I got this from one of my seminary professors a couple years ago.  I thought is was funny.  He used it as an example of the dangers in taking the Bible literally.  I enjoyed it so much I posted it in my Notes on Facebook. What you think?

Top 15 Biblical Ways to Acquire a Wife:

1. Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails, and give her new clothes. Then she's yours! (Deuteronomy 21: 11-13).

2. Find a prostitute and marry her. - Gomer (Hosea 1:1-3).

3. Find a man with seven daughters and impress him by watering his flock. - Moses (Exodus 2:16-21).

4. Purchase a piece of property and get a woman as part of the deal. - Boaz (Ruth 4:5-10).

5. Go to a party and hide. When the women come out to dance, grab one and carry her off to be your wife. - Benjaminites (Judges 21:19-25). Does this sound a little like "Seven Brides for Seven Brothers?"

6. Have God create a wife for you while you sleep. Note: this will cost you a rib. - Adam (Genesis 2: 19-24).

7. Agree to work seven years in exchange for a woman's hand in marriage. Get tricked into marrying the wrong woman. Then work another seven years for the woman you wanted to marry in the first place. That's right: fourteen years of hard labor for a wife! - Jacob (Genesis 29: 15-30).

8. Cut 200 foreskins off of your future father-in-law's enemies and get his daughter for a wife. - David (1 Samuel 18:27).

9. Even if no one is out there, just wander around a bit and you'll definitely find someone. (It's all relative, of course.) - Cain (Genesis 4: 16-17).

10. Become the emperor of a huge nation and hold a beauty contest. - Xerxes or Athasuerus (Esther 2:3-4).

11. When you see someone you like, go home and tell your parents, "I have seen a...woman; now get her for me." If your parents question your decision, simply say: "Get her for me. She's the one for me." - Samson (Judges 14:1-3).

12. Kill any husband and take HIS wife (Prepare to lose four sons, though). - David (2 Samuel 11).

13. Wait for your brother to die. Take his widow. (It's not just a good idea; it's the law!) - Onan and Boaz (Deuteronomy or Leviticus, example in Ruth).

14. Don't be so picky. Make up for quality with quantity! - Solomon (1 Kings 11:1-3)

15. A wife? - Paul (1 Corinthians 7:32-35).

Views: 174

Reply to This

Replies to This Discussion

This is hilarious.  Or would be if so many did not believe every wore of it.

RSS

Support T|A

Think Atheist is 100% member supported

All proceeds go to keeping Think Atheist online.

Donate with Dogecoin

Forum

Christian to Atheist. My Testimony.

Started by Toby Briggs in Welcome to Think Atheist. Last reply by captain kingsway 47 minutes ago. 1 Reply

Videos

  • Add Videos
  • View All

Services we love

We are in love with our Amazon

Book Store!

Gadget Nerd? Check out Giz Gad!

Into life hacks? Check out LabMinions.com

Advertise with ThinkAtheist.com

© 2014   Created by Dan.

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service