Hi, I was a Christian for over twenty years before the seeds of my deconverstion were sown. I began an intensive introspection into the history and psychological nature of religion over 2 years ago about eight years after I began having my initial doubts. It was a difficult process and what I gleaned at first utterly shocked me and shook me to my core. Feeling confused, hurt, alone and betrayed I stopped studying this material because it had already pierced my intellect and spoke to my reason that all of my deepest held beliefs were nothing more than a simulacrum and it hurt too much to think about. After just putting this to the back of my mind for several months I decided to delve even further into the true history, psychology and nature of human evolution, human emotional evolution, biblical history, religious history and the sciences and through this study I am now unquestionably an atheist. All of my family and friends/acquaintances are either practicing Christians or invoke the name of Yahweh when in deep moments of distress and think that "atheists are of the devil and evil" so unfortunately I'm pretty sequestered for professing what I believe in my heart of hearts to be true. In fact I'm in the middle of reading "The God Virus" currently and the more I read into the book the more disgusted with religion of any kind I become! This journey of deconversion has been stranger than fiction, life and mind altering and something that never seemed conceivable to me in my younger, more formative years, yet through all of the mental anguish I feel like I've fed my mind that which it craved most, the truth. I can honestly and unabashedly state that I don't know how we or the universe came into being (although science's theories are infinitely more plausible than religions) or what happens to us when our life ends (probably just finality, no afterlife or "spiritual release") but since devoting myself to what I deem now as my "Atheistic studies" such as watching amazing shows as "The Atheist Experience" or the awesome atheist channels on youtube or reading great books debunking religion and espousing the rationality of science I feel strangely more alive and immersed in the universe than ever before and I'd love to hear about your journey. Thanks so much.
You've got balls, Jason (as does Cara).
A nice guy with brains and balls. That's a good thing to be
Thanks so much for the share man. I've gone through the depression and anxiety and feel like I understand what it's like to feel that depression, anxiety and hopelessness suddenly emerge when the rational part of your brain finally overtakes the fairytale, candyland part and you have to put that fallacious opiate down for good. What you said about having the power to change your life really resonated with me as I'm coming to grips with the knowledge that it's just me and my will that will get me through. I really think we have to love ourselves the way we feel that our "god" did. I wish you the best of luck in your journey.
From a very young age i was very interested in ancient Egypt and Rome and Tainos, specially their religion. By 5, i stopped believing in prayer, by praying to stop the rain to all the gods i knew. I hardly have much memories about my deconversion, must of the struggle happened as a teenager as i struggled with depression and i hardly remember my adolescence.
I do remember that when i was 16, i was jokingly asked by a classmate, hand in bible, if i believed in god. Up till that moment i had never thought about that, i took a moment to think and replied the only honest answer i could get a grasp on "No". They were in shock, they informed my teacher and i, being lonely and depressed, continued like this event never happened. I actually forgot it for many years. I started learning more and more about the catholic church, dropping many ideas that i had.
Over time i develop a struggle with the state of the world, about injustice and evil in the world, good thing happening to bad people, and horrible things happening to good people, a god that can and don't, all the teachings i received in the church NOT working in real life. During this same period i started having an interest in psychology and learned as much as i could about it. At 17, the teenage rebellion finally kicked in but oriented towards the wrong person; my school principal. She contacted my tutors and both demanded me to go an end of school year retire the church had next week. At the retire, I broke down before anyone else, i was lucid while everyone broke down. As everyone cried about their issues, and the speaker spoke how god would solved them all, it dawn me. She was lying, i have being lied all my life. I had done exactly that and nothing had change. They, the church, were putting all my issues, all my insecurities in the table and were selling me an imaginary cure: God.
I was shocked. After the event i went home and slept. Several months after i was starting college in another town, i was still unsure about many things. why do the people believe in god was the main one. The answer came in a phone call, it was love. People believe in god because the want to feel loved, later in would learn that wasn't the only reason but it was good enough for me at the time. I have love, the church is a scam, i'm fine.
The last nail to the coffin would come after i started my minor in psychology, i met an atheist for the first time, not the type of person i relate with but still an atheist. One day, one of our psychology teacher ask the class who didn't believe in god, at first only one hand was raised, not mine; and i just i have done before, i thought for a while, took a big breath and raised my hand.
That's a great story man. I think the mere fact that horrible things happening to good, morally decent human beings is sufficient evidence to discount yaweh from existing. Surely we live in an unjust, unfair world.
I felt like I was just waking up. Catholic school is a powerful indoctrination tool, however as a natural skeptic I never really belonged or "bought in" 100 per cent to all the dogma. Eternity is harder to give up, but hey....once you break through you can really live....
That you can, and life is most definitely for living, not living in paranoid fear of a vengeful deity! I truly feel for all the Catholics man, that's as harsh a religion as there is.