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Permalink Reply by Lyndi Rogers on May 31, 2011 at 2:53pm

My mom sounds a lot like your mom.  She was raised by her grandmother though in a Pentecostal church in Virginia and believes that is why she is the person she is now.  We had a long talk a few months back because I have become more vocal about my beliefs.  It bothered her that she thought I was criticizing her grandmother (who she loved as a mother) for how she raised her.

 

I explained to my mom that her grandmother raised her well in spite of what the Old Testament taught her.  My mother is sweet, caring, generous, and hard working.  I had to tell my mom that the Old Testament does not promote most of these qualities, and nor does it exemplify any kind of moral code that people should live by EVER.  Luckily, my mom is pretty open-minded and was willing to hear me out.  I don't know if she agreed with me at any point, but she was willing to listen and ask questions.

 

In the end, we came to a peaceful understanding.  I made it clear that I am no different than I ever was, and asked her flat-out if she thought I was now a bad person, to which she answered 'no'.  But I also had to agree to try not to convert her or "laugh" at her religion, and she did the same for me.  Her decision to allow me my atheism contradicts her religion's beliefs.  Yet, she was willing to compromise with me.  I think that's a great sign.  :) 

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Permalink Reply by Cynthia on June 1, 2011 at 10:57pm

Yea it sounds like we are in the same boat! That is awesome!

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Permalink Reply by Chris on June 1, 2011 at 9:13am

What are you actually hoping to achieve? "Worth" is relative. I can't know what it would mean to either of you. For my own mother, who has high blood pressure and diabetes, even trying to convince her to stop eating bad foods became far more grief than it was worth. Parents, as it turns out, are really just other people. And most people, once they are set in their ways, are not movable without a real, ugly fight. But only you know if that is your case.

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Permalink Reply by Cynthia on June 1, 2011 at 11:00pm

I guess it just bugged me because everything she believes is a total lie. The more I think about it though, the more I realize I just need to leave it be. She is someone who really needs christianity in her life to keep motivated. She isn't hurting anyone with what she believes in, and she has always been supportive of my opinions.

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Permalink Reply by Chris on June 2, 2011 at 12:26am

I think it's important that you are able to be who YOU are around her. What is integral in making you the person you are needs to be maintained. Decorum and courtesy takes care of the rest. It's galling to think someone you respect and love is almost certainly wrong about something like faith, but as long as she treats you like a loved and cherished daughter, you can make allowances. I know my mom had to when I was growing up...

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Permalink Reply by Ed on June 2, 2011 at 6:50am

My Mom is a widow in her mid-seventies. She attends church and all that but is not a "bible thumper." In the past year I have become MUCH more open about by lack of belief. Initially it troubled her but she has accepted my stance and does not press the issue. We talk occasionally about religion and I have to repeat myself it seems. I believe there may be an iota of doubt in her mind about her belief but I never press the issue. We respect and love one another which is important to me, of course.

In the future your own Mom may gain interest or curiosity about your personal views.

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