I want to know more about the "shunning" process in Islam and particularly towards women - to understand what they face. I am offering support to a woman who is being ostracized by her "community" because she left her abusive husband. The ex-husband's family is trying to take the kids....So I guess I'm asking from an outsider's perspective how I can be of support to her in a way that would be helpful. I also want to understand more about the Islamic teaching/practices on this subject. Thanks.

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@Belle - "She has seen the same car following her."

They think that they own her and for her, she feels like she's living that Hotel California song:

"You can check out any time you like but you can never leave"


I'm just going to go slightly off topic here if thats ok. I need to write this down,

There's something that all of the cultures that behave like this seem to have in common and that is, their culteral roots are still steeped in the Old Testiment.

But theres one culture I can think of that doesn't seem to have a lot of this going on and thats the Italians. I always wondered why the Italians seemed just that little bit more civilized even though they look the same and act the same etc.

and then I realized that the difference is that the Italians are RC - they came through the Age of Enlightenment - Jesus. The new order.

Where as the others still havent arrived.

I think thats really interesting?




But the others are right that she has to split from her family of origin. And these are the most important people in the world to her and her children. Thats going to cause her a lot of grief.

Its a horrible either way.

 the Italians are RC - they came through the Age of Enlightenment

So RC means "Renaissance Christians"(?).

lol. I think this is wishful thinking, Jesus thief.


@Unseen - I meant Roman Catholic and maybe what you said there "Renaissance Christians"..

I'll read something about them after I read something about cats thats been nagging at me : )




I am having a book about cats published. What has been nagging you? (Better reply in a private message or in the Atheist Cats group.)

I think she needs to start over in a new community unless she can get a restraining order and somehow scare her husband and his family enough that they will leave the children alone.

I think she should move out of state, go into hiding (wait to wear the veil once she is in another large, anonymous city), and get help from the government at her new place. It's not going to be easy. She'll probably have to spend time in shelters until she can get new housing.

How many times have the children been kidnapped? And they are talking about international kidnapping now! That's not something she can fight. That's the end of the story.

I don't think rational people are capable of truly understanding insanity.

I would strongly suggest you ask this question on one of the ex-muslim forums. It is better to talk to people who actually have some understanding of the religion and problems she will face  than a forum of predominantly  middle class ex-christian white men.

"So I guess I'm asking from an outsider's perspective how I can be of support to her in a way that would be helpful." is probably not a question you want answered by other  outsiders. No matter how well intentioned we may be.

This would seem like a good site to ask your question. http://www.councilofexmuslims.com/

I suggest reading and watching anything with Ayaan Hirsi Ali.

If this woman regards herself as a Muslim and doesn't want to consider giving up  this religion, Plan B might be to do a little research and send her to a more liberal and less fundamentalist part of the religion. Just like Christianity has a spectrum ranging from the Unitarians on one end and Wesboro Baptist-types on the other, I'm sure it's much the same with Islam. Find a liberal mosque and have her go there for help.

Also, a bit of advice to take or leave. Many people—and especially females (probably due to ingrained maternal instincts—are vulnerable to becoming codependently-related to needy people. (Codependency isn't limited to people dealing with addicts. It can also apply to people who tend to feel a need to become helpers.)

If you want to help, great. Just remember that this isn't really your problem and there is a risk of becoming enmwshed in her life in a way that may bring unneeded risks into your life, especially if you take her into your home. Your priimary job is the protection of you and your children. If there is any risk of some of her relatives showing up at your place to do some honor killing or even just to kidnap her, it is better handled by someone better prepared to handle it.


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