have made is so beyond ridiculously absurd I don't know how this person graduated elementary school because even 12 year olds can realize there's more to someone's circumstances than their personal choices.

We're all dealt certain cards, but how we play our hand is completely on us.

No.That is beyond stupid. This person has absolutely no idea what kind of crippling limitations can be placed on people and how helpless they are to overcome it. You might say to someone that they can overcome their crippling anxiety and zero-self-esteem and shyness by seeing specialists who can help them overcome that. Of course...they can do that if they have the enormous amount of money it costs and/or if their country offers these services at a reasonable price/free. Since this guy clearly is against social services offering these at a reasonable price...either you have the money or you don't. Doesn't seem like much of a chocie. Of course...if its a young person...you also need your parents to agree to this/pay it. Without this kind of help...you are unlikely to overcome this on your own...and expecting someone to overcome crippling lack of social skills on their own...is stupid. Same for the physically disabled, same for the not so intelligent, same for women in countries where they are seriously/totally held back. You are at the mercy of your family, society, government programs and others in every case. It's not completely up to you. What a moron.

Countless people have been dealt incredibly tough hands. Far far tougher than yours and mine, and they've risen far beyond you and I.

Yes...and they are like the .01% They are amazing inspirational people. So what? The 99.9% who couldn't overcome these limits and rise up all made bad decisions and deserve their lot? This guy is a collosal douchebag.

That's our fault individually, and ONLY we as individuals can correct the bad decisions that placed us where we presently are.

Except of course...in every single capital/socialist country in Europe, North Amerca, Australia, New Zealand, Japan, Hong Kong, South Korea, Singapore...where people aren't allowed to fall through the cracks, aren't banished to the streets when they fuck up and people with disadvantages are given support and help to equalize their disadvantages and try to approach having the same opportunities as others have. If anything...seems like you are given the chance to even make decisions to overcome your situations including having an education to begin with that helps you analyse your decisions and which ones are the right ones. I guess people who live in dire proverty and almost no education...should some how magically know what the right decisions are and where to find the burried gold in their neighbourhood.

It's a harsh truth

No...there isn't a word of truth in this whole paragraph. Just some asshole justifying his savage view on the world and pointing his judging asshole finger at losers and the disadvantaged as dirt...the product of their own uselessness.

but it's an absolute truth

No. The only place this is an absolute truth is in the arena of "The hunger games" and even then...notice there are still people showing kindness and helping one another...stronger when they work together.

You need to be self reliant.

As a general rule...it's not a bad idea to try and become independent from your support structures if possible.

Being reliant on others or on programs, etc, is tantamount to slavery.

Slavery is being forced to live in your masters home, do what they tell you to, eat whatever they choose to give you and enjoy little pleasures whenever they feel like you having them. You have no choice in terms of running away and gaining any sense of freedom. Social programs, on the other hand, have the capacity to: launch you into a world you never had access to before, overcome your personal problems and be able to do new things, equalise the discriminatory divide (women, minorities, lower classes) so that you aren't stuck living where you are, doing what you're told do. It is the opposite of slavery. These programs never place life long conditions on top of your have the right to grant you and take away your freedom on their whims. It's always the smug few who make it to the top who could ever see the world in such barbarous villany. I feel sorry for this person.

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Belle Rose on September 18, 2016 at 11:25am

@Davis I am curious what your thoughts are to my response and their response back (see page1)...

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Davis Goodman on September 18, 2016 at 5:27pm

Of course Belle

I think we make decisions with the information we have at the time. The more we learn about ourselves and the world, the better decisions we make. But it doesn't mean we somehow failed, it means we were misinformed, ignorant, or bias based on bad information.

Yes. Well put

 If I made them on bad information,,, my bad for not finding the right information.

If it was reasonable to expect you to inform yourself about it (we cannot have a high degree of specific knowledge about everything) and if you had the time to do it...then certainly you should owe up to some responsibility.

 If I made a decision where there is no way I could have known the right information, then it's still my fault for not being able to know the right clues to tune me in.

It's your school systems fault for not teaching critical thinking, research skills, how to track down and evaluate sources, teach what should be common information that all citizens should know to bypass problems that are easily avoided with a little knowledge. You cannot expect uneducated people to be able to teach all of this to themselves or just figure it all out on their own.

I'm not saying there is any way to always make the right decision.

There is no right or wrong way to make a decision. You only know if it was the right decision with hindsight and what cost you pay for picking the one with an unfavourable result. Even then...you cannot be sure that picking other options wouldn't have been just as costly except for very few things like meeting deadlines, picking yes or know with absolute consequences etc. Holding people (or yourself) entirely responsible for making a decision you were obliged to make with some lacking information and no clear source to tell you what the right one is...sometimes just flipping a virtual coin...is cruel.

 Far far from that. I'm sayin that I and the people who count on me will suffer or thrive on every decision I make,,, so I won't delay making a decision and I won't let others make decisions for me

This is admirable, especially realising that your decisions can be costly to others. Delaying making a choice for something that you will unlikely be able to choose better in the future is not usually a good idea. It's good you take care of these things in advance. But it's not always the case that making a decision now is best, especially if you can look into it more deeply or other circumstances will arise which let's you make a better informed choice. It's even difficult to know if it is a decision you should make now...or wait. That's the problem with decision making, endless unknown variables, unknown unknowns, randomness etc. You cannot morally be held completely accountable for the results of complex decisions. It's like saying you deserve to go to hell (if it turns out there really is a god) simply because you made the wrong choice with an enormous lack of evidence or information.

This chain of responsibility pushes me to learn more, understand more thoroughly, never have an excuse for any shortcoming, and the result is that I perform better and those who count on me suffer less (they still suffer,,, believe me). 

This is well put. We should all do this. Keep in mind though...that the more you learn, ironically, the more responsible you become for making bad decisions. That's not necessarily a bad thing though.

Every time we can point to something outside of our control as a reason for falling short, we diminish ourselves toward being incapable and incompetent.

If we are talking about just making excuses, I agree...but i think this view is quite extreme, especially if we are talking about the first time this happens. If you have to make a similar choice and again you play ignorant and put no effort into making a more informed decision...then yes...what you said does apply to some extent.

Every time we take the blame on ourselves and recognize that had we done one or two or many things smarter/better,,, we give ourselves an opportunity to improve and overcome

Except of course the extreme sense of guilt people can have for simply not making the right choice without realistically being able to make an informed decision. This is not a good thing. Learning from the lesson...good thing. Pointing the finger at yourself and blaming yourself can be harmful to people, especially those who avoid making decisions in general per anxiety, fear, self-loathing fear of the new...especially if they've always had decisions made for them and even more so if they happen to make three or four bad decisions in a row (which can be statistically common). This could lead to fear of choice making (mania) which can be debilitating and even lead to people shutting down and avoiding any path in life they can that involves making difficult decisions. They cannot handle anymore guilt for making the wrong decisions...regardless of how unfair it is to expect the person to have made a right decision with a high lack of information or even knowledge how to get that information, unkown unknowns, random variables etc.

__________

Ultimately I agree, if you can make an informed decision and you cop out, then yes, you should grow from the experience and take responsibility. If you couldn't, then you should certainly learn the lessons and try to inform yourself more. I don't agree you should hold the enormous burden of blame and the guilt that comes with it...for being forced into a difficult choice and not knowing the right answer. This is especially the case in the business world where so many random and unforeseeable variables apply. It's also the case for those who simply have little access to information and free time.

• ▶ Reply

• ‹ Previous
• 1
• 2
• 3
• Next ›
• Page