I want to know more about the "shunning" process in Islam and particularly towards women - to understand what they face. I am offering support to a woman who is being ostracized by her "community" because she left her abusive husband. The ex-husband's family is trying to take the kids....So I guess I'm asking from an outsider's perspective how I can be of support to her in a way that would be helpful. I also want to understand more about the Islamic teaching/practices on this subject. Thanks.

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The practice is that women are chattel. Aside from that, you got me curious too.

Maybe you should take a troll-stroll on Islamic Awakening, and ask them. They always have threads about how women should obey their husbands if they want to get into heaven and shit like that. Make sure to share the link if you register and open a thread there. The entertainment value would be immense.

I'm afraid I don't know enough to give advice in such a grave situation. That sounds like some sort Islamic honor killing type deal, and it's nothing to be joked around with. Aren't there organizations that specialize in keeping women safe from those types of people?


k0rsan - I imagine that the Turkish culture would be similar to this.


Yes, in the less developed parts. Honor killings occur here too, but what I meant is that I myself would not know what to do in such a situation. I'd turn to the police, but as you might guess, the authorities in any country are incompetent and often prefer jamming their thumbs up their asses. They need something substantial to take actions. Maybe Belle's friend could compile some evidence of her ex's brother's threats. Voice mails, or anything like that might help. It's sad, because there should be zero tolerance for something like this. The fucker should've been deported back to shitholeistan for touching her in the first place.

Documentation is everything. 


Hi Belle

I've read a bit about it because I come from a similar culture. Old european family psychology is often all tied up with family shame and scapegoating.

Scapegoating of a person is where all of the families shame and problems, criminal activities, mental problems are all placed on one person and then that person is banished and blamed as the cause of the whole problem. This apparently restores the familys honour - wash - rinse - repeat.  

No matter how bad her husband was - she will still be blamed.  after all, he provided for her so - she is bad and ungrateful. And the children - well possibly his family will regard the children as belonging to them because they are his offspring.

When my sister had her first child - a boy - her MIL said to her - this child is more mine than yours.

Its all geared around the males. Females are shit as far as those people are concerned.

Your friend has to completely cut ties because she will never be accepted and they will always judge her. Honestly - she is not wanted by them. Its really awful stuff that women go through in these type of cultures.

Reading about Narcisistic family systems is a good place to start.

All the best to her Belle - She is lucky to have you for a friend.

Try starting here -




"PLUS the misunderstanding of us "dumb Americans"'

lol yep ....

No really its true - Westeners don't understand it so that futher limits the support.

I know I keep making posts where I sound somewhat cold, but does she have any options where she could completely ditch her and his family, go into hiding and start a new life with the kids, or worst case scenario - without?

Yeah, why try? That was my first thought. Time to go into something like an anti-Muslim witness protection program.

Depends on circumstances and laws. In some cases it could be considered kidnapping.

This is true. Tread carefully here. There are or were underground networks that help hide spouses and children in abusive situations. I don't know how you would find them or if this is a good idea...they would again be at the mercy of a new group of people.

Also, many of these people are christian.

This is just an fyi. It's not my advice. This would be illegal if the father still has parental rights. Don't break the law...that is my advice. :-)


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