I got this from one of my seminary professors a couple years ago.  I thought is was funny.  He used it as an example of the dangers in taking the Bible literally.  I enjoyed it so much I posted it in my Notes on Facebook. What you think?

Top 15 Biblical Ways to Acquire a Wife:

1. Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails, and give her new clothes. Then she's yours! (Deuteronomy 21: 11-13).

2. Find a prostitute and marry her. - Gomer (Hosea 1:1-3).

3. Find a man with seven daughters and impress him by watering his flock. - Moses (Exodus 2:16-21).

4. Purchase a piece of property and get a woman as part of the deal. - Boaz (Ruth 4:5-10).

5. Go to a party and hide. When the women come out to dance, grab one and carry her off to be your wife. - Benjaminites (Judges 21:19-25). Does this sound a little like "Seven Brides for Seven Brothers?"

6. Have God create a wife for you while you sleep. Note: this will cost you a rib. - Adam (Genesis 2: 19-24).

7. Agree to work seven years in exchange for a woman's hand in marriage. Get tricked into marrying the wrong woman. Then work another seven years for the woman you wanted to marry in the first place. That's right: fourteen years of hard labor for a wife! - Jacob (Genesis 29: 15-30).

8. Cut 200 foreskins off of your future father-in-law's enemies and get his daughter for a wife. - David (1 Samuel 18:27).

9. Even if no one is out there, just wander around a bit and you'll definitely find someone. (It's all relative, of course.) - Cain (Genesis 4: 16-17).

10. Become the emperor of a huge nation and hold a beauty contest. - Xerxes or Athasuerus (Esther 2:3-4).

11. When you see someone you like, go home and tell your parents, "I have seen a...woman; now get her for me." If your parents question your decision, simply say: "Get her for me. She's the one for me." - Samson (Judges 14:1-3).

12. Kill any husband and take HIS wife (Prepare to lose four sons, though). - David (2 Samuel 11).

13. Wait for your brother to die. Take his widow. (It's not just a good idea; it's the law!) - Onan and Boaz (Deuteronomy or Leviticus, example in Ruth).

14. Don't be so picky. Make up for quality with quantity! - Solomon (1 Kings 11:1-3)

15. A wife? - Paul (1 Corinthians 7:32-35).

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This is hilarious.  Or would be if so many did not believe every wore of it.



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